My favorite line when I start dating someone new is, “I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
Those first few weeks/months of dating someone, things are as close to perfect as they’ll ever be. You’re both on your best behavior and trying really hard to impress one another. The guy never cancels, always texts on time. The girl always has her makeup and hair done, never complains. Everyone is trying to be the most perfect version of themselves.
I spend a new relationship just waiting to see when this blissful period will end. Because it always does. It tends to end in the most horrifically dramatic way possible. The guy doesn’t just stop canceling, he stops making plans altogether. He stops texting right away and instead takes 3-5 business days to respond with an “lol” or an “ok.”
This is never fun and it’s the reason why I always enter a new relationship with skepticism. I know the other shoe is going to drop. It’s not a matter of if but a matter of when.
However, there is something that I need to realize: the other shoe is always going to drop and that’s OK. What matters is how it drops. If it drops but I’m able to pick it up, slip it back on, and keep on walking, that’s alright. It’s when the shoe drops and breaks so badly that it’s cheaper to just buy a new pair than take them to get fixed, that I need to worry about it.
The other shoe is always going to drop. That new period in a relationship I just spoke about – the one where everyone is on their best behavior – is nice but it’s not sustainable. Perfect bliss in a relationship isn’t real.
Relationships are messy and complicated because people are messy and complicated.
You shouldn’t want that perfect bliss to last forever because then you’re never really seeing the person you’re dating for who they truly are.
Now this isn’t to say that a person should do a complete 180 when you’ve been dating a few months and stop trying. But this is saying that a person shouldn’t be afraid to show different parts of themselves, even the not so great ones.
I’ve come to realize that I look forward to the other shoe dropping. Show me what makes you YOU. I want the authentic version. Not the version who is on his best behavior because he’s trying to impress me.
What makes you sad? What makes you angry? What are some of your annoying little habits that you kept in check our first few dates?
I am not looking for the perfect version of you. I’m looking for the real version of you.
This is exactly why not only do I realize that the other shoe is always going to drop but I look forward to it.
Well said! I especially love “I’m looking for the real version of you.”
Love it girl! So true 🙂
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
I love this! I too, look forward to this next stage. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and I learned VERY QUICKLY that he’s late to everything. I at first got annoyed with this, especially when I didn’t know his family all that well at the time and when he invited me over, sometimes he wouldn’t be there because he decided to stop at the grocery store on his way home from work but he neglected to tell me haha now I just laugh about it. When he tells me to show up at 7:15, I wait for the text that he’s on his way, which is usually 30 minutes after the fact.
Haha that’s great. That’s exactly what I meant by the other shoe dropping. There are always going to be little things that aren’t perfect about this person. But you usually learn to deal with them because it’s what makes them them.
This is beautifully and authentically 100% real. And I love it! I couldn’t have put it better myself, girl. ❤
Great post! I too, enter relationships with an air of skepticism. But it’s something that I’m going to change. I really believe that we can have that perfect feeling we are so afraid of disappointment that we never fully allow ourselves to begin relationships by throwing ourselves all in like we do with our first loves, for example. It’s like we assume we’ll always be hurt. The other shoe will always drop but the beauty of love and relationships is or should be, that whatever mess you get into, you’re in it together. Mistakes happen and brightness turns dull but if we hold on, we can learn together how to power that light even brighter than it was before! X
Love this comment and agree with everything you’ve said. I especially like “whatever mess you get into, you’re in it together.”
This is so true. I always referred to it as “waiting for the other shoe to drop” too.
With my Hubby after 6 months I think we knew it was seriously real. I always thought I would find the one when I met someone and couldn’t imagine not having them in my life forever. When I got to a year of living together and I realised this was how I felt about him, (he felt the same way as he asked my Dad’s permission after just 6 months). It took us another 3 years to tie the knot and we have now been together 9 and married for almost 5… the other shoe has dropped time and time again because nobody is perfect. I guess the difference is that after the shoe has dropped the first thing we want to do is grab it straight back up again. 🙂
Aww love this. And really love the last part. That’s what I want as well. I tend to run the second things get bad but I want that someone where I’m willing to pick the shoe right back up again instead of throwing it away.
we should both know boys and females that there is no happily ever after, YES relationships are good but there are a lot of commitment
I agree. Relationships are a lot work and that’s what I think people need to realize.
That’s an amazingly positive spin on the shoe dropping! There are never perfect people – just perfect facades. We really should be excited to get to know the unguarded person. It doesn’t have to be so scary! I’m definitely going to change my attitude when getting to know someone – because I definitely wasn’t waiting in positive anticipation for the “revelation.”
It’s always a little scary when you first start dating someone new. Cause you just know that the perfect fairytale is not going to last. You just gotta hope that the “revelation” is something you can manage.
so, so, so true
Brilliant metaphor! And it’s true, this is when you learn who the other person actually is. The early stages are great with most people, but when the shoe does drop and you like the other person even more? That is something to look forward to.
Nothing can beat the early stages. They are so much fun and everything is perfect. But it’s so much more exciting and more meaningful when you start getting into the tougher stuff. That’s when the true feelings start to develop.
I agree with you completely! I think if relationships are “perfect” they aren’t really real. I absolutely love the way you ended this post. You are such a beautiful writer and I can’t wait to read more! 🙂
Aww thank you so much! 🙂
This is really good advice; I love that you admit you want a real relationship, rather than a perfect one. 😊💕
First date interviews are a drag. I’m usually very relaxed and not on my best behavior. This way I feel as if I am not being disingenuous… sort of.
If you are looking for trouble or problems you will always find them…