Break-Ups

The Number One Rule of Dating

the rules of datin - he's just not that into you
When you start dating someone, you’re going to find yourself doing a lot of questioning. “Does this person like me?” “What exactly are they looking for?” “Am I coming on too strong?” “When should I sleep with them?” “Should I have ‘the talk’ or should I just wait it out?” So. Many. Questions.

You are going to turn to every outlet available to find the answers to these questions. Do a quick Google search of “When should I sleep with the person I’m dating?” and it will turn up millions of results. And each article you find will have a different response. Three dates. Five Dates. Three months. Marriage. Any situation you find yourself in, I guarantee someone else has been in that exact same position. Some other person has found themselves dealing with a person who doesn’t respond to texts fast enough or went from texting every day to completely MIA overnight. And I bet they even wrote a blog post about it to help the next person figure out how to handle it.

Aside from the always helpful Internet, there are real life people to turn to when your dating life gets a bit tricky. I know for myself my friends are always there with a helpful, “Fuck him. I hate him and he’s not worth the trouble.” They really mean well. They just want to help you out and don’t want to see you get hurt.

Well luckily your favorite blogger is here so you don’t have to turn to the Internet or real life people anymore. I’m here to hit you with some real truth. I have got all the dating advice you’ll ever need. Once you read this you’ll never have to take another “But what does this text really mean?” quiz ever again.

Here is the number one dating rule that everyone needs to follow:

1. Don’t follow any dating rules. Don’t listen to a stupid article that describes the proper way to act with someone that you’re dating. Do whatever you feel is right for your relationship and whatever makes you comfortable.

jenna marbles - mind blown

Your mind must be officially blown right now. But what about the rules??? Well lovely readers, I kindly say fuck the rules! You want to bang on the first date, go right ahead! You want to wait until you feel completely comfortable, no matter how long that may take, then do that.

Relationships and dating are not one size fits all. In the end of the day, it’s just you and that one other person involved in the situation. If you rely on strangers from the Internet or your friends to constantly dictate how to proceed with your relationship, then you’re doing it wrong.

However I will give you just one little piece of advice, even though I just said don’t listen to strangers from the Internet: When it comes to relationships and dating, you really need to follow your instincts and do what feels right for you. Don’t overthink sending a text or asking to hang out. Don’t over-analyze ever single text you receive. Plenty of times people really do just mean what they say and there isn’t some hidden code in a “Hey, what’s up?” text. But the second you find yourself in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or badly about yourself, then you need to back away.

Do I Call You My Ex? The Case of the “Almost Relationship”

Almost Lover A Fine FrenzyAs someone who dates a lot but never actually ends up in a relationship, I often come across what I like to refer to as the “almost relationship.” This happens when you meet someone and there is intrigue and attraction. You can tell this isn’t going to be a one-date deal. You start to get into a routine. You talk almost every day and see each other a few times a week. It definitely seems like it’s leading to something and then after a few weeks or a couple of months, it starts to fade. Plenty of times nothing is actually said to end the “almost relationship.” You just start to talk less and less.

I am the first to admit that the majority of the times my “almost boyfriends” have turned into someone that I used to know (try reading that without singing, I dare you) is because of me. A huge part of it is my insane fear of commitment. I always think I want to be a relationship and I genuinely don’t want to wind up alone for the rest of my life, but the second I see things starting to get serious, I put an end to it. I’ll usually find something about the guy that I don’t like. Something that I just cannot put up with so clearly I have to put an end to this whole thing before it gets serious. Most of the time it’s a completely superficial thing. It’s just my way of ending things before they get into territory that scares me.

Twice I have found myself on the other end, and the second time came last night. Let me just say that it’s a horrible feeling. It’s not so much losing the person. Sure I liked the guy but three weeks is a short amount of time. I’ll easily be able to get over him and move on. The worst part of these “almost relationships” ending is the way it makes you feel. This person is just getting to know you. They’ve only seen the preview of you and have already decided that they’ve had enough and need to back away as fast as possible. That is a really shitty feeling. It doesn’t matter how nice the guy is about it and whatever reason he gives, you will wake up feeling like assballs. At least, assballs is what I felt like this morning when I woke up.

Coming to terms with the ending of an “almost relationship” is never fun but having been on both sides, I have learned a few things. When someone ends something with you before it even starts, you’re going to feel like it’s all your fault. Clearly there is something wrong with you. And here’s the thing, a part of it is you. This person did decide that they don’t want to be with you. But it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.

