Dating

Dating Advice From Someone Who Is Horrible at It

As you all know, I’m not so great at this whole dating thing. Never have been, probably never will be. I don’t see myself becoming the next host of the Millionaire Matchmaker anytime soon. (Actually, considering that the host of a friggen matchmaking show is single maybe I could!) I spent a large portion of my 20’s dating and making a lot of mistakes. But along the way I learned a lot. I’ve always been better at giving other people advice but not being able to give myself the same advice.

As it always seems to go, a lot of my friends have come to me for relationship/dating advice. I never understood it really. It’s like asking the vegan what’s the best way to grill a steak. But I liked it. Hearing others’ experiences in dating and giving my own perspective, has also helped me learn a lot about my own dating life.

So I have decided to bestow some of my words of wisdom to you, my loyal readers. Please keep in mind that I do not claim to be an expert at dating. (I admit to being horrible at it right in the title.) But these are just some of the things I’ve learned along the way dating and hearing about the adventures in my friends’ dating life. Also, all of this stuff is coming from my personal experiences. I am not excluding people on purpose but I feel as though I can only give proper dating advice to girls dating boys. It’s all I know.

Sex is and isn’t a big deal. When you’re first dating someone, a lot of emphasis is put on sex. Just do a quick Google search of the phrase “when should I sleep with the guy I’m dating?” You’ll get a million hits. And every single article will have a different time frame. As confusing as this may sound, my thoughts on sex when it comes to dating is that it’s a big deal but in the same sense, it isn’t. When you’re dating someone new, sex is just another part of getting to know them. You should never be using sex as a way to get something that you want in a relationship, i.e. him making things official. But sex also does change the dynamics of a relationship. If you’re already liking someone, the feelings may very well get deeper after you have sex. You need to be prepared for that. In the end, no one can tell you when you should sleep with someone except for you. Just do it when you feel comfortable, and ONLY when you’re comfortable.

Do not get trashed on a first date. This is coming from someone who loves her alcohol. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. However, getting drunk on a first date is never a good look. And this goes for both guys and girls. Have a drink or two to settle your nerves but keep the sloppy drunkenness for at least the third date.

If there’s nothing there, you can’t force it. This past year I implemented a two-dates and then I’m done rule for myself. I do believe that you can sometimes be unsure about a person after a first date. You feel like there may be something but you’re not sure. There’s nothing wrong with going on that second date to find out. However, if after that second date you’re still not sure, it’s best to just end things. You cannot force feelings. If they’re not there, they’re not there. Forcing it is unfair to the person you’re dating and to yourself.

Don’t string someone along cause you’re bored and/or lonely. This is just wrong on so many levels but I feel as though we’ve all been guilty of doing this at least once. Even if we lied to ourselves and claimed we really liked the person. No, you just like the attention they’re giving you. I’ll go back to my previous point: if you’re still not feeling it after the second date, cut ties.

Go into your own wallet every once in awhile. This may be an unpopular opinion and you all may not agree with me but I’m going to say it anyway. I think the guy should pay on the first date. Even if the girl does the whole “would you like some money?,” it’s just to be polite. She doesn’t actually want you take her money. Now with that being said, your man shouldn’t be paying for every single thing, every single time. If you’re both working, there is no excuse for you not to dip into your wallet even once the entire time you’re dating.

There’s nothing wrong with meeting a potential spouse online. I have this friend who is obsessed with the perfect love story. She wants some epic tale of how her and her husband met that she can one day tell her grandkids. It’s a great idea but usually doesn’t work that way. Do you really think you’re going to fall in the middle of the street and right before a taxi runs you over, a Ryan Gosling look-a-like is going to scoop you up in his arms and save your life? Sorry, this isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie. More and more people are meeting their significant others online and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The majority of single people these days probably have at least one dating profile, most have more than one.

