I don’t know any person over the age of 22 who hasn’t wished they were a kid again. The thought pops into my head at least once every hour. This whole adult thing is not easy. And it is not nearly as cool as I was led to believe it would be during childhood. Adulthood is just a whole lot of responsibilities. That’s all it is.
There are bunch of things I could list when discussing what I miss about childhood: summer vacation, a super fast metabolism, never having to work. The list can go on and on. But I realize that I miss a lot of things I never thought I would have. There are certain responsibilities I didn’t take into account when I was sixteen and counting down the days until my 18th birthday so I can officially become an “adult.” I would gladly relinquish these responsibilities to a real adult (I’m totally faking this whole adult thing myself) because I am not equipped to make these decisions.
1. Doctor’s Appointments – So, like any normal kid I hated going to the doctor’s. But my mom would make appointments anyway and drag my ass to the doctor no matter how much I complained. Now that I’m an adult (and I use that term very loosely) I recognize that doctors are important and my mom was just being a responsible parent by making me go. But this fact doesn’t make me like doctors any more. In fact, my disdain for all things doctor-related has only grown stronger with age. When you’re younger going to the doctors went like this: your mom takes you to the doctor after school, you see the doctor and she reassures you that everything is going to be OK, you get a lollipop when you leave, and then you get to choose whatever you want to eat for dinner to make up for the fact that you just had to go to the doctors. That was the extent of it. Any following up, payments, etc., that was all taken care of without you even knowing about it. So it’s quite the shock when you suddenly have to take care of your own health and realize what a hot mess the healthcare system is. Instead of getting a lollipop when you leave the doctor’s, you get a bill. Ah yes, they don’t warn you about the astronomical costs of doctor’s bills in elementary school. And having health insurance doesn’t matter. Having health insurance just means that instead of paying $1000 you only have to pay $999. What a bargain!
And going to the doctor’s when you’re older is depressing. They weigh you. Don’t look at me like that doc. It’s winter so I’m wearing snow boots and my bra has A LOT of padding in it. That’s not an accurate representation of my weight, OK! You get asked if you’re sexually active which is just a reminder of how sexually unactive you are. And it just reinforces that you’re getting older. Nothing like being told you need to control your blood pressure to remind you that you’re not a spring chicken anymore.
2. Being told what I can and cannot eat. Everything related to food when you were younger is amazing. You had free food all the time! I cannot stress enough how much I LOVE free food! Free food battles with my family for the top spot on my favorite things in the world. It’s a close race and if I can find a way to get free bacon 24/7, my family just won’t be able to compete. But seriously, things were free all the time as a kid, even when you went out to eat. No one’s going to ask a seven-year-old for her portion of the meal. Even if she ordered the surf and turf.
I miss all those free meals but that’s not the number one food-related thing I miss about being a kid. As annoying as it was at the time, I miss being told not to eat 75 cookies in one sitting! Seriously, I have no self control when it comes to food. I once bought a tub of cookie dough to make cookies for a holiday party. I didn’t make it to the holiday party and no cookies were ever made. But that tub of cookie dough was done within 5 days because I’m disgusting. When I was younger that never would have happened because I would have been threatened with no TV for a week if I didn’t put the cookie dough down. I wish I still had someone who controlled my eating and didn’t allow me that third cupcake.
3. Going to bed early. How am I supposed to get eight hours of sleep when I get home at 7 p.m. and have to be up by 6 a.m. the next morning? How do you expect me to squeeze in 5 hours of Netflix and 8 hours of sleep in only 11 hours? I’m no mathematician but it just doesn’t add up! Eight hours of sleep is hard to get when you work late and wake up early. It’s even harder when you inexplicably do not allow yourself to go to bed before 11. I really need a mom, dad, guardian, someone to tell me when to go to bed at night because I clearly do not listen to myself.