I Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Make Adult Decisions

So as you all know, I recently found an apartment and moved into my new digs on February 15th. I bet you’re all wondering how it’s been going. I know you guys can’t sleep at night thinking about poor Liz from Am I Thirty? and her apartment troubles. Well things have not been going so great. The apartment has been a hot mess since day one.

For starters, the apartment was an absolute mess when I first moved in. Now I got this apartment in an interesting way. My brother-in-law’s friend used to live there before he got married. My brother-in-law had his friend check with the landlords to see if it was still available. Sadly, it wasn’t. The landlords had just rented it out to a young couple. Naturally, I was pissed. This young couple are taking the next step and moving in together but I’m still stressing about getting a text back. But I was also pissed cause finding an apartment is definitely in one of the nine circles of Hell. These assholes got to it first, putting me back at square one.

Where isn't the bathroom - apartment hunting

But the apartment Gods were on my side. My brother-in-law gave me the landlord’s information cause the apartment was unexpectedly available again. Turns out the young couple taking the next step in their relationship didn’t work out. (My current landlord is incredibly talkative so I know all the details.) Apparently the landlord heard the couple fighting at three in the morning. The girlfriend was calling the boyfriend a liar and saying that she saw the text messages. Girlfriend’s family drives down from Massachusetts the next day, packs up all her stuff, and that’s the end of that young couple. Clearly the boyfriend is too devastated from being an idiot and not deleting his text messages so he decides he wants to move out. This worked out for me in more way than one. 1. I finally had an apartment to move into. 2. The whole story reminded me just why relationships are not worth the trouble.

However, the boyfriend still lived at the apartment for a few weeks after his girlfriend left him high and dry. And he was very clearly wallowing in his own self pity. The apartment looked as though he wiped his piss all over the walls and would randomly vomit on the floors. It was a mess. I don’t even want to attempt to describe to you what the toilet looked like. I don’t want to give you guys nightmares.

So I spent the first week and a half at my new place not actually sleeping there and just scrubbing every inch of the place when I was there. Then I needed to make some serious adult decisions. Do you have any idea how many things are needed to put together an apartment?! This isn’t the first time I’ve moved out on my own but the other times I had most of the essentials that are needed. This time around I needed EVERYTHING!

Furnishing an entire apartment from scratch taught me a lot. It taught me that I know NOTHING!

Here are just a few of the thoughts I’ve had and things I’ve done while putting together this apartment that prove I should not be allowed to make adult decisions without a more real adult watching over me.

  1. When I was preparing to clean, I thought it was wise to buy paper towels from the Dollar store. This was not a good idea. They fell apart within five minutes and somehow managed to make the cabinets even dirtier.
  2. I have no idea how to properly clean a bathroom without wanting to vomit every five minutes.
  3. Why are garbage cans so expensive? They just hold dirty crap! They should not be over 100 dollars!
  4. Buying a mattress is a hard decision and it’s not something that should be done online. I feel like most intelligent adults know this. Unfortunately for myself, I am not an intelligent adult. I bought a mattress online from Sleepy’s and it was a mess. I tried to go for a deal but I did go with a mattress that got decent reviews so I thought it’d be OK. Well the mattress came and it was the width of a mattress that would normally go on a cot. I should have known when the website said the height was 6 inches. I thought 6 inches was substantial. I was wrong. You ever have a 6″ sandwich from Subway. It’s basically like eating air. I got the 6″ Subway sandwich of mattresses.
  5. I am a 12-year-old posing as a 30-year-old. I cannot sleep in my own apartment without leaving the television on. And my first night sleeping there, I had a nightmare and woke up at 4 in the morning freaked out.
  6. Bedrooms sets are another extremely difficult purchase and insanely expensive. I also have no idea how to properly purchase bedroom sets. I finally found a bedroom set I really liked online so I used my brand new credit card with no interest for 21 months (SCORE!) to make the purchase. The bedroom set comes and I find out that it has no bed frame. It’s just a headboard. It’s rather difficult to put together a bed/bedroom without a friggen bed frame!
  7. Shopping for one person is the hardest thing you will ever do. (I still have no idea how much chicken will feed a family of one for a week.) That probably explains why my fridge consists of one rotisserie chicken, a tomato, and four bottles of wine.
  8. I am still living off paper plates and utensils but I have enough wine glasses in my apartment to entertain a party of 12. Clearly my priorities are in order.

So my apartment may still be a complete hot mess and I don’t see this changing anytime soon, but you all are more than welcome to come over. There’s no shortage of chicken and wine. And really what more could you want from a party?!