Rejection is just a part of dating. I am going to be blunt here: not everyone is going to like you. Have you liked every person you’ve ever come across? Have you ever come across a guy who seemed really cool and even thought he was cute but felt absolutely nothing for him romantically? These things happen. And they are going to happen to you. You shouldn’t take it personally. Just move on because there is a guy out there that will realize just how amazing you are.

Having standards is one thing but being too picky is not good. Keep your standards. Don’t settle for a dud just because you’re scared you’re going to wake up one day at the age of 50, alone, with a dozen cats. There are some things that you shouldn’t compromise with in a relationship. However, there is a such thing as being too picky. The guy you’re dating isn’t perfect and neither are you. Don’t drop him the second you discover something you don’t like about him.

The “What are we” talk isn’t all that important. You’ve been dating a guy for a little while now and things have been going great. He texts you and makes time to hang out with you when he’s not working. It’s obvious that he’s into you. The only thing that hasn’t happened yet is the “Where is this going” chat. That’s fine. There’s no need to bring that up when it’s early in a relationship if it’s pretty obvious where you stand.

But if you’re feeling unsure/uncomfortable about something, speak up. If you find yourself constantly questioning where you stand with a guy or feel that things have suddenly changed, then speak up. You have the right to know if you guys are on the same page or if you’re wasting your time. A conversation like this can be scary and you may not always get the response you’d like but it’s always better to bring it up sooner rather than later.

Things Are Different This Time

Well I haven’t been around in awhile. I did not want to start 2016 completely neglecting this blog. It kind of just happened that way. I don’t have a working laptop at the moment and the new job does not leave me a lot of time to sit and write a post. (I did some of my best blogging at my old job.)

I’ve been missing blogging and reading posts from my favorite bloggers. But other than that, 2016 has been going really well for me. My job as a Young Adult librarian has been a lot of fun. I still haven’t fully won over the teens at my library but I will! I’m not above bribing them with chips and cookies. They will like me! I’ve also found a place to live. I will once again have my own place by February 15th. I’ll also be purchasing a new laptop to go with my move so blogging will go back to normal eventually. (You all can rejoice!)

Additionally, remember the nice boy who’s tall and makes me laugh I spoke about in my last post? Well he is still very much in the picture. Things are going really good. It’s no secret that I have a tendency to overthink things so I can honestly say that things are going scarily good. Boys normally fall into one of two categories for me. Either I really like them and am attracted to them but they’re assholes who don’t treat me so great or they are so nice to me and are so into me but I feel nothing towards them. But this guy. Man, it’s different. He’s so incredibly nice and he likes me. But I also really like him and think he is just the cutest boy ever! (I know, I know. I’m corny! I can’t help it.)

Anyone who has read even just a handful of my posts will know that I am not very good at the whole dating thing. Things never seem to work out. Things just feel different this time around. I’m not pulling many of my classic-Liz moves that I normally do when I like a boy.

I don’t analyze every word of every text I send him. If there’s something I want to tell him or just want to say “hi,” I send him the text without even thinking about it. I don’t spend hours debating whether I should send him a “What’s going on?” or “What’s up?” text with my friends. (Something I have sadly done many times before.)
I’m not afraid to let him know I like him and be affectionate towards him. This is going to be very shocking to hear, but I have a bit of a wall built up around me. I don’t normally like letting a guy know I’m into him for fear of being hurt.
If he doesn’t answer my text right away, I don’t stress. I know it’s cause he’s probably busy at work or just hasn’t had a chance to answer me back yet.
I haven’t spent hours obsessing over all the things that are wrong with him. I like him and I haven’t tried convincing myself that there are so many reasons why I shouldn’t like him.
I’m myself around him. This is a big one. Normally when I like a boy, it’s almost impossible for me to be myself. I don’t do it on purpose but I’m just thinking so much that it’s hard to act natural. When I’m with this boy, I’m incredibly goofy and the conversation just flows easily.
I have no problems initiating plans with him. This coincides with point number 2. Normally, I avoid coming across as clingy or as though I like a boy too much by never being the first to make plans. I’ll usually make the guy do all the work.
I don’t feel the need to constantly talk about him. Here comes another shocker: I’m usually pretty insecure when dating someone. I normally spend a lot of time chewing my friend’s ears off with every detail about what’s going on with the guy I’m dating. I think I’m subconsciously looking for reassurance that things are going well.
I’m not worried about the future or “what we are.” This is still all new. We’ve been hanging out for about a month now and I’m just enjoying the time. I’m not overthinking labels or where this is all headed. I’m just enjoying my time with him right now.

