I was born and raised in New York and a large majority of the time I hate this city. Overall it’s a life-sucking, dirty city. Sure it has its good parts. I get it. I really do get why so many people want to visit or move here. I often wish I could view the city as an outsider. Even now I find myself getting overwhelmed by the beauty of the skyline. But then it’s time to pay rent or I have to buy something and the wonderment quickly fades away.
Holy Hell is New York an expensive place! Like really expensive! People joke about it but it’s true. Whenever I travel to other cities, I’m amazed at the prices of things. You mean I can get a beer for three bucks on a Saturday night? Even the shittiest bar doesn’t offer that deal. (You can possibly get a can of PBR for that price but that’s about it.)
And more than anything else, New York is really gross. There may be dirtier cities but I have yet to visit one. New York may have a bunch of delicious restaurants, cool bars, museums, etc. but this city also has an abundance of litter, rats, roaches, and dirt. Every time you read an article about how New York City is the greatest place on earth, just know that somewhere there is a native New Yorker scoffing at it!
One of the things you’ll always hear from people trying to wax poetically about New York is the famous statement: “Only in New York.” Well, I actually agree with that. There are plenty of times I’ve come across things in this city and thought, “Seriously, only in New York fucking City* would I have to see this shit.”
Maybe one day when I’m in a better mood, I’ll share some nice things about New York. Because again, I get it! Don’t let my love/hate relationship fool you. New York is a place that everyone should visit at least once in their life if they can. But today is not that day! So now I am going to present you with some of the real “Only in New York” shit I’ve seen these past 28 years of living here.
- A mouse running under the table at a bar/restaurant where people were eating food. Thankfully I was not actually eating food. (Not surprisingly I found out that the place was closed down a few months after this event.)
- A giant rat running at me when I was walking in the subway. (Rats are inevitable in NYC, especially when you’re in the subway. But usually they are contained on the train tracks.)
- A lady stopping to squat, taking a dump right in front of a store on Fifth Avenue, getting back up once she was done, and walking away. (I was strolling along 5th Ave. with my mother and grandmother at the time so that made it extra special.)
- A homeless lady violently masturbating in Union Square.
- When I was walking down the stairs to catch the train, there was a man walking up the stairs in a trench coat. The trench coat starts to sway open revealing his entire naked body to the world. (I’d like to note that I have seen this same exact streaker TWICE. Aren’t I just lucky?)
- A drunk man puking in the middle of a crowded train during rush hour on a Tuesday.
It truly is the greatest city in the world!
*Fun Fact: New York fucking City is the unofficial official name for NYC.