Life

It’s the Little Things in Life

Last year, 2015, was one of the most difficult and stressful years of my life.

I had to move in with my dad and share a room with my younger sister. I was working a part-time job that required about 3 hours of travel a day to get to and from. This job barely paid me enough to afford the dollar menu at McDonald’s. And I was also finishing up grad school which included writing a 60-page thesis.

It was really hard for me to focus on anything other than the bad times. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I felt like I was unhappy and stressed out all the time. If someone had asked me about some of the good times from 2015, it would be really hard for me to think of a single instance.

But there were good times. There were a lot of good times.

New Year’s Day of 2015, the first day of my incredibly shitty year, my sisters and I created a happiness jar. We decorated a mason jar. The mason jar would hold all my happiest memories for the year. Any moment or event of 2015 that made us exceptionally happy would be written about on a piece of paper and then placed in the jar. The idea was to read all the happy memories on New Year’s Day of 2016 to remind ourselves of all the good times throughout the year.

Before opening that jar on January 1st, 2016, if anyone had asked me how my 2015 was, I would have responded quickly with, “It was really stressful and not so great.”

However, all those memories I placed in my happiness jar throughout the year told a different story. They didn’t focus on the late nights spent writing papers or the depressed early mornings spent riding on a train to a job that paid next to nothing.

The jar was a nice reminder that 2015 wasn’t nearly as bad as I imagined. I had a lot of great moments in 2015. From my trip to California to random lunches with my sister to celebrating my nephew’s birthday, numerous things brought me incredible joy during the year. I was so busy between jobs and schoolwork that I didn’t have time to think about all the little moments that made life great.

And that’s how life always is. It’s the big moments, whether good or bad, that get all the credit. Getting married, births, deaths, graduations, lay offs, new jobs, etc. These BIG moments are the ones that get all the focus.

However, it’s all the little moments in between that make the big moments so significant.

People often describe their wedding day as one of the greatest days of their lives. And while that might be true, there were so many wonderful random days or moments that let up to that one big day. The first date. First kiss. First time you realized you were in love. The day he came over with soup and your favorite movie cause you were sick.

All those little moments that you don’t give much thought to are what really make life worthwhile. The moments that are easily forgotten when life becomes too busy (AKA when life is life).

When the majority of life is spent waking up, getting ready for work, going to work, coming home, and then getting ready to do it all over again the next day, it’s only natural that the big moments are the ones that stand out. The nights you spent staying up much later than you should have with your favorite people can easily be forgotten. But those moments are the real ones to cherish.

With New Year’s Eve just around the corner (Don’t make a face. It’s already the end of September. 2017 is going to be here before we know it), I challenge you to start your own happiness jar. Or shoebox. Or kitchen drawer. Wherever you want to store those memories. Just do it!

It’ll be a nice reminder of the moments that truly matter. And also remind you that life is a lot more amazing than we give it credit.

Rejection Doesn’t Mean You Failed

Some of you may feel as though the title of this page is incorrect. How could rejection not equate to failure? Well, not to be rude but some of you people are completely wrong.

Rejection does not mean that you failed. Rejection means that you tried. Rejection means that you took a chance. Rejection means that you stepped out of your comfort zone. Rejection means that you went for something that you wanted. Even if you didn’t get it, the rejection doesn’t negate all the risks you took going for it.

Failure is never taking a chance. Failure is living a life of comfort because you’re afraid of trying anything new. Failure is never allowing yourself to love for fear that you may get your heartbroken. Failure is thinking of everything that could go wrong when an opportunity presents itself so you talk yourself out of it.

But most importantly, failure is allowing rejection to cause you to never take another chance again. To stop it from pursuing your goals and what you really want in life. That’s what real failure looks like.

Rejection and failure are what make life worth living. If you go through life never facing rejection and failure then you probably don’t live life to the fullest. Life is all about making the most of it. Taking chances. Living on the edge. Avoiding all that life has to offer because you want the comfortable route or don’t want to fail is no way to live.

Some of the most successful people in the world have faced rejection. Kerry Washington, Emmy-nominated actress of Scandal, was fired from two previous pilots before things clicked. Oprah Winfrey, yes THAT Oprah Winfrey, was fired from her first TV Job as an anchor. Walt Disney himself was fired from a newspaper because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Stephen King’s classic Carrie was rejected by 30 different publishers causing him to almost throw in the towel.

Rejection is a part of life. The thing that turns rejection into failure is how you react to it. Here are a few quotes that remind us all that rejection could potentially be the best thing to ever happen to us.