I’ve been very un-Liz like and I’m really liking it.

I’m My Own Worst Enemy When It Comes to Dating

I wish I could say that this post comes with some sort of advice or lesson learned. It doesn’t. This is a way for me to try to work out a problem I’ve always had. A problem that I cannot even begin to explain. Maybe some of you lovely readers will have some answers. If nothing else, maybe I’ll be able to find some fellow weirdos who can relate.

It all started at a very young age. Probably in the third grade with the first boy who had a crush on me. He was so sweet. When I was out sick for a week right before the holidays and my dad came to school to pick up my homework, this boy gave him a present for me. It was a stuffed animal with a note hoping that I’ll feel better soon. That was incredibly sweet and showed bravery. An 8-year-old went up to my father to give him a present for the daughter that he has a crush on. This crush went nowhere. I didn’t even hold his hand (the equivalent of getting to third base when you’re eight). I immediately friend-zoned this poor guy.

Maybe I just didn’t like this little Romeo. I’ve already went over how just being “the nice guy” isn’t enough. But I have a history of turning away the boys I’ve liked as well. My first date was in the fifth grade to see Liar, Liar with a boy I really liked. Halfway through the movie, with my date constantly trying to put his arm around me, I came to the realization that maybe I don’t like this guy after all. Needless to say, this was our first and last date. Then for my sixth grade prom, the boy I had the biggest crush on actually asked me to be his prom date! I was ecstatic for a day before I started to question whether I actually really did like him. Turns out I didn’t so I had a friend tell him that I couldn’t go to the prom with him. (I am fully aware that I am coming off as Regina George-levels of mean and maybe I was when it came to these poor boys. But I really didn’t do it intentionally.)

This cycle of being a weirdo followed me into high school. I was a loser in high school. Braces, glasses, and a back brace will do that. I didn’t stand a chance. But there were a few boys who actually showed me attention. What did I do? I bet you’ll never guess. I ran away! One boy, who was tall, cute, and played football, inexplicably showed interest in me when I was a freshman in high school. I immediately closed up whenever I saw him and would go out of my way to avoid talking to him on the bus or in the hallway. A big part of this could be attributed to confusion. I just went over what I was packing in high school. I thought that this dude was playing some kind of cruel trick by being nice to me.

I wish I could say that after I left my teenage years, things got better. They haven’t. In fact, they have just gotten worse. There have been boys that I have genuinely liked. Truly cared about. But it’s always been at a distance. I never truly let them in. The second I feel as though things may be starting to get serious, I find some excuse to bail. No person in this world is perfect so if you try hard enough you’ll always be able to come up with an excuse to leave them. There’s always something that you’re not going to like. When I find that something, I convince myself that it’s a deal breaker.

There was one boy in my life that I let get to me. One boy that I actually cried over. It was a boy I met in college. He was really into me and always tried hanging out with me but surprise, surprise I kept putting it off. This happened for two semesters. Then finally he reveals to me that he got a GF so we stopped talking. Fast forward a little over three years and he calls me out of the blue. We start dating even though he was only 3-months out of a long-term relationship with the very girl that caused us to stop talking so many years ago. This guy was a walking red flag but I didn’t care. I went along with it anyway cause I actually liked him. A boy I actually liked and wanted to spend time with! I couldn’t pass it up.

