The Steps Every Girl Goes Through When Cutting Her Hair

Now when I say cutting her hair, I do not mean getting a trim. I’m talking about when you decide to take the plunge and cut off several inches of your hair. Or if you’re feeling really bold, decide to shave off everything. (For the sake of eyes everywhere I will never be doing this.)

The movies would have you believe that chopping off all your hair is simple. All a girl needs is a traumatic experience, a hotel room mirror, and some rusty scissors. A few snips and she’s walking out of there like she just stepped out of a Pantene commercial and ready to kick some ass. If I find myself in a hotel room with a rusty pair of scissors, the best I’m walking out with is a trip to the ER for a tetanus shot.

There is a lot that goes into finally deciding to cut your hair.

It all starts when you realize your hair is getting too long. You’ve started washing your hair every other month because styling the Godforsaken mop on top your head requires 10 free hours and the arm strength of The Rock.

You know that a cut has to be scheduled sometime in the near future.

You start doing research for cute hairstyles. There are so many adorable short hairstyles and everyone looks so good. (You don’t take into account that all of these females you’re looking at have had their hair and makeup professionally done because you’re an idiot.) You think, “I can totally pull of a lob.” (A lob is a long bob for those not paying attention.)

You save several photos that you really like and start showing them to everyone you know. Obviously they all tell you that it’s adorable and you’d look great.

You finally decide to call your hair salon and make the appointment.

The day of the appointment comes and you’re feeling excited. You’ve got all those photos on your phone ready to show the stylist. You also rationalize that you’ve got to lose at least 10 pounds after the majority of this mess is off your head.

You sit down at the chair after your hair has been washed and the anxiety starts to kick in. The stylist asks what you want done and you falter. “Maybe I don’t want to cut it short. Maybe just a trim. I could always cut it another time. If I cut it now, I can’t change it.”

You go back and forth with the stylist about just how short you actually want it. Shoulder-length. At the collar bone. Right below the chin. You’re like a deranged auctioneer trying to sell off as little of your hair as possible.

After much haggling and debating, a length is finally decided. It’s not quite as short as you originally planned but still several inches shorter than what you’ve got going on now.

Fear starts to seep in when you see all your luscious locks start to fall to the floor. That’s right. The mop on top of your head suddenly becomes a luscious mane and the monster with the scissors is taking it all away.

You eventually calm yourself down. The hair is already cut. This is what you needed. It will all be OK.

When all the hair has been cut and your new short hair has been styled, you look in the mirror to view the results. It looks great! It’s so healthy-looking. You’re so satisfied with your haircut that you over tip the stylist. It’s all good. She deserves it for dealing with your mane.

For the next three days you constantly check yourself out in every mirror that you pass. You look good. You feel confident. You love your new hair.

Then you wash your hair for the first time and realize you’ve made a terrible mistake. You want to find the animals who claim that short hair is the best because it’s so low maintenance. Who invented this myth? Who do I have to punch in the throat? Short hair is so far from being low maintenance. How did the stylist make it look so beautiful? How did she get it to bounce the way that it did? And OMG I can’t even just throw it up in a ponytail without looking like a crazy homeless person!

But eventually things start to settle down. You learn how to style this hair and make yourself look presentable. The short hair starts to grow on you.

However, you vow never to cut your hair short again. That is until the next time your hair grows to unmanageable lengths and you repeat the process all over again.

And now here’s a shameless selfie from someone who recently cut her hair and knows all too well what each of these stages feel like.

me

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14 comments

  1. I just had this thought today!! Life is a cycle of growing your hair long, cutting it all off, and waiting impatiently for it to grow back again even though you’re just going to cut it off again lol

  2. Hahaha, I absolutely love this; you just get it when it comes to changing your hair. I’ve always wanted to do a short cut to see how it would look, but never been brave enough to go through with it because I’m terrible at styling my hair (Which is why it always DOES look fabulous until I wash it!).

    I absolutely love your cut, though, and think it’s perfect for summer! 🙂

    1. Thank you! I am still getting used to this haircut and learning how to style it. I really like a wavy bob but the one time I tried to curl this so far, it did not come out OK at all. It’s gonna take some practice.

  3. Haha you know it, girl! Every last feeling on this list is a feeling every woman has experienced at some point in her life. I cut over 12+ inches of hair off last year and holy traumatizing, Batman! I went through every possible thought and feeling and emotion. Which is silly. Because it’s just hair, right? What I realized what I had so much of my identity tied into my hair, so much that I could hide behind. Cutting my luscious locks really was liberating in a way and while I don’t think I will ever, EVER go that short again, it was kinda fun.

    1. I think every girl should do a drastic cut at lease once in their life. Just to see how it is and see if they like it. They may decide they love it and keep their hair short or they may decide that they’re never cutting their hair short again.

  4. LMAO this is awesome! Mainly because I JUST cut my hair this month for my 31st birthday. I was ready for a new, mature look and also to help my hair grow back healthy from all those bad weaves. I love your hair – you look awesome chica!

  5. You get me! I’m at the Research Phase and keep choosing photos that look nothing alike. Some are shoulder length, some are chin length. Some are choppy, others are sophisticated. I’m clearly nowhere near ready to set up an appointment.

    But I see that you survived and got a cute haircut. I can do this! I can make it.

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