  1. “I think it’s important to have a good hard failure when you’re young. I learned a lot out of that. Because it makes you kind of aware of what can happen to you. Once you’ve lived through the worst, you’re never quite as vulnerable afterward….You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” – Walt Disney
  2. “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy
  3. “Giving up is the only sure way to fail.” – Gena Showalter
  4. “When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.” – Ellen DeGeneres
  5. “There is no failure except in no longer trying.” – Chris Bradford
  6. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison
  7. “Winners are not afraid of losing. But losers are. Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.” – Robert T. Kiyosaki
  8. “Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or use failure that often leads to greater success. I’ve met people who don’t want to try for fear of failing.” – J.K. Rowling
  9. “I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you’re good at.” – Louis C.K.
  10. “I don’t understand a way to work other than bold-facedly running towards failure.” – Cate Blanchett

I wrote this post with a special person in mind. A person who took a huge chance and while it didn’t work out needs to be reminded that great things are sill to come!

Things I Won’t Be Saying Goodbye to in My Thirties

So I already went over this a bit when I discussed the things I hope I’m never too old for. As I am about to enter a new decade in life, plenty of people would like to tell me all the things I need to give up. Just look here  and here to see some of the asinine things I’m supposed to say goodbye to once I enter my thirties.

Fun. Fun seems to be one of the number one things I need to give up when I’m 30. Well, let me tell you. I refuse. I’m not going to turn into a boring human being once I say goodbye to my twenties. Here’s all the things I won’t be giving up.

  1. Wearing mini skirts. My legs are my best feature and I will be showing them off until that’s no longer the case.
  2. Shopping at Forever 21. I can get leggings that fit nicely for less than five dollars!
  3. Staying up way past my bedtime and drinking more than I should with my friends. Sure the hangovers are a million times worse and it’s not a good look to get wasted every weekend, but I’m not going to give up occasional nights with my friends where we all act like we’re 21 again.
  4. Spending an entire day in my PJs. Sometimes I work 6 days a week. If I want to spend all day Sunday in bed watching TV, I’m going to do just that.
  5. Reading YA novels. Sure I can pretend I’m doing it cause of my job but really it’s because I like the books.
  6. Eating copious amounts of junk food. You can pull the cupcakes and chips from my cold, dead hands.
  7. Playing drinking games (or games in general). This is particularly talking to the ridiculous list that told all thirtysomethings to give up beer pong forever. Bitch please!
  8. Buying furniture from Ikea. I think unless the day comes when I actually buy myself a house, I will be getting all my furnishings from Ikea.
  9. Wearing mismatched underwear. Once. Once in my life can I remember my bra and panties actually matching. (And yes this was a time when I knew someone else would be taking my clothes off at the end of the night.) Matching underwear is the type of life-together nonsense that I will never achieve.
  10. Eating cold pizza and/or lo mein in the morning. I have been blessed with a stomach of steel. I can eat whatever I want in the morning for breakfast. And this will always include leftover pizza and lo mein.

 

Thirty Things I Learned in My Twenties

So it’s February. This is my birthday month! The big 3-0 is exactly 16 days away (not that I’m counting or anything). I am not as stressed out as I thought I’d be. I do get a little twitch every time I realize that I’ll no longer be in my twenties but overall I think I’m handling it pretty well. I’ve even decided to actually celebrate my birthday which I don’t always like doing. I’ll be doing a dinner with a bunch of my friends.

Being almost thirty has mostly made me feel very reflective, which I guess is natural. The next series of posts will probably be a lot of me reminiscing and thinking about things that have occurred in my twenties. Today I want to talk about all the things I’ve learned in my twenties. Sure I’m not done and there are some things I’ll probably never learn. (Like folding a fitted sheet. Does anyone actually know how to do this?!?) But there are a lot of things my twenties have taught me.

