If you ask me, books are the greatest invention in the world! I can’t think of a better way to unwind from a long day than curling up with a good book. When people tell me they don’t like reading, I’m genuinely confused. That’s like saying you don’t like food. Sure, you may not like certain foods, but you taste things here and there to see what you like and don’t like. I mean if you can dream it, it’s probably been written about. Every topic, every theme, every character, every subject. The varieties of books are endless! If you don’t like reading, you just haven’t found something you like yet.

Now taking into account how much I love books and reading, I bet you can imagine how I feel about banning books. Spoiler: I think it’s ridiculous. I just do not understand it. So you don’t like the content in a book. It makes you uncomfortable. You know what you do? Don’t read it! Don’t buy the book!

And it’s always parents trying to ban books because the topic is “taboo”. I don’t want to be judgmental but I know exactly what type of people these parents are. They are the same family who give out floss and toothbrushes on Halloween. Translation: They are fun suckers. They suck all the fun out of life.

“If my children read about S-E-X (said in a hissy whisper) and drug use, they’ll drop out of school, become prostitutes, and never make anything of their lives!” Cause naturally that’s how these things work. Those bookworms; degenerates of society. But here’s a question: Are you just too lazy to discuss things like sex and drugs and mental illness to your children? These are serious real world issues and almost everyone will deal with at least one, if not all, in their lifetime. Do you think by banning a book that has the gall to talk about masturbation you will somehow guard your child? “If they don’t read it, they’ll never know what it is!”

And I realize these are all rhetorical questions. I doubt anyone reading this is the type to ban books. If you are a book banner, we can’t be friends. Sorry, but I already don’t like you.

However, after all that rambling and bitching about people who ban books, I have to say I somewhat support it. Parents, keep banning books. Do you know what you’re doing when you challenge a book and proclaim that young kids shouldn’t be reading it? You’re making it enticing. Explicitly tell a young person they can’t do something and they’ll want to do that exact thing you said they shouldn’t do. So ban more books so people will have more books they have to read, even if it’s just to piss off their parents.The best way to ensure a teenager will do something is by forbidding them to do it.

In honor of Banned Books Week and because I’m a rebel without a cause, here are some of my favorite books that are challenged often in America.

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner – You have a very serious subject (the death of a mother) and you try to throw in some humor? For shame!

Forever by Judy Blume – The main characters do “it”. And they are only teenagers! Again, for shame!

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood – Woah, woah, woah. A society that oppresses women and strips them of all their rights? Where did Margaret Atwood come up with such a far-fetched idea?

Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling – Witchcraft! Have you ever seen the documentary Jesus Camp? When it’s declared that Harry Potter should be burned at the stake, I didn’t know whether I should be laughing hysterically or be completely terrified?

1984 by George Orwell – A book about a future where people are watched and controlled every second. Can’t have that! Let’s control the masses and make sure they don’t ever read this book. Makes sense.

So, you little rebel readers*, what’s your favorite frequently banned book?

*From here on out Rebel Readers will be the unofficial name for all those who read my blog!