Naturally things started to go south rather quickly. The texts got less frequent, something always came up when we were supposed to hang out. Eventually things ended cause he was still hung up on his GF (they even went to dinner one night while me and him were supposedly dating). I knew he was hung up on his GF, I knew he was emotionally unavailable, but I went along with it anyway. Nonsense with this boy went on and off for a little over a year before it ended for good. I know you guys are shaking your end at me for thinking getting into a relationship with a guy right out a long-term relationship was a good idea. Trust me, I’m shaking my head at myself. Maybe the allure of him being emotionally unavailable is what pulled me in.

Things still haven’t gotten better. This February, I met a boy. A tall boy with GREAT hair, who had his own place and made me laugh. He made an effort to take me out on real, proper dates. He cooked me dinner. The first time he did, I went to his place and the table was all set and everything. He also made me feel really pretty. He was incredibly complimentary, and not in an annoying, “just saying you look nice cause I should” way. He was so genuine in his compliments. Any normal girl, after coming across a guy like this would be elated. Unfortunately, we’ve already established that I’m not a normal girl. I literally found everything to discredit this guy. “He’s really clingy.” “He texts a lot.” “He wants to hang out all the time.”

(You are completely justified in judging me while reading this and please feel free to be mean to me in the comments section. I need it.)

Fast forward a few months later, I’ve found a way to sabotage things with the boy from February and I’m getting ready to be set up with my brother-in-law’s friend. Things are good for about a week before they start to go south. Regular readers will be familiar with this one. He’s the infamous almost relationship boy. This boy has been trouble since day one yet I keep coming back. (Yep, he is still in the picture.) It’s as though him being emotionally unavailable and a dick to me, is the way to my heart.

I’ve expressed my concerns about my dating habits to the people closest to me. I fear that I’m not actually capable of falling in love. There has to be something wrong with me that I can’t find anyone I truly like. I fear that I may have met the one for me but in my own stupidity I let him get away. (I still think about the boy from February a lot and genuinely miss him.)

They all tell me the things you’re supposed to say to someone when they are single and complaining: “You just haven’t met that special someone yet. He’s out there.” I get the sentiment and it’s the right thing to say, but it’s not always true. Not everyone finds their special someone. We all know at least a few people in their forties who never settled down. And if I’m being completely honest with myself and letting my guard down, that’s one of my biggest fears. I like being single. However, I don’t want to be alone forever. It’d be nice to find that person I could share life’s ups and downs with. But sometimes I feel as though I’m not capable of it.

I am not big on New Year’s resolutions. They are stupid and usually never actually work out. But if I had to commit to one thing in the upcoming year, I’d like to be less of an idiot when it comes to dating. I’m FAR from perfect and I need to remember that so is the person I’m dating. If they treat me right and make me laugh, then I shouldn’t be going out of my way to find things to dislike about them.

The Number One Rule of Dating

When you start dating someone, you’re going to find yourself doing a lot of questioning. “Does this person like me?” “What exactly are they looking for?” “Am I coming on too strong?” “When should I sleep with them?” “Should I have ‘the talk’ or should I just wait it out?” So. Many. Questions.

You are going to turn to every outlet available to find the answers to these questions. Do a quick Google search of “When should I sleep with the person I’m dating?” and it will turn up millions of results. And each article you find will have a different response. Three dates. Five Dates. Three months. Marriage. Any situation you find yourself in, I guarantee someone else has been in that exact same position. Some other person has found themselves dealing with a person who doesn’t respond to texts fast enough or went from texting every day to completely MIA overnight. And I bet they even wrote a blog post about it to help the next person figure out how to handle it.

Aside from the always helpful Internet, there are real life people to turn to when your dating life gets a bit tricky. I know for myself my friends are always there with a helpful, “Fuck him. I hate him and he’s not worth the trouble.” They really mean well. They just want to help you out and don’t want to see you get hurt.

Well luckily your favorite blogger is here so you don’t have to turn to the Internet or real life people anymore. I’m here to hit you with some real truth. I have got all the dating advice you’ll ever need. Once you read this you’ll never have to take another “But what does this text really mean?” quiz ever again.