  1. Always bring something when you go to someone’s house for dinner. You can never go wrong with a bottle of wine.
  2. Do not max out your credit cards. Splurging on certain things is fine but do not abuse your credit cards. You will regret it.
  3. Thirty is not that old. Don’t spend your twenties stressing over turning the big 3-0.
  4. Bad times will always get better. Humans are pretty resilient. Your twenties will be filled with a lot: rejection, heartbreak, loss of loved ones. But even if it feels like your entire life is in shambles, things will eventually get better.
  5. Your body is at least ten times better looking than you think it is. Odds are that ten years from now you will look back and wish you had the body you do now.
  6. You will never have it all figured out. Life is amazingly confusing. Things can change in an instant. Anyone who claims to have it all figured out is a big fat liar!
  7. You don’t always need to give a reason why you’re no longer talking to someone. This could be friends or someone that you’re dating. Sometimes it’s nice to give people an explanation but if it’s better for your mental health to just walk away, then do it.
  8. Eating a cupcake is not going to kill you. That one cupcake is not the reason for your muffin top. A cupcake everyday and not exercising may be the reason for that muffin top but not just one.
  9. You will never be rich so go to that fancy restaurant or go on that vacation. Don’t completely live outside your means but don’t spend your life waiting until you have enough money to start doing things.
  10. Your love for Nsync will never, ever go away. In fact, it will just get deeper as you get older and your 13-year-old Nsync-loving-self is further and further in the past.
  11. Accept that student loans will be a way of life for at least the next ten years. You have to get over bitching about it eventually because they are never going away.
  12. Store brands can be great but there are some things you don’t want to go generic on. Toilet paper is a big one. Splurge a little. It’s an essential item.
  13. Learning how to cook a few staples is crucial. You don’t need to be the next Gordon Ramsay but you should be able to feed yourself without using Seamless all the time.
  14. You can get the things you want but it’s going to take time and patience. That dream job is not going to just fall into your lap.
  15. Social media is the devil if you’re going to use it as a way to compare how unaccomplished you are in your life. Never compare your real life to someone else’s highlight reel.
  16. You will never comfortably walk in heels but sometimes they are just so worth it.
  17. Being tan is not worth it. You may look better sun-kissed but it’s not worth the risk of skin cancer and wrinkly skin.
  18. Turkey bacon will never be good and there is a special place in hell for people who think it’s better than REAL bacon.
  19. A $10 bottle of wine will do the job just fine.
  20. Staying home Saturday night is glorious! No shame in Netflix and Chilling all by yourself.
  21. There are a lot of people in this world who have a worse life than you. It’s important to recognize just how lucky you are. However, this does not completely negate your problems, no matter how trivial they may seem. You’re allowed to be upset about things in your life even though others have it worse.
  22. Hanging out with girls is not all annoying and drama-filled. If you still believe this myth, you may be the drama Queen, mean girl.
  23. Getting hand-me-downs for your apartment is great. Nothing wrong with asking friends and browsing yard sales for a good deal but always go new with a mattress.
  24. If you don’t want to do something, say no. And you don’t automatically owe the person an explanation why.
  25. Start a savings. Even if you’re only putting away $10 a month. It’s better than nothing and it has to start somewhere.
  26. Your friends are amazing, make time for them. If they are still around by now, they are worth at least a phone call once a week to talk.
  27. Stop getting bangs. You hate them and always think you look bad.
  28. The definition of success is not a universal thing. For some it’s getting married and having babies, for some it’s having an office with an amazing view, for some it’s waking up before 10am. Be happy with the things you have accomplished.
  29. It really doesn’t matter what other people think of you. And spoiler alert: 99.9% of the time they aren’t thinking about you anyway.
  30. Turning 30 is not the end of the world. There is still plenty of time to go back to school, get married, have babies, buy a house, land that dream job. Your twenties are just the beginning.

 

 

 

 

 

Life is Really Hard Guys

Lifes-Tough-Get-a-Helmet-Boy-Meets-World

Last night I watched the documentary Happy Valley (about Joe Paterno, Jerry Sandusky, and Penn State Football) and was reminded how self-centered and ridiculous human beings can be. A student, who’s a huge fan of Penn State Football, was being interviewed. This student was complaining how hard it’s been to be a Penn State fan since the Jerry Sandusky scandal. Now whenever he tells anyone that he’s a fan he has to go through the process of also stating that he feels bad for the victims. So many boys were sexually assaulted but this dude has to defend his fandom. Life is really hard guys.

That example may be a bit extreme when talking about people being self-centered. A less extreme, but just as ridiculous, example was me last night.

Coming home from work I realized that my phone kept turning off, restarting, and then turning off again after about a minute. It kept repeating this process. As soon as I got home I called customer service. We tried some basic troubleshooting but nothing worked. IT informed me that they’d have to reset my phone and I’d lose everything on it. Contacts, photos, everything! After groaning and trying to hold back my tears, I told them I’d call back in an hour. I spent the next hour trying to write down all my contacts. Keep in mind I had to do this while my phone kept turning off every minute. I did all this only to find out I’d need to buy a new phone and would be phone-less for the next three days. This news made me sit back and actually say the words, “This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” No it’s not! Sure I was hungry and tired, but that’s not an excuse. Being phone-less isn’t even in the top ten worst things that could happen to me.