Overall, it is all about the other person. There can a million reasons that someone decides they don’t want to be in a relationship. There are plenty of guys I’ve let go that were great guys and would make great boyfriends. They just weren’t right with me. Actually, I’ve had to deal with the regret of ending an “almost relationship” prematurely. There is one boy in particular who I always regret ending things with. And there is nothing I can do about it now because he’s in a relationship with someone else. See how that works. He was the one who probably felt crappy at the end of our relationship and now he’s doing fine and I’m pining away.

For anyone dealing with end of an “almost relationship,” I know it sucks. It’s a major blow to your ego and you’re going to need a few days to wallow and feel sad. Do it. Complain to your friends all you want. But remember that you’re going to move on very quickly. This person wasn’t in your life long enough to even make a dent. Moving on will be easy. And you have to realize that there is nothing wrong with you. Think of all the people that you came across, lovely people, who you realized that you didn’t want to be with. We’re not going to want to date every person we meet. There’d be no fun and excitement if that were the case. One day you’re going to find yourself in an “almost relationship” that will seamlessly flow into an actual relationship. It may just take a little longer than you hoped for. At least, I know it’s taking a lot longer for me.

Because I’m feeling melancholy today and it fits with the theme of this post, here’s one of my favorite sad songs:

And, don’t forget to leave me some love in the comments. Comments always make me happy. And a happy blogger means more upbeat, funny posts in the near future.

What You Need To Get Over A Break-Up

new girl nick miller

This is not the appropriate way to act when someone is breaking up with you.

One of my good friends is going through a difficult break-up. It’s always hard when someone you love is going through a break-up with their significant other. You can spend hours telling them everything that was wrong with their boyfriend (he wore sleeveless hoodies!) and convincing them that the misery they are feeling will pass, but it’s going to take some time for them to recognize your words as truth.

When you’re sitting in your bedroom hysterically crying at 4 in the morning, it’s hard to remember the reasons you ended a relationship. Just a call or a text could make everything better. The problem is that while the communication will provide instant gratification, in the end it will make things worse. You need to remember the reasons you broke up in the first place. Hearing his voice isn’t going to change the very real problems you have.

Getting over a break-up takes time and a lot of resilience. It takes standing your ground. Too many people ignore the original problems they had and get back together after a short time of being apart.  News flash: Those problems aren’t going anywhere. They may take a back burner during the euphoria you’re both feeling after getting back together, but one day they will resurface.

Here are the things that we all need in order to really get over a break-up and to move on.

  1. A Harmless Vice. Truth be told, I was going to just put up alcohol here. Cause that is definitely what I need when going through something. But I need to remember that not everyone is a lush like me. Now when I say vice, I am not suggesting you all start smoking crystal meth. Don’t do that! But a bottle of wine, a tub of ice cream, binge watching an entire series on Netflix. All of these are excellent vices that can help get your mind off of the break-up for a few hours.
  2. Your Favorite Comedy. You know what’s great? Laughing! How can you not laugh watching a man in a wheelchair throw a wrench at people? That will instantly make you feel better.
  3. Crying. I love crying! Like seriously love it! I don’t understand people that say they never cry. It’s good for the soul. Whether you want to cry on the shoulder of your best friend or cry in the shower so no one can see, it doesn’t matter, as long as you do it. Cry your heart it. Your sad and should be sad. Crying is good.
  4. Anger. I fully condone breaking some shit when going through a break-up. Nothing too valuable; you’ll regret it. But there is something very satisfying about throwing something against a wall and watching it break.It’s even better if you can find something that belongs to your significant other to break. (And before anyone cries foul on this one: I’m suggesting you break a mug or something not step on his cat so it’s all good!)
  5. Friends. Family definitely fits under this category cause I don’t know about you but my sisters are two of the best friends I have. When going through a break-up, there can be a sense of feeling unlovable. Why didn’t he want me? Why won’t he fight for me? It’s good to surround ourselves with the people who still love us and care about us. So rent a movie and chill, go for coffee, go out dancing. Whatever you do, just make sure it’s with friends.
  6. Time. It’s like they say, “Time heals all wounds.” And while there are certain losses that we will never be able to get over, a break-up is something we can move past. It’s just going to take time. But trust me, with time, laughs and friends, you will get through it. Eventually you’ll wonder what you saw in him or her in the first place.