Here is the number one dating rule that everyone needs to follow:

1. Don’t follow any dating rules. Don’t listen to a stupid article that describes the proper way to act with someone that you’re dating. Do whatever you feel is right for your relationship and whatever makes you comfortable.

Your mind must be officially blown right now. But what about the rules??? Well lovely readers, I kindly say fuck the rules! You want to bang on the first date, go right ahead! You want to wait until you feel completely comfortable, no matter how long that may take, then do that.

Relationships and dating are not one size fits all. In the end of the day, it’s just you and that one other person involved in the situation. If you rely on strangers from the Internet or your friends to constantly dictate how to proceed with your relationship, then you’re doing it wrong.

However I will give you just one little piece of advice, even though I just said don’t listen to strangers from the Internet: When it comes to relationships and dating, you really need to follow your instincts and do what feels right for you. Don’t overthink sending a text or asking to hang out. Don’t over-analyze ever single text you receive. Plenty of times people really do just mean what they say and there isn’t some hidden code in a “Hey, what’s up?” text. But the second you find yourself in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or badly about yourself, then you need to back away.

Do I Call You My Ex? The Case of the “Almost Relationship”

As someone who dates a lot but never actually ends up in a relationship, I often come across what I like to refer to as the “almost relationship.” This happens when you meet someone and there is intrigue and attraction. You can tell this isn’t going to be a one-date deal. You start to get into a routine. You talk almost every day and see each other a few times a week. It definitely seems like it’s leading to something and then after a few weeks or a couple of months, it starts to fade. Plenty of times nothing is actually said to end the “almost relationship.” You just start to talk less and less.

I am the first to admit that the majority of the times my “almost boyfriends” have turned into someone that I used to know (try reading that without singing, I dare you) is because of me. A huge part of it is my insane fear of commitment. I always think I want to be a relationship and I genuinely don’t want to wind up alone for the rest of my life, but the second I see things starting to get serious, I put an end to it. I’ll usually find something about the guy that I don’t like. Something that I just cannot put up with so clearly I have to put an end to this whole thing before it gets serious. Most of the time it’s a completely superficial thing. It’s just my way of ending things before they get into territory that scares me.

Twice I have found myself on the other end, and the second time came last night. Let me just say that it’s a horrible feeling. It’s not so much losing the person. Sure I liked the guy but three weeks is a short amount of time. I’ll easily be able to get over him and move on. The worst part of these “almost relationships” ending is the way it makes you feel. This person is just getting to know you. They’ve only seen the preview of you and have already decided that they’ve had enough and need to back away as fast as possible. That is a really shitty feeling. It doesn’t matter how nice the guy is about it and whatever reason he gives, you will wake up feeling like assballs. At least, assballs is what I felt like this morning when I woke up.

Coming to terms with the ending of an “almost relationship” is never fun but having been on both sides, I have learned a few things. When someone ends something with you before it even starts, you’re going to feel like it’s all your fault. Clearly there is something wrong with you. And here’s the thing, a part of it is you. This person did decide that they don’t want to be with you. But it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.

Overall, it is all about the other person. There can a million reasons that someone decides they don’t want to be in a relationship. There are plenty of guys I’ve let go that were great guys and would make great boyfriends. They just weren’t right with me. Actually, I’ve had to deal with the regret of ending an “almost relationship” prematurely. There is one boy in particular who I always regret ending things with. And there is nothing I can do about it now because he’s in a relationship with someone else. See how that works. He was the one who probably felt crappy at the end of our relationship and now he’s doing fine and I’m pining away.

For anyone dealing with end of an “almost relationship,” I know it sucks. It’s a major blow to your ego and you’re going to need a few days to wallow and feel sad. Do it. Complain to your friends all you want. But remember that you’re going to move on very quickly. This person wasn’t in your life long enough to even make a dent. Moving on will be easy. And you have to realize that there is nothing wrong with you. Think of all the people that you came across, lovely people, who you realized that you didn’t want to be with. We’re not going to want to date every person we meet. There’d be no fun and excitement if that were the case. One day you’re going to find yourself in an “almost relationship” that will seamlessly flow into an actual relationship. It may just take a little longer than you hoped for. At least, I know it’s taking a lot longer for me.

