Advice

Things I’d Like to Do in Theory Only

In my head, I am a wonderful person. I have all these grand ideas on what type of person I’d like to be. This imaginative idea of myself is always cheerful, is put-together, exercises, and never leaves things on her to-do list left undone.

I attempt to live up to these standards but nine out of ten times I fail. I don’t go to sleep early enough at night. I don’t eat healthy enough. Some mornings I don’t even have enough time to brush my hair before walking out the door.

This ideal Liz also stays up-to-date with this blog. She regularly posts new articles. When she thinks of something new to write about, she immediately gets to her laptop and starts typing away. She doesn’t have dozens of unfinished drafts.

Unfortunately, you guys are stuck with the real Liz and I am sorry about that. The real Liz has the best intentions. She just falls short. I always say I want to write in here at least once a week but life seems to get in the way. If I’m not too busy to post, then I’m too tired to post.

I am going to try my hardest to keep up with this blog from now on. There is so much I want to write about. I just need to find the time to write.

I realize now that I will fail. There will be weeks and even months where I push off writing here. Just know that this blog is not the only thing real life Liz puts off and doesn’t follow through with. There’s a long list of things. In my head, I’m a great person. In reality, not so much.

In an ideal world, I’d be the type of person who…

Goes shopping on Sunday and prepares food for the week. Who never lets food go to waste and winds up buying lunch the whole week.

Wakes up early enough every morning to leave the house with my hair done and makeup on.

Keeps up-to-date with current events and always knows about the latest news or scandal.

Makes time to fit at least 30 minutes of exercise in my routine daily.

Doesn’t eat brownies and ice cream for dinner.

Is able to always have time for work, family, friends, my bf, and myself.

Actually donates their time to a worthwhile cause and not just think about it.

Doesn’t just pin a million recipes but actually cooks them.

Always has a tidy apartment. Clothes are always put away, dishes are never left in the sink.

Doesn’t just talk/think about all the things they want to do or the type of person they want to be. I would just do.

I really gotta start working harder to live up to the standards of fictional Liz.

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Dating Advice From Someone Who Is Horrible at It

As you all know, I’m not so great at this whole dating thing. Never have been, probably never will be. I don’t see myself becoming the next host of the Millionaire Matchmaker anytime soon. (Actually, considering that the host of a friggen matchmaking show is single maybe I could!) I spent a large portion of my 20’s dating and making a lot of mistakes. But along the way I learned a lot. I’ve always been better at giving other people advice but not being able to give myself the same advice.

As it always seems to go, a lot of my friends have come to me for relationship/dating advice. I never understood it really. It’s like asking the vegan what’s the best way to grill a steak. But I liked it. Hearing others’ experiences in dating and giving my own perspective, has also helped me learn a lot about my own dating life.

So I have decided to bestow some of my words of wisdom to you, my loyal readers. Please keep in mind that I do not claim to be an expert at dating. (I admit to being horrible at it right in the title.) But these are just some of the things I’ve learned along the way dating and hearing about the adventures in my friends’ dating life. Also, all of this stuff is coming from my personal experiences. I am not excluding people on purpose but I feel as though I can only give proper dating advice to girls dating boys. It’s all I know.

Sex is and isn’t a big deal. When you’re first dating someone, a lot of emphasis is put on sex. Just do a quick Google search of the phrase “when should I sleep with the guy I’m dating?” You’ll get a million hits. And every single article will have a different time frame. As confusing as this may sound, my thoughts on sex when it comes to dating is that it’s a big deal but in the same sense, it isn’t. When you’re dating someone new, sex is just another part of getting to know them. You should never be using sex as a way to get something that you want in a relationship, i.e. him making things official. But sex also does change the dynamics of a relationship. If you’re already liking someone, the feelings may very well get deeper after you have sex. You need to be prepared for that. In the end, no one can tell you when you should sleep with someone except for you. Just do it when you feel comfortable, and ONLY when you’re comfortable.

Do not get trashed on a first date. This is coming from someone who loves her alcohol. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. However, getting drunk on a first date is never a good look. And this goes for both guys and girls. Have a drink or two to settle your nerves but keep the sloppy drunkenness for at least the third date.

If there’s nothing there, you can’t force it. This past year I implemented a two-dates and then I’m done rule for myself. I do believe that you can sometimes be unsure about a person after a first date. You feel like there may be something but you’re not sure. There’s nothing wrong with going on that second date to find out. However, if after that second date you’re still not sure, it’s best to just end things. You cannot force feelings. If they’re not there, they’re not there. Forcing it is unfair to the person you’re dating and to yourself.

