Culture

Maybe We’re Not Meant to Feel Settled

Depending on how you look at it, the word settled can either be a good thing or a bad thing. When it comes to relationships, hearing the word “settling” is never a good thing. You don’t want to be with someone who you’re just settling for. And even worse, you don’t want someone to just be settling for you in a relationship.

On the other side of the word settled, it evokes a sense of contentment. The official definition of settle is to “adopt a more steady or secure style of life, especially in a permanent job and home.”

While I wouldn’t say that I’m completely settled in life, I’m as close as I’ve ever been. Especially when it comes to my career. On paper, I make a decent living. (Although I question that after paying rent, car insurance, and student loans every month!) I am in the job I went to school for and have moved up quickly in my company.

I also have great friends, a loving family, an awesome bf, and a place of my own. Compared to my life even two years ago, I would consider myself settled. Or moving towards settled. Hopefully, with a few more years in my company, I could save enough to buy my own property.

But just when all these things started falling into place is when I started to get the itch to move. I have wanted to move out of New York for a long time. It was going to happen after High School. Then it was going to happen after college. Then it was going to happen when I kept moving from one dead-end job to the next. Then it was going to happen after I graduated from grad school.

It was always going to happen until it wasn’t.

The last move didn’t happen because I was offered the exact job I wanted the day after my last class at grad school. It was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. So once again, I put my dreams of moving out of NYC on the backburner.

And I’d probably let those dreams die out completely if it wasn’t for the overwhelming feeling of restlessness I’ve been experiencing. I don’t want to be settled. And I realized that I don’t want to ever feel settled.

There is so much in life to learn and explore that we should never feel truly settled. There’s always something new to experience.

The experiences will just be different for each person. Not everyone will feel the urge to pick up and move across the country. Maybe it’s always finding something new to talk about with your significant other. Maybe it’s mastering a new skill. Maybe it’s giving up YA books and making a goal to read more non-fiction.

No matter how big or small, don’t ever settle in life. There’s always something new to learn and fall in love with.

Ten Books to Lose Yourself In

Last week was a bitch! I have so much to say about the outcome of the election but then nothing to say as well. I almost wrote several different posts since last Wednesday. I was never able to really find the right words to express how I’m feeling.

The hatred I’ve seen on display by so many Americans has been disheartening. I’m scared for the future. And I’m saddened by the division. We all need a lesson on kindness. And we need to realize that you don’t fight intolerance with intolerance.

There’s so much more I can say about my feelings from last week but I won’t. I can imagine that everyone has heard enough already. But I also couldn’t bring myself to go back to writing unimportant posts as if nothing has happened. So I’m going to do something a little different this post.

I promise that I’ll go back to posting rants about adulting being really hard but for now I wanna leave you with this:

When life starts to get overwhelming and scary, you can find solace in books. Here are ten books that I recommend to lose yourself in when your FB newsfeed becomes terrifying.

Harry Potter series by J.K Rowling – If you’ve never read it, read it! If you’ve read it already, read it again!

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood – This book is terrifying. What makes it so terrifying is how believable it actually is.

Youth in Revolt by C.D. Payne – This is the most ridiculous book I’ve ever read and I mean that in the best way possible.

Matilda by Roald Dahl – The ultimate book for people who love books.

Daughter of Smoke & Bone series by Laini Taylor – I read this book when I was tired of the typical YA trilogies. You should read this book if you’re also tired of the typical YA trilogies.

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline – I have tried, unsuccessfully, to get friends to read this book. Maybe my lovely readers will listen to me.

Geek Love by Katherine Dunn – This book is a mind fuck and I love it.

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – Want a crash course on race in America? Read this book.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon – This book is long but don’t let that stop you; it’s AMAZING! It’s one of those books that you never want to end.

Persuasion by Jane Austen – Everyone is all about Pride and Prejudice but this is my favorite book by Ms. Austen.

My Obligatory Election Post

I wasn’t going to post this. I think by now we’ve all had enough election talk for at least the next 20 years. But before we find out who the new president is, there are a few things I need to say. (And what better platform than my blog? No one can stop me here or tell me to shut up.)

