School

Things to Do When You Have a Paper Due

I don't procrastinate, I just do things later

I wasn’t lying when I said you should be expecting this article. I always keep my promises. Unless those promises are made to myself. Since 2009 I’ve been trying to give up diet soda and junk food. I am guzzling a diet Pepsi and eating chocolate chip cookies while I write this post in 2014. I also made a promise to myself that when I started school again I would be on top of my shit. I would do all the readings. I wouldn’t wait until the night before to do an assignment. That promise ended the second I read through the syllabus of each class and saw all the readings/work I had ahead of me. I laughed and laughed and then went to sleep instead of reading, immediately breaking my promise.

I have convinced myself that I work better under pressure. I can’t possibly do an assignment weeks before it’s due. It wouldn’t be right. I wouldn’t be giving the teacher my best work. I fully recognize that this is probably all bullshit and I would be preventing myself a lot of stress if I did work in a timely fashion, but I just can’t do it. It’s how I survived and graduated undergrad and it will be how I survive and graduate from grad school.

When I have a paper due, I tend to find a million and one other things to do instead of actually working on the paper. And it’s always the most ridiculous stuff. I legit have an excel sheet of every movie I’ve ever seen that I worked on when I had a paper due once. (Random Note: That excel sheet made me realize just how many ridiculous/cheesy movies I’ve watched in my life.) So if you have a paper due here a few things that just NEED to be done and then you can buckle down and start writing.

1. Stare at this gif until you fall asleep.
Tom Hiddleston
Actually, let this entire page lull you to sleep. When you wake up you’ll be refreshed and ready to write that paper. That’s it! You just need a little Tom Hiddleston and sleep.

2. Color coordinate your entire wardrobe.
Clueless Closet Gif
What the hell is a red dress doing with a green top? It’s absurd and needs to be fixed immediately.

3. Alphabetize every single book and DVD you own.
Belle Book Shelving
Who can concentrate on a paper when Mean Girls is shelved BEFORE Home Alone?

4. Watch an entire TV show on Netflix.

Oh, Paul Rudd. You know so little.

Oh, Paul Rudd. You know so little.

Actually watch several TV shows on Netflix. From Gilmore Girls to Breaking Bad, there are too many great shows on Netflix to spend time doing a paper.

5. Drink some a lot of wine.
drinking wine
That’s exactly what your paper needs. The clarity that comes with a little a lot of alcohol.

6. Eat some food.
Elf Eating Junk Food
Your body needs nourishment so it can work. Preferably nourishment in the greasy/unhealthy department.

7. Exercise. HAHA, just kidding. Go to sleep.
ariel sleeping gif
Sure, you just slept after staring at Tom Hiddleston, but one can never sleep enough. Besides, the food and wine has made you tired.

8. Clean your apartment.
mrs. doubtfire cleaning gif
This is the one time when cleaning will actually seem favorable to your other options.

9. Rearrange your furniture.

Friends Pivot gif

Let’s hope your rearranging experience doesn’t involve someone shouting PIVOT!

You probably noticed after cleaning your entire place that the couch would look a lot better up against the wall. Better fix that now or you’ll never be able to concentrate on that paper.

10. Get lost on the internet.
Big Bang Theory I need Help
You started off with the best of intentions. You went on the computer real fast just to check your Facebook. Maybe you were even planning to do some research for your paper. But one way or another you lost your way. Now you are stuck in that portal of hell known as “YouTube Related Videos.”

Now that you’ve successfully gone through all the internet has to offer and your apartment is organized from top to bottom, you’re ready to write that paper. It’s a good thing you got so much sleep cause you’ll have to pull an all-nighter  to get it done in time. It’s OK. Just keep telling yourself this is the only way you can do your best work.

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Returning to School After a Long Break

So despite all my bitching about school and student loans, I’ve returned to school this fall. I’m getting my master’s in Library and Information Science. It’s still not something that’s going to make me a ton of money but it’s something I’m going to enjoy doing. And in the end, I’ve decided that’s a lot more important.

I have not been in school since the fall of 2009. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to sit in a classroom and deal with homework. It’s been quite an adjustment. Here are just a few of the things I’ve had to deal with.

Seeing all the undergrads walking around campus.
new girl - there are youth everywhere
OK, I get these kids are young. But I’m only 28, they can’t be THAT much younger than me. Why do so many of them look like they could be in middle school? And don’t get me started on some of the underclassmen that gave me a cougar-like reaction.

Realizing that the price of textbooks hasn’t gone down a penny.
uncle jesse - full house - why am i not surprised
I’m taking four classes and each class requires two textbooks. There goes an entire month’s paycheck on books. No it’s cool, I didn’t need to eat or anything this month.

Giving up on eating solid meals. 
parks and recs - avoid salad
I don’t have a healthy diet on a regular schedule. Add 30-35 hours of work and four grad school classes and it’s chocolate and ice cream and whatever else I can easily stuff down my throat for the rest of the semester. I have lost 4 four pounds since class started so take that all you diet gurus!

Finding out that teachers still make you do oral presentations. 
friends - phoebe - stop tormenting me
My anxiety can’t handle this! Forcing a student to do a presentation in front of the whole class should be illegal. I am already having a panic attack over a presentation I need to do in December. Does anyone know where I can get my hands on some Klonopin? I’m gonna need it.

Getting your total bill for the semester.
It's always sunny - cash from my money tree
So my school makes you fill out the FAFSA form for financial aid. I fill it out and then call a week later to find out when it would be processed and when I could find out if I’ll get anything. I’m swiftly told that as a grad student I’m not eligible for any financial aid. It gets better. I am approved for student loans! Yay! But as a grad student the gov’t will not take care of any of the interest like they did while I was an undergrad. All that’s my responsibility. Lovely!

 Looking at the assignments on the class syllabus. 
pretty little liars - i want to enjoy my life again
Oh no, that’s cool. I actually wanted to live in the library from now until December. Thanks for making that dream a reality!

Realizing that you’ve voluntarily signed yourself up for two more years of schooling. 
britney spears - what the hell was i thinking
Oh God, what have I done?

Remembering that in the end it will all be worth it. 
Harry potter - you're gonna suffer but be happy