We have become a bunch of complainers, and about the most ridiculous things. Here are just a few things we need to stop bitching about.

“My pizza is too hot to eat even though I told the guy at the counter to not leave it in the oven for too long.” Wah, I have hot food! This is soo difficult. Take several seats and wait the five minutes for the pizza to cool. Or eat it right away despite burning the roof of your mouth like the true fatty I know you are.

“I forgot to bring my phone with me to the bathroom.” Now you have to shit without scrolling through facebook. Oh the horror!

“I was trying to take a screenshot but instead I turned the screen off.” I know it’s really important for you to immediately screenshot this conversation so you and your friend can decipher the real meaning behind that “k” text.

“Ugh, I have to sit through this 6-hour flight to California.” Poor baby, you have to sit through two viewings of Titanic in order to get yourself all the way across the friggen country. Read a book and enjoy your flight!

“I am trying to finish writing out this text but I keep hitting all the green lights.” You are complaining about catching green lights. I am so done with you!

“There’s no more guacamole for them to put on my burrito bowl.” OK, this one is legit. As far as end-of-the-world events go, this one is right up there with global warming. Is there some sort of avocado shortage that I’m not aware of? Get your shit together Chipotle. You should never be out of guacamole!

 

Reasons Why Fall is the Best Season

fall is the best season

I try my hardest not to complain about the summer. I spend the majority of the winter bitching about it being too cold. I feel like I can really only have one season I’m allowed to hate or else it’s just me being miserable 50% of the time. Summer is long and hot but it’s the lesser of two evils when compared to winter. But I’d rather do without summer as well. It’s the ending of August. Fall is right around the corner and it cannot come soon enough.

Fall is the greatest season by far. If you don’t agree with me, then you’re wrong. This is one of those rare cases when opinions are also facts. My girl Wendi, over at This, That and the Other Thang knows what’s up. She recently went over all the ways that fall is infinitely better than summer and I couldn’t agree with her more. Here are 25 of my own reasons why fall is the best of the best.

1. Football season. Football is the best sport to watch and the beginning of fall also coincides with the beginning of football.

2. Baseball playoffs. Football may be the most fun sport to watch but baseball will always have my heart. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is better than a game 7 between two equally matched teams. And not to get all superior Yankee fan on everyone but being a fan of the pinstripes means that I’ve enjoyed plenty of playoff games in my lifetime.

3. I lose weight. There’s this myth that people lose weight in the summer and tend to gain more weight in the cooler months. I’m not buying it. For the past few years, I’ve packed on an extra 5-10 pounds in the summer months. Pounds that I gradually lose during the fall. I blame it on all the bbqs and beer in July and August.

mean girls halloween

4. Halloween. Christmas may be number one on my list of favorite holidays but Halloween is the most fun. What’s better than a holiday that lets you dress up and eat tons of candy?

5. Thanksgiving. Halloween and Thanksgiving are tied for second on my list of favorite holidays. I really, really love Thanksgiving. Between the parade and tons and tons of food, Thanksgiving is the best!

6. The cooler weather. I want a dollar every time I use the word crisp when describing the weather in fall. I’d have a whole lot of dollars. Fall is a great season to be outside and enjoy the crisp weather. *places a dollar in the crisp weather jar*

Fall leaves

7. All the pretty colors. Oh man is fall beautiful. Like, really, really beautiful. I prefer my leaves to be more than just different shades of green.

8. Boots, sweaters, and leggings. That is my go-to uniform throughout fall. It’s comfy and adorable. And it conceals those extra pounds before I fully lose them.

9. Apple and pumpkin picking. This activity is not just for kiddies. Going to a local farm for some apple and pumpkin picking is a great fall activity, and when you get home you can bake a fresh apple pie and carve some pumpkins.

10. Staying inside without feeling guilty. If I spend all day or all night inside during the summer, I feel a little guilty. Don’t get me wrong, I still do it. But there is a sense of guilt that I should be outside enjoying the warm weather. Fall is made for staying indoors with a hot beverage and your favorite book or movie.

11. The start of winter aka the only time it’s tolerable. Winter technically starts on December 22nd but we all know that the cold, winter weather starts way before that date. But when winter weather seeps into fall, it’s not a bad thing. We’re not at that point where we’re sick of snow and digging our cars out. The first snow fall usually happens in November (October if winter wants to be a real bitch) and it’s still exciting and fun to see snow at this stage.