Don’t string someone along cause you’re bored and/or lonely. This is just wrong on so many levels but I feel as though we’ve all been guilty of doing this at least once. Even if we lied to ourselves and claimed we really liked the person. No, you just like the attention they’re giving you. I’ll go back to my previous point: if you’re still not feeling it after the second date, cut ties.

Go into your own wallet every once in awhile. This may be an unpopular opinion and you all may not agree with me but I’m going to say it anyway. I think the guy should pay on the first date. Even if the girl does the whole “would you like some money?,” it’s just to be polite. She doesn’t actually want you take her money. Now with that being said, your man shouldn’t be paying for every single thing, every single time. If you’re both working, there is no excuse for you not to dip into your wallet even once the entire time you’re dating.

There’s nothing wrong with meeting a potential spouse online. I have this friend who is obsessed with the perfect love story. She wants some epic tale of how her and her husband met that she can one day tell her grandkids. It’s a great idea but usually doesn’t work that way. Do you really think you’re going to fall in the middle of the street and right before a taxi runs you over, a Ryan Gosling look-a-like is going to scoop you up in his arms and save your life? Sorry, this isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie. More and more people are meeting their significant others online and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The majority of single people these days probably have at least one dating profile, most have more than one.

Rejection is just a part of dating. I am going to be blunt here: not everyone is going to like you. Have you liked every person you’ve ever come across? Have you ever come across a guy who seemed really cool and even thought he was cute but felt absolutely nothing for him romantically? These things happen. And they are going to happen to you. You shouldn’t take it personally. Just move on because there is a guy out there that will realize just how amazing you are.

Having standards is one thing but being too picky is not good. Keep your standards. Don’t settle for a dud just because you’re scared you’re going to wake up one day at the age of 50, alone, with a dozen cats. There are some things that you shouldn’t compromise with in a relationship. However, there is a such thing as being too picky. The guy you’re dating isn’t perfect and neither are you. Don’t drop him the second you discover something you don’t like about him.

The “What are we” talk isn’t all that important. You’ve been dating a guy for a little while now and things have been going great. He texts you and makes time to hang out with you when he’s not working. It’s obvious that he’s into you. The only thing that hasn’t happened yet is the “Where is this going” chat. That’s fine. There’s no need to bring that up when it’s early in a relationship if it’s pretty obvious where you stand.

But if you’re feeling unsure/uncomfortable about something, speak up. If you find yourself constantly questioning where you stand with a guy or feel that things have suddenly changed, then speak up. You have the right to know if you guys are on the same page or if you’re wasting your time. A conversation like this can be scary and you may not always get the response you’d like but it’s always better to bring it up sooner rather than later.

10 Lessons for People in their Late Twenties

keep your chin up, there will be happiness again

I’ve been thinking a lot about myself and a bunch of other people I’ve come across in their late twenties. I feel as though we are always looking for someone to reassure us and let us know that everything is going to be OK. Even if you may have everything all together on the surface, your twenties are a really confusing time. There is so much going on and you never feel as though you have it all figured out.

Here’s some advice I’d to give to everyone in their late twenties who sees thirty slowly creeping up and still hasn’t really gotten it all figured out.

Make time for your friends. Once you’re done with school, making friends is really hard. You hear this all the time but don’t realize just how true it is until you’re done. So cherish the friends that you do have. Sure life is crazy and hectic but make time for them. Even if it’s just meeting up once a month for coffee.

Celebrate your birthday. Birthdays can be rough as you get older. They are no longer the week-long extravaganza they once were. As you start getting closer and closer to thirty, you may think about skipping birthdays altogether. Don’t! Birthdays are still a cause for celebration. You made it through another year alive! That’s reason to celebrate. Everyone deserves to be sung “Happy Birthday” to and a huge piece of cake on their birthday.

Don’t let your age prevent you from making a decision. I feel as though I’ve started to do a lot more math now that I’m in my late twenties. “So if I start grad school now at this age and it takes me two years to graduate, I’ll be this age when I’m done.” You have to remember that you’re never too old to do something or start something new. Never went to college and feel as though you’re too old now? Please! When I was getting my bachelor’s, there were people in their fifties in my class. Scared to break up with your significant other because then you’ll have to start the whole dating process over again and (GASP!) may not get married until you’re in your thirties? That’s a horrible reason to stay in a relationship. Take a chance. No matter what it is you want to do. Trust me, 50-year-old you will be happy that 28-year-old you took a chance when you did.