Because I’m feeling melancholy today and it fits with the theme of this post, here’s one of my favorite sad songs:

And, don’t forget to leave me some love in the comments. Comments always make me happy. And a happy blogger means more upbeat, funny posts in the near future.

Thoughts of a Perpetually Single Girl

I’m the single friend. I’m always the single friend. Relationships and I go together like peanut butter and tuna fish.

Now the Internet would have you believe that single people can only be one of two things: Either I am strutting in my 6-inch heels shouting to the world that “I’m an independent woman and I don’t need no man” or I am lying in bed, downing my fifth glass of wine, and crying while yet another friend is getting engaged, all while shouting to the world that “I’m forever alone.”

Here’s the thing: being the perpetually single girl means I do a little bit of both. It’s the best of times. It’s the worst of times. Sometimes it’s really fucking awesome and sometimes it really fucking sucks. See, it’s not so different than what it’s like to be in a relationship.

1. “There has to be something wrong with me.” This thought will pop into your head at some point. You just can’t seem to find someone that you genuinely like and would want to commit to. Everyone else seems to fall into relationships so easily so clearly the problem must lie with you.

2. Whenever someone comes to you to complain about their relationship (and they always seem to come to you like you’re clearly the expert), you feel much better about your single status. Relationships can be great but they can also be really stressful. Hearing someone complain about the latest drama in their relationship will make you incredibly grateful that you don’t have to deal with any of that.

3. You’ll want to smack the people who ask, “Why are you still single?” Everything about that question is obnoxious and it needs to be wiped out of existence immediately.

4. When you go out, there’s always that possibility of meeting someone. We all know they say things come when we’re not looking for them or when we least expect them. However, when you’re perpetually single, it’s always in the back of your mind that you can meet someone when out. And this is a good thing. The possibility of meeting someone new is exciting.

5. You will cherish your single friends, especially when you start getting older. Making a new friend in your late twenties and finding out that she’s single as well is basically the equivalent to finding out your kindergarten classmate’s favorite color is also blue. Instant best friends!

6. While you’re incredibly happy for them, a part of you will get sad when one of your single friends gets into a relationship. “Why did you go over to the dark side?”

7. Realizing that you could go on vacation tomorrow or move cross country without having to take anyone else into consideration except yourself is an amazing feeling.

8. You will become incredibly comfortable being single. Sometimes you’ll fear that you might be getting a little too comfortable. “I have to share this luxurious bed with another human being for the rest of my life? What if they’re not cool with Oreos in bed? That’s no way to live!”

9. Going to weddings will suck. Even if you are doing fine with your singleness, it will be a reminder of just how single you really are. Getting invited with a plus one is always a dilemma. “Do I scramble to see if I can get a date to come with me or do I just suck it up and go alone?”

10. Seeing a razor in the winter will make you pause and think, “What the hell is that?” My legs resemble Chewbacca in the winter because no one is seeing them but me.

11. Meeting someone new who *GASP* you actually like is incredibly scary. You’ll make yourself crazy thinking of all the ways you are going to mess it up because your track record has shown that this cannot end well.

12. But deep down you know that no matter how things turn out with the new guy, you’ll be OK. You’ve figured out long ago that you’re OK being alone and don’t need to be in a relationship.

The Eight Stages of Online Dating

Ah, online dating. If you are single in your twenties these days, either you have tried online dating, have thought about online dating, or been harassed by friends and family members because you aren’t trying online dating. Tinder, OK Cupid, Match, Plenty of Fish (Pof if you’re in the know). The possibilities are endless. If you find yourself single for a significant amount of time, odds are you’ll dabble into online dating a bit.

Be prepared! It’s a dark, scary road. Here are the eight stages you should expect to experience.