12. Haunted houses and other Halloween-related festivities. I love getting scared. I’ll gladly pay $40 to have someone jump out of the bushes and scare me to death. Haunted houses, haunted corn mazes, haunted hay rides. You add the word haunted in front and I’m down.

13. Scary movies. Scary movies are my favorite genre. I will watch them no matter the season but curling up under a blanket during the fall while watching a scary movie is oh so satisfying.

14. Bugs go back to their rightful place in this world. And that place is hell! It’s no secret that bugs are my biggest enemy and that I hate them with a passion. They come out swinging when the weather gets warmer and it’s one of the main reasons I can’t be fully down with summer. But during the fall they make their descent back down to the fiery pits of hell where they belong.

15. Comfort food. Give me stews, pies, casseroles, pot roasts! Give me it all! Fall is made for comfort food.

16. No shaving. No more summer dresses, bikinis, or shorts means that I can let my legs get as hairy as I want. It’s a beautiful thing.

dark fall nail polish color

17. Dark toenails, fingernails, and hair. My default color for my nails in the summer is pink. But dark reds, browns, and even black are so much cooler. It makes me, the least hardcore person you will ever meet, feel a bit edgy.

18. You can actually chill outside. When summer really kicks in, you cannot just chill outside unless you are by water. When winter really kicks in, you cannot chill outside period. The only time I spend outside in the winter is the walk to my car, and even that makes me want to cry. But fall, fall is amazing. Throw on a big sweater or a light jacket and you can sit outside all day!

19. Bonfires and s’mores. You know what helps warm you up if the fall weather gets a little too crisp (another dollar for me)? A warm fire. Add some chocolate and marshmallows to that fire and it’s a party!

20. Back-to-school sales. Even if you’re not going back to school in the fall, you can still take advantage of back-to-school sales. It’s the perfect time to stock up on all the extra highlighters you need in your life.

21. It smells great outside. This is one that I can’t even fully describe. Fall just has this certain smell to it that’s amazing. I wish I could bottle it up and wear it all year round. With less sweaty bodies and hot garbage outside, the air just smells cleaner.

22. Scarves and hats are great ways to accessorize. Fall clothing really is the greatest. Throwing on a colorful scarf or hat before you walk out the door can turn a mundane outfit fashionable.

dog playing in leaves

23. Crunchy leaves. That dog is having so much fun and I want to play right along with him. Whether you’re eight or eighty (or a dog), nothing is more satisfying than playing in crunchy, colorful leaves.

24. An extra hour of sleep. Sure it is a little depressing the first time you step out of work and the sun has already set, but that extra hour of sleep you gain during daylight saving time almost makes up for it.

25. The best of the holiday season. Technically the holidays are in the winter, but the holiday season occurs during fall. The majority of “the most wonderful time of the year” happens before winter ever really begins.

When the Motivational Posters Stop Working

girls marnie - being inside my own head is exhaustingIf we see someone stressing out over something completely trivial, the first response is to tell them to relax and not worry so much. If we see someone unhappy and complaining about something that doesn’t seem like a big deal, the first response is to remind them how much worse things could be. They should be happy about all the good things in their lives.

We are constantly bombarded with “inspirational quotes” telling us that we are in charge of our own happiness. That if we cannot see the beauty in the world and appreciate the fact that we get to start a brand new day each morning, then there is something wrong with us. Just waking up and breathing is enough to be happy and carefree. By stating that happy people are choosing to live that way, it’s basically stating that unhappy people are making a conscious decision to be depressed or stressed about life.

What people fail to realize is that for some of us, it’s impossible to be completely happy. We want nothing more than to see the beauty in the life we are given and not stress about insignificant problems. Unfortunately, our minds will not allow it.

I suffer from mild anxiety. I refer to it as mild because it doesn’t affect my life on a daily basis and I have (thankfully!) never suffered from a full blown panic attack. But it is still a problem that I have had to deal with for years now.

Sometimes my anxiety will pop up in almost comical ways that my sister never fails to tease me about. Several times in the past I have had to call home to have someone reassure me that I have in fact unplugged the straightener. It’s gotten so bad where on days I straighten my hair, I will text myself stating that I did unplug the straightener. I have to include a picture of the unplugged straightener because a text is not enough proof, I need hard evidence that I will not be coming home to a burnt house after work.

In October 2013, right after my grandmother passed away, I convinced myself that I had HIV. This was a less comical side of my anxiety that I did not reveal to many people. Despite the fact that it had been over a year since my last sexual partner (and we always used condoms), my mind latched onto the idea that I was infected and it wouldn’t let go. For weeks leading up to my test, I had a pit in my stomach that would not go away. When the results came back negative (like a deep part of me knew they would), my mind relaxed for a bit before it found something new to obsess over and analyze to death.

