All the Things I’ve Wanted to Tell You These Past Three Years

Everyday at least one thing occurs that I would have wanted to tell you about. It could be something that happened with me or something that I saw. More often than not it’s something funny Daniel or Lucas did that I know you’d love.

Speaking of Daniel and Lucas, you would love them so much. You’d get a kick out of all the boys. I feel bad for them because they’re going to grow up without you. I always tell Christopher how lucky he is that he got to spend the first six years of his life with you.

He misses you a lot. We all do.

A lot has happened the three years since you’ve been gone. I hope you’re proud of me. I always think about that letter you left me where you encouraged me to always follow my dreams. I haven’t followed all those dreams yet but I’m working on it.

All the things I’ve accomplished the past year were a little bittersweet. Things aren’t the same if I can’t share them with you.

You were my person. The one I always wanted to tell everything.

I’m sorry I don’t talk to you as much I want to. I want to believe that someway you can hear me but it’s not easy. But I hope with all my heart that you can. I hope that you’re still out there somewhere and that you’re happy.

I hope you look down on the family you had to leave with pride. Sorry that we’re not quite as close as we were when you were alive. But we’re trying.

I’m sorry that sometimes an entire day goes by that I don’t think about you. But you’re always in my heart.

And sorry that I’m apologizing so much. I know you’d hate that and tell me to stop being ridiculous.

I just have so many things that I’d love to say to you if I were given one more chance to see you. But the most important thing I want to tell you is that I miss you. All the time. I miss your face. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss your cooking. I miss watching TV with you. I miss playing cards. I miss our trips to the supermarket. I miss venting to you. I miss your advice.

I miss you.

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14 comments

      1. Thank you. A part of me wanted to die with him, then. Another part of me did die with him. I was changed by his death, and that remains with me today. In other ways I am stronger than I otherwise would have been, because I had to be. I have always wondered what might have been. I still love him.

  1. Aw Liz, this was beautiful. It sounds like you and your grandmother had some awesome times together. I’m sure she appreciates even the little steps that your family takes to be closer and to spend time together. And its never too late to take even a few more steps :).

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