1. Avoidance – When you are single, it’s inevitable that people will start suggesting online dating to you. “If you’re single, what else are you doing with your time? How could you not be using every means possible to find a significant other?” But you know better! You’ve seen enough SVU episodes to know how this ends. You don’t want your 15 minutes of fame to come because you were murdered by the guy you met on Plenty of Fish. Besides you have this all figured out. You’ll continue going through your daily routine falling flat on your face every five minutes. Eventually you’ll fall into the arms of a hot stranger. Right?!! That’s what the movies keep telling you will happen!

2. Disbelief – After people suggest you should try online dating, they will no doubt tell you about a success story. It’s usually their sister’s brother’s aunt’s uncle’s dog’s friend who knows someone who knows someone who met her husband online. This online married couple is probably best friends with the married couple who started out as a one night stand. Do these happily married couples who met online really exist? You are highly skeptical.

3. Reluctance – Eventually you cave. Maybe you spend one too many nights in your bed watching Netflix and eating a whole pizza pie by yourself. You think, “It would be nice to order TWO pizza pies and have someone I can be fat with.” So you create an account on Ok Cupid, Plenty of Fish, or one of the other free online dating sites. Match and eHarmony can suck it with their fees!

4. Intrigue – So you finally join the online dating world but still have a lot of doubt. There is no way you’ll actually find someone. Then it happens. You get a message and it’s grammatically correct and actually has some substance. You check out his profile and not only is he cute but he seems relatively normal and intelligent. Could it be? Have you found someone normal and attractive online? After an hour-long deliberation on what to say, which usually involves friends and wine, you message him back.

5. Disgust – By now you’ve gone on a few dates. Mr. Seems Normal and Sends Interesting Messages turned out to be a total bust. Seems that people aren’t always what they appear to be on the Internet. Who knew? If you get one more message from a guy explicitly telling you the things he’d love to do to you, you are going to throw your laptop out the window!

6. Questioning – There will come a point where you start to question who you are as a person. You come to the conclusion that everyone on the online dating site is insane. So, wouldn’t that also make you insane? You think, “OMG, I must be just as crazy as these wackos. There are no normal people on this site, myself included!”

7. Deletion – After your hundredth creepy email, you give up! This whole online dating thing is doing more harm than good. The guys disgust you and then you start feeling disgusting about yourself. This isn’t giving up. This taking back your life. You come to the conclusion that online dating is the worst.

8. Withdrawal – So you delete your account and for a while you are doing fine! You’ll find someone on your own time. You don’t need the Internet to help. But eventually thoughts will start to creep into the back of your mind. “Meeting people in real life is damn near impossible.” “Maybe not EVERYONE on the Internet is crazy. I just need to be more selective in who I talk to.” So you cave once again and join the world of online dating vowing that this time it will be different.

*Spoiler: It’s not different. Be prepared to continuously repeat stages 3-8.

What You Need To Get Over A Break-Up

This is not the appropriate way to act when someone is breaking up with you.

One of my good friends is going through a difficult break-up. It’s always hard when someone you love is going through a break-up with their significant other. You can spend hours telling them everything that was wrong with their boyfriend (he wore sleeveless hoodies!) and convincing them that the misery they are feeling will pass, but it’s going to take some time for them to recognize your words as truth.

When you’re sitting in your bedroom hysterically crying at 4 in the morning, it’s hard to remember the reasons you ended a relationship. Just a call or a text could make everything better. The problem is that while the communication will provide instant gratification, in the end it will make things worse. You need to remember the reasons you broke up in the first place. Hearing his voice isn’t going to change the very real problems you have.

Getting over a break-up takes time and a lot of resilience. It takes standing your ground. Too many people ignore the original problems they had and get back together after a short time of being apart. News flash: Those problems aren’t going anywhere. They may take a back burner during the euphoria you’re both feeling after getting back together, but one day they will resurface.

Here are the things that we all need in order to really get over a break-up and to move on.