The worst part of anxiety is that there is a part of me that realizes how ridiculous I am being. I don’t want to spend my life stressing about things that are probably never going to actually happen. I don’t enjoy not being able to sleep at night due to shortness of breathe. I don’t like having a normal day and then all of sudden my heart start pounding and being overcome with a feeling of anxiousness for no real reason.

When I see quotes and people making it seem as though a happy, stress-free life is easily unattainable, it makes me feel as though there is something wrong with me. And not the “I may actually be suffering from a mental illness” wrong but the “I’m just a miserable human being who can’t appreciate what she has” wrong. We may have become a lot more accepting about mental illness but there is this underlying tone that people with depression or anxiety could just get over it if they really wanted to.

Even I feel like this sometimes. I grew up with a mother who suffered from depression and bipolar disorder. I myself have issues with anxiety and a brain whose thoughts I sometimes have no control over. Yet, I still sometimes think, “This is your body, your mind. You are the one allowing sadness and anxiousness to control you.”

But just how when I’m panicking over something that I know deep down is never going to actually happen, I also know that deep down my anxiety is something I will never fully be able to get rid of. There will never come a day I won’t be filled with dread anytime someone says they want to ask me a question or talk to me about something. I’ll never not think a friend or family member is kidnapped or dead if they don’t respond to my texts within a reasonable time. And I know I’m always going to live with the fact that every once in a while my heart will start racing and I will be short of breathe for no apparent reason.

So all those inspirational quotes and motivational posters are wrong, but they do have some truth to them. Sometimes we can’t just choose to be happy. Sometimes simply choosing not to stress isn’t an option. However, the only thing I can hope to do is control my anxiety. It’s always going to be there but I can work on ways to manage it. And I’m slowly working on ways to lessen my anxiety that don’t include wine and Klonopin (even though both are great options when things get too bad, as long as they aren’t abused).

Focusing on my breathing when I feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest helps. Deep breathing is key to slowing down my heart rate. When I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack, going for a ride can ease the anxiousness. I think it has something to with my mind having a task to focus on instead of worrying.

The number one thing I’ve learned that helps with my anxiety (and maybe it can help any of you who also suffer with anxiety) is to try and pinpoint what it is that’s making me so anxious. Sure, sometimes I feel a panic attack coming on and it seems like it’s out of nowhere. But trying to focus on what’s making me anxious and what’s brought on the feeling of dread, helps to make me feel like I have a little bit of control over something that normally feels utterly uncontrollable.

I Am Personally Offended by This Thing That Has Nothing to Do With Me

Offense TakenFull Disclosure: Not everyone may agree with today’s post because it seems we live in a world where the PC thing to do is to get offended by anything possible.

I don’t agree with people when they look back at the 50’s and call it the “good ole’ days.” I’m so happy to be growing up in a time when people are not only encouraged to be themselves but celebrated for it. Sure, discrimination is still alive. Just look at the comments section of any article ever written on the internet and you’ll see that hate still prevails. You can’t erase ignorance and stupidity overnight. However, we have made so much progress. And I have a lot of faith in future generations to continue to become more and more accepting.

Unfortunately, some people have taken this way too far. I find myself on a daily basis reading an article and thinking, “Really? Who cares? Are we really getting this worked up over something so trivial?” Usually this happens when I read something on Buzzfeed, who likes to pull a few tweets from angry complainers and act like the whole world is outraged.

The cool thing at the moment is to be offended. If you’re not offended, then you’re an ignorant, privileged, asshole who is clearly out of touch with reality. But why wouldn’t you get offended these days? It’ll allow you to get your fifteen minutes of fame and you may even get a gift card out of it.

The latest story that has made me question if I’m genuinely missing something is the one about the girl in the Old Navy t-shirt. I’m sure by now you’ve heard about it, but if not, here it is.

As soon as I read the story, it struck me as someone making a mountain out of a molehill. A mother and a daughter made a statement about a tank top and this woman decides that she’s personally been victimized. So now we have to monitor the comments we make about clothing when we’re shopping because we may be viewed as insensitive? I feel bad for the woman in this story but not because of the comments made by the mother and daughter. I feel bad for her well-being if comments said by strangers about an article of clothing are going to send her over the edge.

If a tank top is big and someone calls it big, how is that offensive? I wonder how this story would have been perceived if it was about someone making comments about a size-small article of clothing. “This looks like it should be in Babies R Us.” “This wouldn’t go past my ankle.” Comments like these are made every day. People are allowed to make general observations about clothes while shopping.

