Twenty Thoughts I Have While Driving to and from Work

For most of my working life, I took public transportation. It wasn’t until very recently that I was able to drive to and from work. Overall, I love it. I like being in control. Not having to wait for a bus or train anymore is fantastic. And it’s wonderful to not deal with the eccentrics on public transportation. Eccentrics is putting it nicely. There are some absolute crazies on the trains in NYC.

I like driving to work. It gives me time to think and listen to music. But it does come with its own set of drawbacks. I ask myself regularly how some people managed to get their license.

Driving to and from work for the past six months has been quite the adventure so far. Here are some very real things I have said out loud or in my head while driving. (Full warning: A lot of it is just me bitching at other drivers.)

  1. Why does the radio in the morning suck so much? I don’t care what you have to say. Shut up and play some music.
  2. I take it back. Talk radio is the best. Time for my favorite segment of all time, Blown Off.*
  3. What is this guy doing? Learn how to drive douchecake.
  4. (Anytime someone cuts me off.) Ooohh, aren’t you just sooo cool?
  5. (Singing.) Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work..I have no idea what she is singing…Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work.
  6. Oh another Justin Bieber song on the radio. What a surprise!
  7. Learn how to drive douchecake!
  8. Ugh Demi Lovato. Talk radio come back if this is the shitty music you’re going to play.
  9. Oh shit, is that a cop?
  10. Ah it is! How fast was I going?
  11. Act natural. Act natural. Act natural.
  12. OK thank goodness, the cops are gone.
  13. Dude, the cops are gone. No need to drive 40 miles on the highway.
  14. What is with this traffic and why does it just come out of nowhere?
  15. OK, and now the traffic is gone and we’re back to normal. I fully blame shitty drivers for the random spurts of traffic.
  16. Learn how to drive douchecake!
  17. OMG NO! The 1-877-Kars4Kidz commercial. I need to change this shit right now or I’ll have this song stuck in my head for the next month.
  18. Oh yea! *Nsync! Time to have a dance party in my car.
  19. There better be parking right by my job. It’s a million degrees outside and I don’t wanna walk far.
  20. Learn how to drive douchecake!

So there you have it. My driving consists of a lot of nonsensical rambling and constantly bitching about drivers with the occasional singing thrown in the mix.

*Blown Off is where they find out what went wrong on a first date. So let’s say a guy totally ghosted on a girl and she doesn’t know why cause her impression of the first date was amazing. They’ll call the guy and ask what went wrong. It’s always fascinating to hear some of the things that have turned a person off during a date. I highly recommend you check it out.

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19 comments

  1. Me: (Anytime someone cuts me off) The fuck?

    I think I scream out my window twice a day while in Connecticut. They are by far the worst, self-absorbed group of douchies ever.

  2. If you don’t have a dance/caraoke party on your way to and from work, you aren’t doing it right. But I am right there with you on the shitty, shitty drivers and shitty, shitty radio station programming in the morning. I wouldn’t mind the talking or even shitty, shitty J. Bieber songs if they didn’t consist of a million kajillion commercials. Actually, scratch that. I would mind the J. Bieber songs.

    1. OMG! I’ve said the same thing. I don’t want to just honk at you. You need a sign letting you know exactly how idiotic you’re driving right now. I want to create a “Use Your Signal Douche” sign and leave it in my car. I’d probably use it about 50 times a day.

  3. lmao #5 had me dying. I can’t even begin to calculate all of the thoughts that go through my mind when I drive. I wonder if the other drivers know that I’m often in a road war with them. I feel the same about talk radio EVERY morning until I hear something that catches my attention and I’m instantly transformed into “mmm tell me more.” lol. Anywho, I needed this laugh – thank you!

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