A Harmless Vice. Truth be told, I was going to just put up alcohol here. Cause that is definitely what I need when going through something. But I need to remember that not everyone is a lush like me. Now when I say vice, I am not suggesting you all start smoking crystal meth. Don’t do that! But a bottle of wine, a tub of ice cream, binge watching an entire series on Netflix. All of these are excellent vices that can help get your mind off of the break-up for a few hours.
Your Favorite Comedy. You know what’s great? Laughing! How can you not laugh watching a man in a wheelchair throw a wrench at people? That will instantly make you feel better.
Crying. I love crying! Like seriously love it! I don’t understand people that say they never cry. It’s good for the soul. Whether you want to cry on the shoulder of your best friend or cry in the shower so no one can see, it doesn’t matter, as long as you do it. Cry your heart it. Your sad and should be sad. Crying is good.
Anger. I fully condone breaking some shit when going through a break-up. Nothing too valuable; you’ll regret it. But there is something very satisfying about throwing something against a wall and watching it break.It’s even better if you can find something that belongs to your significant other to break. (And before anyone cries foul on this one: I’m suggesting you break a mug or something not step on his cat so it’s all good!)
Friends. Family definitely fits under this category cause I don’t know about you but my sisters are two of the best friends I have. When going through a break-up, there can be a sense of feeling unlovable. Why didn’t he want me? Why won’t he fight for me? It’s good to surround ourselves with the people who still love us and care about us. So rent a movie and chill, go for coffee, go out dancing. Whatever you do, just make sure it’s with friends.
Time. It’s like they say, “Time heals all wounds.” And while there are certain losses that we will never be able to get over, a break-up is something we can move past. It’s just going to take time. But trust me, with time, laughs and friends, you will get through it. Eventually you’ll wonder what you saw in him or her in the first place.

Oh You’re Nice? Please Marry Me!

I don’t fully believe this. There are nice people out there but this Chris Rock gif was just too perfect for the article at hand.

I just came across an article today on Elite Daily that really rubbed me the wrong way. The article in question was titled “An Open Letter to the Girl Who Let the Nice Guy Go.” I tried to look at the article objectively. It’s clearly written by someone who regrets a dating decision she’s made. And that I can relate to. Plenty of us, myself included, have that one person that we felt we’ve let get away and regret it. So while I was able to relate to the regret the author was feeling, I was not keen on the tone she was taking.

There was an assumption that if a girl starts dating a guy who is “nice”, that’s it. She does not need to take in any other factors. He’s nice so she is a fool if she lets him go. It’s one of the reasons that Summer is viewed as a bitch in 500 Days of Summer. (Which is a fantastic movie and if you haven’t seen it yet, you need to do so immediately.) Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Tom plays the nice guy who instantly falls head over heels with Zooey Deschanel’s Summer. While Summer enjoys hanging out with Tom, she always feels that there is something missing. She eventually leaves Tom and many viewers questioned what was wrong with Summer. She had a nice guy and she left him go! How could she?

So by this logic, if I come across a guy who is nice to me, am I supposed to drop everything and be with him? Who cares if we don’t have a connection. He holds the door for me and tells me I’m pretty. That’s all us ladies need in a committed relationship.

It’s this way of thinking that reinforces the nice guy and friend zone mentality so many boys seem to have these days. Being nice to someone else does not entitle you to anything. Sex, a relationship, cookies. Not a thing. You choose to do something nice for someone, you want to know the only thing you deserve? A “thank you.” Nothing more, nothing less.

So you were nice to your partner and she left you? Maybe she wasn’t physically attracted to you. (While I will say this is not the most important factor to a relationship, it is crucial.) Maybe she didn’t feel any connection. Maybe she wasn’t ready for a relationship. Maybe she thought you were boring. The list is endless. There are a million reasons that relationships don’t work. If they were easy and not complicated, we’d all be married off by the time we were 19.

Am I Thirty Yet

Hopefully by the time I'm thirty I'll have this all figured out.