This is not the appropriate way to act when someone is breaking up with you.

One of my good friends is going through a difficult break-up. It’s always hard when someone you love is going through a break-up with their significant other. You can spend hours telling them everything that was wrong with their boyfriend (he wore sleeveless hoodies!) and convincing them that the misery they are feeling will pass, but it’s going to take some time for them to recognize your words as truth.

When you’re sitting in your bedroom hysterically crying at 4 in the morning, it’s hard to remember the reasons you ended a relationship. Just a call or a text could make everything better. The problem is that while the communication will provide instant gratification, in the end it will make things worse. You need to remember the reasons you broke up in the first place. Hearing his voice isn’t going to change the very real problems you have.

Getting over a break-up takes time and a lot of resilience. It takes standing your ground. Too many people ignore the original problems they had and get back together after a short time of being apart.  News flash: Those problems aren’t going anywhere. They may take a back burner during the euphoria you’re both feeling after getting back together, but one day they will resurface.

Here are the things that we all need in order to really get over a break-up and to move on.

1. A Harmless Vice. Truth be told, I was going to just put up alcohol here. Cause that is definitely what I need when going through something. But I need to remember that not everyone is a lush like me. Now when I say vice, I am not suggesting you all start smoking crystal meth. Don’t do that! But a bottle of wine, a tub of ice cream, binge watching an entire series on Netflix. All of these are excellent vices that can help get your mind off of the break-up for a few hours.
2. Your Favorite Comedy. You know what’s great? Laughing! How can you not laugh watching a man in a wheelchair throw a wrench at people? That will instantly make you feel better.
3. Crying. I love crying! Like seriously love it! I don’t understand people that say they never cry. It’s good for the soul. Whether you want to cry on the shoulder of your best friend or cry in the shower so no one can see, it doesn’t matter, as long as you do it. Cry your heart it. Your sad and should be sad. Crying is good.
4. Anger. I fully condone breaking some shit when going through a break-up. Nothing too valuable; you’ll regret it. But there is something very satisfying about throwing something against a wall and watching it break.It’s even better if you can find something that belongs to your significant other to break. (And before anyone cries foul on this one: I’m suggesting you break a mug or something not step on his cat so it’s all good!)
5. Friends. Family definitely fits under this category cause I don’t know about you but my sisters are two of the best friends I have. When going through a break-up, there can be a sense of feeling unlovable. Why didn’t he want me? Why won’t he fight for me? It’s good to surround ourselves with the people who still love us and care about us. So rent a movie and chill, go for coffee, go out dancing. Whatever you do, just make sure it’s with friends.
6. Time. It’s like they say, “Time heals all wounds.” And while there are certain losses that we will never be able to get over, a break-up is something we can move past. It’s just going to take time. But trust me, with time, laughs and friends, you will get through it. Eventually you’ll wonder what you saw in him or her in the first place.