I was once shopping at Forever 21 and overheard these girls make the following statement about leggings, “These are for those skinny bitches with no ass.” Well this skinny bitch with no ass was looking through those leggings so I can buy a pair. If I had known better, I should have taken a picture of myself in those leggings and posted a thesis about how I was personally victimized by the comments made by random strangers; comments that were not directed towards me but towards clothing. I probably could have gotten myself a lot more traffic to this blog and maybe a $50 gift card.

This woman being happy  and confident in her tank top is awesome. Women are bombarded with enough Photoshopped bodies that feeling comfortable in your own skin is an amazing thing. I applaud her for that. However, she could have done so without trying to bring down a mother and daughter who probably weren’t even aware of her presence in the store. I’ve seen comments calling the mother a horrible parent. Again, I have to ask, how does calling a big shirt big make someone a horrible mother? If I ever have a child, I’ll be sure to have them refrain from making comments about inanimate objects so I don’t accidentally offend someone.

You Should Definitely Hire Me

Glee Im awesome I have a job interview tomorrow. For a full time position at a library. This is a big deal. I am still in school working to get my MLS degree. Full time positions in libraries for people who don’t have the degree yet are almost impossible to find. So naturally, I am super nervous. Please send good vibes my way! I’m going to need them.

Job interviews are the worst. I always wonder if the people doing the interviewing are as miserable as the people being interviewed. It can’t be enjoyable for them either. And I also wonder if they realize that so much of what’s being thrown at them is bullshit. You’re not getting the true me during an interview. I’m way too nervous and eager to please to relax  and show you what a totally awesome employee I can be. And I am an awesome employee. Ask anyone I’ve worked with. (Except the people at the Applebee’s where I worked for two weeks before quitting an hour before my shift over the phone. Those people probably hate my guts.)

I wouldn’t outright lie on an interview. (I’m way to scared to do that. All those CSI shows have made people really good at finding out the truth.) But when you ask me why I want the job, I’m not going to tell you the number one reason: I’m poor and can’t afford not to work. Interviews are basically just a game. Can I figure out what the interviewer wants to hear and say it coherently? And the interviewer needs to be able to see through the bullshit and decide what’s actually relevant to the job being offered.

Here’s how a real interview would go if I were being honest with the questions being asked:

Why are you leaving your current position? “Well here’s the thing, I’m not 100% sure if I’m leaving my current position yet. That depends on whether or not you are willing to pay me more than they do. If you are, then I’m leaving my current position cause my employers are cheap. If you aren’t willing to pay me more, then I’m not leaving my current position because you’re cheap.

Why do you want to work for us? “I have spent the past week sending out 100 resumes a day. Out of those 500 resumes sent, three people contacted me back and you are the only ones who invited me in for an interview. Beggars can’t be choosy so I’ll work for anyone who’s willing to hire me.”

What’s your greatest weakness? “The first time I got drunk I was 16. It was at a friend’s house party. My friend Pamela and I bought a bottle of Georgi vodka to drink. Yea I’m talking about the vodka of choice for homeless people that you see advertisements for on the back of buses. So my friend and I buy this bottle, bring it to our friend’s house, and proceed to finish the entire thing. When I was in high school, I was lucky I weighed 100 pounds and I decided to spend my first real drinking experience on a half bottle of cheap vodka. As you can imagine, it did not end well. I remember leaving the kitchen while jumping on my friend’s back. The next minute, it was morning and I was lying on the floor, in pajamas, with throw up in my hair. I do not remember anything from that night. March of this year, I went to a wedding. It was on a Sunday so I drove my car to the wedding because I had orientation for a job early the next morning in the city and I didn’t want to get home late. I was all set to be extremely responsible. Well the reception started and all my friends were taking shots and I felt left out. The night ended with my friend driving my car and me puking at least three times in his bathroom. Naturally, I didn’t make it to the orientation the next morning. So what I’m trying to say is that my greatest weakness would be that after 13 years of drinking regularly I still do not have a full grasp on my limit. But I have recognized that vodka is just not for me and that I really shouldn’t mix drinks, so I’m learning.”

How well do you handle pressure and stressful situations? “I deal. I may have a few panic attacks along the way but if you provide me with some wine, and possibly some Klonopins, I should be OK.”