  1. Hi! You can buy plastic plates at target for $2/2. They lasted me 3 years. The landlord should have cleaned your apartment before you got there. Go complain and tell him he needs to hire a cleaning crew- with his money. It’s a law. You can get an air mattress (make sure it includes the air pump) at target for $20. It lasts years and is basically posturepedic because it inflated to your liking. Don’t get discouraged if you wake up in a hole. Reinflate. In a couple days it will stay where you want it. The sheets at target are like $40 but a good investment. Don’t get the $20 ones. The $40 ones will last at least 7 years. Hope this helps. PS- I’m 31 and FINALLY figured it out. Ikea is also the best place ever. It’s worth the $99 flat rate shipping and the easiest, cheapest, good quality furniture ever. Good luck and don’t sweat it.

    1. Hey, thanks for the advice. I bought a really nice mattress from Sleepy’s. I don’t think I could handle sleeping on an air mattress full time. I will definitely be looking into the sheets from Target and I will always love Ikea!

    2. I don’t know you but I love you lol. I was thinking the same thing about the plastic plates (best investment EVER). I agree about the landlord – definitely should not have been Liz’s problem. Air mattresses are sent from heaven (unless you have cats) lol. Funny post Liz – loved it!

      1. Hahaha! Yeah I’ve been around the renting block a few times 😉 I’m not one to give advice unless i think it could really help and i totally kill it at renting lol!

  2. I just went through this last year and felt the same way! More often than not, I’m still feeling that way (thank god for helpful and supportive parents!) Adulting is a lot harder than it looks, and a lot more goes into it than we would ever expect. I hope you can get your bearings in this new place pretty soon 🙂 Good luck.

    p.s. an excess of wine is completely acceptable!

  3. Ugh, sorry you’ve had such an awful experience so far! In my very first weekend in a new apartment, my water heater, garbage disposal, and smoke alarm all malfunctioned and had to be replaced. All in the same weekend. I thought THAT was bad, but I think you win.

    Also… I think MOST people would be gagging at cleaning up that horrific disaster of a bathroom, so I don’t think that should count as evidence that you’re not good at making decisions 🙂 I shudder just thinking about it.

    1. No way! You first week in your new apartment totally trumps mine! OMG that’s so horrible to have to deal with when moving into a place for the first time. So sorry you had to deal with.

  4. That sucks about the mess. The landlord should have already had that place cleaned up before you moved in so it’s his fault as well as the poor schmuck that lived there.

    As for cooking for one and food shopping, there are 2 rules… 1) make a shopping list. 2) never go food shopping while you’re hungry. They will definitely help you out.

  5. Ha ha. You crack me up.

    Setting up a house can be fun and troublesome on a lot of levels. Especially doing it all alone.

    The landlord should have asked the previous tenant to do the basic cleaning. He should have followed it up with another round. So I feel you. Maybe it’s late, but you could ask the landlord even now? Make him agree 😉

    Would have loved to help if I was in your block. Hope you get to the fun part of setting up your place soon.

    1. Thanks! I have finally arrived to the fun part of setting up. I’ve even hung up some pictures so it’s finally starting to look like my place. It’s just going to take some time before it’s all put together.

  6. This is a situation for inviting friends over to help you clean with the promise of pizza and beer.

    If only you lived near me, I’ve been trying to get rid of a two-year-old full-size mattress that’s taking up space in my storage unit because husband wanted a king-sized bed (in retrospect, this was a good choice. If there’s one thing I miss about being single, it’s sleeping by myself without someone rolling on top of me in his sleep, hogging the covers, and snoring).

    I laughed at the situation with the couple living there before you because I have this guilt-ridden hope that we’ll find a really nice, really inexpensive first house as a result of foreclosure. So basically, hope for another couple to go bankrupt so we can have our first house. Adulting for the win!

    1. Oh I definitely had my sisters and a few friends come over to help me clean the place. I have promised them a full cooked meal with all the trimmings when I get everything together for my kitchen.

      Ugh, I totally would have take that mattress. If only we didn’t live so far apart from one another.

      And good luck with the house hunting. It’s daunting but eventually you’ll find something and maybe it’ll come with the little bit of help from another failed relationship.

  7. Your experience sounds terrible! I am hoping to move out soon but some experiences I hear just makes me put it off even more. I’m glad some of us feel the same way, even though society considers us adults I still feel like a child posing in a grown up body. Best of luck to your new move I’m sure once you get all settled in you will enjoy your new experience.

    1. Once I get all settled in, it will be nice. Not gonna lie, moving and the process of finding a new place is very daunting but in the end, it’s so worth it to have your own place.

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