Get a hobby or interest. And no, this isn’t so you have something to say when a date asks what you like to do for fun. Do this for yourself. When you spend a lot of time at work, life can get pretty monotonous. Find something that you love to do and go with it! Even if you only get to do it during the weekends, it will still be rewarding to do something because you want to and not because you have to.

Exercise. I don’t enjoy exercising. No body does. If you enjoy exercising, I already don’t like you and want to throw a cake at your face. But I do realize that exercising is a necessary evil. Kind of like going to the dentist. We don’t enjoy it but we know we must endure it so things will stay put. You’re only in your late twenties but you have already noticed a few things slowing down. “I could have sworn it only used to take me five minutes to walk to this store.” Age be damned! You’re only as young as you feel. But if you spend every waking moment sitting and staring at a screen, you’re going to start to feel like a geriatric before long. I’m not telling you to turn into Arnold Schwarzenegger, but take the stairs instead of the elevator. Your body will thank you.

You’re not a loser for staying home on a Friday or Saturday night. Who made this rule that the weekends are made for turning it up? (I hate myself a little for using that term.) Sorry, I’m not buying it. Sure I enjoy going out with my friends but staying home with Netflix and a book is just as enjoyable. Sometimes it’s even more fun. Secretly, when you were younger, I bet you enjoyed staying home just as much but you also had this irrational fear of missing out on something so you went out anyway. Screw that! I worked all week. If I have no plans set for Friday or Saturday, I am curling up in my bed and catching up on some much needed rest.

Eat the cupcake. So I know I just encouraged you to exercise and I still stand by that. I also think that eating vegetables and fruit is important. They actually can be really delicious and they’re super healthy. However, a diet consisting solely of green items is no way to live your life. You can’t be happy. Those people who claim they haven’t eaten a french fry in five years make me want to cry. Like who chooses to live like that? Eating a cupcake or two or three everyone once in awhile is not going to kill you.

Stop comparing yourself to other people. Ah Facebook, you little bastard. If you’re a mom sitting at home with a screaming infant and see pictures of friends enjoying a night out, you may start longing for a time when the highlight of your day wasn’t when a tiny human burped. If you’re a single gal sitting at home on a Friday night and see yet another friend change their relationship status to engaged, you may be temped to grab a pint of ice cream and cry how you’ll be forever alone. We have to stop comparing our lives to where other people our age are right now. Or even worse, where the people who are younger than us are! Everyone takes a different path in life. And you are really doing it all wrong if you’re comparing yourself to another person’s life based solely on their social media. Don’t you know that’s just the highlight reel? No matter how perfect or put together a person may seem, we are all struggling with something. Worry about your own life and what you want to do with it. Don’t use someone else as a benchmark.

Forget about where you thought you’d be at this age. When I was eight-years-old, I thought I’d get engaged at 24, married at 26, and have my first child at 28. When I was eight, I also wrote a report on New York State and wrote that it consisted of the five boroughs only (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, The Bronx, and Staten Island) and the state capital, Albany. That’s it. That’s the whole of New York. What do both of these stories show? That eight-year-old me was a fucking idiot. And ya know what? Eight-year-old you was a fucking idiot as well. Don’t base your life now on how you imagined it would be before you even hit puberty. That little asshole knew nothing about the real world and how hard it can be.

Don’t worry that you don’t have it all figured out. I have this theory on why your twenties are probably the most ridiculously nerve-wracking ten years of your life and why we probably shouldn’t be stressing so much. There is always this constant fear that things aren’t working out. That we don’t have it figured out. You have this great job and then you get fired. You’re in a great relationship and then it starts to fizzle. It seems like once your life is settling into place, you’re thrown a curve ball. But the thing is, that’s life in general. Life is always going to be messy and full of surprises. It’s not meant to be all figured out into a nice package. That’s something we still believe now. We think if we just get that ring, get that job, have that baby, move to that place, everything will be fine. Once you’re in your thirties, you stop believing that nonsense and start living life as it is. At least that’s what I’m hoping for anyway when I turn the big 3-0.

Well that was a mouthful. If you made it all the way to the end, you’re awesome!