Things I Cannot Do Smoothly Because of Anxiety

Most of the times my anxiety is not funny. When I am in the middle of a full blown panic attack, the last thing on my mind is laughing. But there are times when I am able to recognize just how ridiculous I am being.

There’s a constant struggle between two parts of my brain. One part won’t calm the fuck down cause it’s convinced that the world is about to end. The other part wishes it’s neighbor would stop freaking out because it just wants to go to sleep.

There are times when I worry about the most ridiculous shit. Shit that really does not need to be worried about. At times it prevents me from doing basic every day things. I still manage to do these things but it would go a whole lot smoother if I could just shut my brain off.

Here are just a few things that I am unable to do smoothly because of my anxiety.

Small talk with a stranger. Am I being annoying? I’m asking too many questions. Stop asking questions. Wait, what if I’m not asking enough questions. Find something to talk about. Except for the weather. Anything but the weather. “So, can you believe how cold it’s been?”

Have a go-with-the-flow relationship. There’s no “let’s just see how things go” with me. Either we’re doing this or not. I can’t spend time questioning where I stand. Even if you make it obvious, I need to hear you say the words, “We’re together.”

Have any kind of relationship for that matter. Haha, I was totally faking it before. If you do say we’re together, I’m still going to spend hours questioning where I stand.

Straighten my hair. Anytime I straighten my hair, I have this overwhelming fear that I will burn down my apartment. Numerous times I had to call my dad to go to my apartment and check my straightener. Then I started texting myself a photo of my unplugged straightener right before I left so I could reassure myself throughout the day. All of these tactics just weren’t enough. Now whenever I straighten my hair, I bring my straightener with me so I know for sure I didn’t leave it on and potentially burn down everything I own.

Go to sleep at a reasonable hour. You know what happens when I’m trying to go to sleep? I think of every little thing that has ever worried me in my entire life.

Watch any TV show that takes place in a hospital. Since I was little, I’ve had to avoid any TV show that takes place in a hospital. ER, House, Grey’s Anatomy. Can’t watch any of them. I’m a paranoid person on a regular day. If I watch a hospital show, I’ll spend the next 72 hours convinced that I have the Plague.

Read or watch the news. I know keeping up with current events is important. And I do it from time to time so I’m aware of what’s going on and so I don’t look like a complete idiot. But I do not enjoy it at all! The news has always been scary and depressing but right now, it’s almost unbearable.

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17 comments

  1. Anxiety is such a difficult thing, and I almost wonder if it’s more prevalent now that there’s social media and we are all so connected to everything (Or if maybe it is just talked about more since people are more open about things online). Just know you’re not alone in any of that and be gentle with yourself when you do do “goofy” things, because to anxiety it’s not ridiculous at all. I sometimes check the gas burner several times before going to bed just to be sure I won’t have a gas leak, and I do the same thing with checking to make sure I shut doors of rooms I don’t want Macy (my dog) to get into. It’s rough!

    1. I do think a lot of it has to with the fact that we’re more open about these things now. Thank goodness there isn’t as much of a stigma surrounding things like anxiety. Not the way that it used to be.

  2. LOL I do the same thing with the straightener. I check to make sure I unplugged it at least four times before I leave the apartment. I even say it out loud to myself so that when I freak out halfway through my commute, I’ll remember I said it out loud.

    1. Omg, I do the saying things out loud as well. Sometimes I have to force myself to remember doing certain things before I left the house. I have to think about the action I took to turn off the toaster over, etc.

  3. I am liking in support, not because I like anxiety. Anxiety can be so crippling. I have had panic attacks where I just go completely internal and shut down. Happened in a massive crowd once where we were being pushed around and because I am short I couldn’t see above heads, it really freaked Hubby out.
    I absolutely hear you on the small talk thing and the sleeping thing too. Although I found out once we moved to our new area that people were all talking to Hubby and not to me because they thought me aloof and unapproachable so I am addressing that and forcing myself too. I have found that sometimes if I force myself to do things enough then my anxiety issues surrounding them lessen with time.
    Sleep has been a bad one all this year. I discovered pilates this year which has helped me a lot in feeling balanced, I am also using deep sleep music at night (you can find all sorts on YouTube) which sometimes help a LOT!
    I even have the straightener thing a little bit. I am not too bad over it, but I have been known to msg Hubby to ask him to check it for me.

    1. Thanks for the comment. Sorry to hear about the panic attacks. That sounds incredibly overwhelming. I like all the suggestions. I wanna try to force myself to do more things that are out of my comfort zone. It’d be so great if doing them can help with my anxiety.

  4. Ahh, I feel you on so much of this!! Especially the “go-with-the-flow relationship” thing. Even if I’m not emotionally invested myself and just looking for a friends with benefits type of deal, I need it to be defined and all parties involved aware of the status. I would love to know what it’s like to be easy-going in relationships, even with friends lol

  5. Awww… Liz… ❤ Btw, I am so sorry, but I really couldn't stop laughing at the "I bring my straightener with me" 😛 You are hysterical 😀

    While I am going to agree with most of it on some level, I need to say I definitely love watching House.

  6. LMAO I can definitely relate. There is definitely no way I’m going with the flow; I would rather be alone – at least that way I KNOW I’m single lol! The photo idea for unplugging your straightener is so creative and I love it lol. What would you do if you checked and realized you didn’t send yourself a picture? Do you immediately go home? I have to know lol. I pretty much relate to everything on this list – so I’m gonna stop here haha!

    1. Oh my goodness. Thankfully that has never happened to me but I would probably lose my shit if I realized that I didn’t send myself a pic. I would not be able to concentrate the rest of the day until I saw that my apartment was still in tact and not on fire.

  7. The best thing I ever did for my lifetime anxiety is to do Neurofeedback. It helps you to train your brain to automatically calm itself. I was lucky enough to get to work directly with the scientist and all around great guy Bill Scott. You can find out more at BrainPaint.com. I almost never even ramp up anywhere close to a panic attacks anymore after a lifetime of anxiety to the point of agoraphobia. It sounds like some kind of airy-fairy bullshit, but it really works! (I am not an ad-bot. I promise.)

  8. Like 99% of this list I can totally relate as someone who also struggles with an anxiety disorder. And it’s so weird, literally right before I scrolled down and saw this post, I thought maybe I should do a funny post about some of the things that I do with my anxiety. You beat me to it! lol

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