This has been the longest election ever and it’s FINALLY over. But not really.

Both candidates running for president are incredibly flawed. There’s no right choice here. I’m not going to spend this time talking up one candidate over the other. By this point, you’ve either already cast your vote or know who will be getting it.

My biggest issue with this entire election has been the division it’s caused. On one side, you’re an uneducated, ignorant racist. On the other side, you’re stupid and lazy.

A while back I made a post where I called all the people on my FB newsfeed posting about politics stupid and annoying. A family member called me out and said he took offense to being called stupid. He had a point. There was a hidden message there that anyone whose political views did not align with mine, is stupid and annoying. Shitty mentality to have.

Within the last month or so, the same family member has posted numerous memes about Democrats being stupid and unemployed, and suggesting that men voting for Hillary aren’t “real men.” Again, a shitty mentality to have.

It becomes a problem when we decide to group people into categories. Conservative or Liberal. Democrat or Republican. That’s not how the world works. That’s not how people work.

People. Human beings. Throughout this entire election, we’ve forgotten that “redneck Trump supporters,” “idiotic millenials,” “illegal aliens,” etc. are all human beings.

I’m about to get real hippie on you guys but hear me out. No matter who wins the election tonight, (or tomorrow morning depending when this thing is finally all said and done) we all need to live together in one country. We could have the greatest president these next four years (spoiler alert: we’re not going to have the greatest president) but none of it will matter if we’re so divided.

We need to learn to listen to one another better. We need to recognize that every single person has their own ideas and thoughts. There isn’t a perfect Conservative/Republican mold or Liberal/Democratic mold.

I know people who are conservative. I know people who are liberal. I know people who are Republican. I know people who are Democrat. I am friends with all of these people because these labels don’t define them. They are just a sliver of what makes them them.

So how about starting tomorrow we all start being a little kinder to one another. We all start listening to one another and trying to see the other side of an issue.

But as for tonight, you all have my permission to down a bottle of wine and fall asleep in a puddle of your own tears! God Bless!

Let’s Talk About Political Correctness

Political Correctness (PC) has been quite the buzzword this past year in the U.S. We’ve become too PC. We are sensitive babies. PC culture is ruining the country.

Considering that my views on social issues lean towards the left, this may come as a shock to you, but I partially agree with the critiques regarding this country and political correctness. I do think that we have become a little too sensitive at times. There is some Internet outrage every hour. And this outrage is usually directed towards something so insignificant.

I think a common misconception with PC culture is that it’s just the people on the left crying foul. Sorry but the overreacting plagues the entire country and all its inhabitants. (Finally something we are all on the same page with: being sensitive babies!)

The design of a Starbucks cup. A football player kneeling. The phrase “Happy Holidays.” In a time when our country is facing some really big issues, these are some of the things that people tend to cry out about.

So yes, in general, our country has become too sensitive. It shouldn’t matter whether a mall decides to put up a Christmas tree or not. A comedian shouldn’t be required to go on an apology tour because they made an off-color joke.

If when you refer to PC culture getting out of control, you’re referring to Apple replacing the gun emoji with a water gun, then I agree with you. I’m a girl who doesn’t think rape jokes should be banned. Do I think they’re funny? No. I also don’t find Aids jokes funny. What do I do if someone makes a joke about one of those subjects? Not laugh. I don’t research the person’s job so I can have them fired.

But let’s talk about what many people mean when they talk about PC culture, particurlay the walking Cheeto in the above gif.

Being tolerant of ALL religions and nationalities is not ruining this country. Allowing two consenting adults to marry the person they love is not ruining this country. Letting people explore their sexual orientation and gender because it literally doesn’t affect you in any way is not ruining the country.

Don’t cry and hide behind “political correctness” when you’re really just angry that PC Culture doesn’t allow you to be racist, homophobic, or sexist.

Money Can Buy Happiness

Money Can’t Buy Happiness. A while ago on this blog I made some comments about my least favorite sayings. I completely dropped the ball on that post. I did not include my least favorite saying of all time: Money Can’t Buy Happiness. What a load of crock that is!

