I was recently scrolling through Instagram and came across a post about Chrissy Teigen and Megan Markle opening up about their pregnancy losses. I went down into the comments section cause I’m a masochist and always torture myself by reading social media comments. One of the commenters wrote, “Everyone seems to be having a miscarriage lately.” And she added a confused emoji at the end.
I didn’t respond to the comment, but if I did, I would have written, “Yes, a lot of people are having miscarriages, but not lately. Actually, a lot of people are having miscarriages always.”
It’s estimated that between 20-25% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact number because many women miscarriage before they even realize they’re pregnant. They simply confuse the miscarriage for their period.
Twenty-five percent is a HUGE number. Yet, it’s still viewed as a taboo, secretive subject. When Teigen and Markle decided to talk about their pregnancy loss, they received many supportive and understanding comments. But there was a lot of negative commentary as well. Many people wondered why they were talking about it so publicly. Why not? Why shouldn’t we talk more about something that happens to one out of four women?
I had a miscarriage this summer, and I felt incredibly alone while going through it. I knew that miscarriages were common, but I was still shocked to find out I was going through one. It’s a topic rarely discussed, so it was difficult not to feel alone. My miscarriage happened so early on that hardly anyone knew I was pregnant. It was a terrible loss that only my husband and I had to bear.
I spent weeks dealing with my miscarriage (I had a 7-week miscarriage, which is its own story), but I had to go about my days as if nothing was wrong. I was back at work three days a week and had to act like I wasn’t grieving. On the days when I just wanted to crawl into a ball and stay in bed, I couldn’t. I never revealed to my coworkers what I was going through because I felt it would make them uncomfortable. We’re so trained to hide our pregnancies for the first three months in case anything happens that it translates to hiding it when something does happen.
I was hiding this miscarriage as though it was a dirty secret from my family and my closest friends. Until I finally decided that I wasn’t going to hide it anymore. I was pregnant, and then I wasn’t. It happens to so many women every year, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I finally started opening up to my closest friends and family about what I was going through. And you know what, I started to feel better? Talking about it helped me to heal.
If you’ve ever dealt with a miscarriage or you’re going through one, it’s hard not to feel alone. But I want you to know that you’re not alone. I bet if you start talking about it, you’ll find out that other people who know have suffered from pregnancy loss as well. And even if you don’t know anyone in real life, you know me.
Miscarriage is a scary, confusing, sad experience to go through, and it’s worse doing it alone. If talking about it helps with the healing process, then go for it. It’s not a taboo subject. It’s an extremely common ordeal that needs to be spoken about more.