Where do you see yourself in five years? “Oh my God! Why would you ask that? I just told you I have panic attacks! Now I’m slowly doing math in my head and, hold on give me a second…in five years…I’ll be…34! Thanks for reminding me of that! Is the AC on in here? It’s really hot in here, no? Oh boy, five years. 34-years-old. I hope I’m married, or at least in a long-term committed relationship. Dear God, please don’t let that relationship be with a cat. Oh God, definitely not a cat. If it HAS to be a non-human companion, at least be a dog. Um, wow! Five years from now. I don’t know man. I like to live in the moment. Yea! That’s it. I’m a care free individual who lives in the moment and doesn’t worry about the future. I like to focus on the task at hand. How could I get any important deadlines finished if I’m worrying about the next five years? So, um, great question. What’s the next one?”

What is your desired salary? “You’re seriously asking me that? You do realize that’s a ridiculous question that all HR people should throw away forever, right? You’re not fooling me. I know you know how much you’re going to pay me. Now it’s just my job to state an amount that’s within that range. If I go too low, you’re either going to think I don’t value myself enough or you’re gonna pay me that instead of the original higher amount. If I go too high, you’re going to think I’m insane for actually thinking I’m worth that much and immediately tell me to get out of your office. But since you’re asking, my desired salary is one million dollars. Go big or go home!”

Do you have any questions for us? “Actually I do. How much does this job pay and how many vacation days do I get?”

Note to anyone who wants to complain about lazy, ungrateful young workers these days and/or future employers: This entire post is completely ridiculous, and terribly over-exaggerated. I am actually an extremely dedicated worker, with perfect written and oral communication skills, looking for a company where I can truly grow. 

Thoughts of a Perpetually Single Girl

i'm so singleI’m the single friend. I’m always the single friend. Relationships and I go together like peanut butter and tuna fish.

Now the Internet would have you believe that single people can only be one of two things: Either I am strutting in my 6-inch heels shouting to the world that “I’m an independent woman and I don’t need no man” or I am lying in bed, downing my fifth glass of wine, and crying while yet another friend is getting engaged, all while shouting to the world that “I’m forever alone.”

Here’s the thing: being the perpetually single girl means I do a little bit of both. It’s the best of times. It’s the worst of times. Sometimes it’s really fucking awesome and sometimes it really fucking sucks. See, it’s not so different than what it’s like to be in a relationship.

1. “There has to be something wrong with me.” This thought will pop into your head at some point. You just can’t seem to find someone that you genuinely like and would want to commit to. Everyone else seems to fall into relationships so easily so clearly the problem must lie with you.

2. Whenever someone comes to you to complain about their relationship (and they always seem to come to you like you’re clearly the expert), you feel much better about your single status. Relationships can be great but they can also be really stressful. Hearing someone complain about the latest drama in their relationship will make you incredibly grateful that you don’t have to deal with any of that.

3. You’ll want to smack the people who ask, “Why are you still single?” Everything about that question is obnoxious and it needs to be wiped out of existence immediately.

4. When you go out, there’s always that possibility of meeting someone. We all know they say things come when we’re not looking for them or when we least expect them. However, when you’re perpetually single, it’s always in the back of your mind that you can meet someone when out. And this is a good thing. The possibility of meeting someone new is exciting.

5. You will cherish your single friends, especially when you start getting older. Making a new friend in your late twenties and finding out that she’s single as well is basically the equivalent to finding out your kindergarten classmate’s favorite color is also blue. Instant best friends!

6. While you’re incredibly happy for them, a part of you will get sad when one of your single friends gets into a relationship. “Why did you go over to the dark side?”

7. Realizing that you could go on vacation tomorrow or move cross country without having to take anyone else into consideration except yourself is an amazing feeling.

8. You will become incredibly comfortable being single. Sometimes you’ll fear that you might be getting a little too comfortable. “I have to share this luxurious bed with another human being for the rest of my life? What if they’re not cool with Oreos in bed? That’s no way to live!”

9. Going to weddings will suck. Even if you are doing fine with your singleness, it will be a reminder of just how single you really are. Getting invited with a plus one is always a dilemma. “Do I scramble to see if I can get a date to come with me or do I just suck it up and go alone?”

10. Seeing a razor in the winter will make you pause and think, “What the hell is that?” My legs resemble Chewbacca in the winter because no one is seeing them but me.

11. Meeting someone new who *GASP* you actually like is incredibly scary. You’ll make yourself crazy thinking of all the ways you are going to mess it up because your track record has shown that this cannot end well.

12. But deep down you know that no matter how things turn out with the new guy, you’ll be OK. You’ve figured out long ago that you’re OK being alone and don’t need to be in a relationship.