Before you start with the whole “even the richest person could be depressed” nonsense, I’m going to stop you. I get what the saying is supposed to mean. Love and family and inner peace…all that crap is what truly makes a life rich. Rich people have problems too. But here’s the thing, I’d rather take rich people problems than poor people problems any day of the week.

Money really can’t buy happiness? I dunno, having health insurance and a roof over your head and a warm bed to sleep in will make people happy. You know what all those things cost? Money!

Call me materialistic all you want, but here are just a few things that would make me oh so happy. If only I had the money to afford them.

1. Putting guacamole on my burrito bowl wouldn’t even be a question.

2. My fries would ALWAYS come with cheese on them.

3. I’d never have to wait in traffic to take the bridge. I can slide on over to the fast lane to the tunnel cause who cares about tolls?

4. There’d never be a scramble to find an ATM to take out money when I need cash. I’ll just use my credit card and pay that extra $0.10 a gallon.

5. Speaking of ATMs, I would be able to go to any one I want. No need to worry about paying that $3.00 service fee.

6. Having to wait a week for the sale to start before I can buy ice cream would be a thing of the past.

7. I could order all the take-out I want, all the time, and never have to cry about my life savings going to pizza.

8. Speaking of pizza: Unlimited Toppings!!!

9. Getting dessert after every meal would always happen.

10. And I realize that the majority of these have to do with food but here’s another thing I could get if money wasn’t an option: a personal trainer.

It’s the Little Things in Life

Last year, 2015, was one of the most difficult and stressful years of my life.

I had to move in with my dad and share a room with my younger sister. I was working a part-time job that required about 3 hours of travel a day to get to and from. This job barely paid me enough to afford the dollar menu at McDonald’s. And I was also finishing up grad school which included writing a 60-page thesis.

It was really hard for me to focus on anything other than the bad times. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I felt like I was unhappy and stressed out all the time. If someone had asked me about some of the good times from 2015, it would be really hard for me to think of a single instance.

But there were good times. There were a lot of good times.

New Year’s Day of 2015, the first day of my incredibly shitty year, my sisters and I created a happiness jar. We decorated a mason jar. The mason jar would hold all my happiest memories for the year. Any moment or event of 2015 that made us exceptionally happy would be written about on a piece of paper and then placed in the jar. The idea was to read all the happy memories on New Year’s Day of 2016 to remind ourselves of all the good times throughout the year.

Before opening that jar on January 1st, 2016, if anyone had asked me how my 2015 was, I would have responded quickly with, “It was really stressful and not so great.”

However, all those memories I placed in my happiness jar throughout the year told a different story. They didn’t focus on the late nights spent writing papers or the depressed early mornings spent riding on a train to a job that paid next to nothing.

The jar was a nice reminder that 2015 wasn’t nearly as bad as I imagined. I had a lot of great moments in 2015. From my trip to California to random lunches with my sister to celebrating my nephew’s birthday, numerous things brought me incredible joy during the year. I was so busy between jobs and schoolwork that I didn’t have time to think about all the little moments that made life great.

And that’s how life always is. It’s the big moments, whether good or bad, that get all the credit. Getting married, births, deaths, graduations, lay offs, new jobs, etc. These BIG moments are the ones that get all the focus.

However, it’s all the little moments in between that make the big moments so significant.

People often describe their wedding day as one of the greatest days of their lives. And while that might be true, there were so many wonderful random days or moments that let up to that one big day. The first date. First kiss. First time you realized you were in love. The day he came over with soup and your favorite movie cause you were sick.

All those little moments that you don’t give much thought to are what really make life worthwhile. The moments that are easily forgotten when life becomes too busy (AKA when life is life).

When the majority of life is spent waking up, getting ready for work, going to work, coming home, and then getting ready to do it all over again the next day, it’s only natural that the big moments are the ones that stand out. The nights you spent staying up much later than you should have with your favorite people can easily be forgotten. But those moments are the real ones to cherish.

With New Year’s Eve just around the corner (Don’t make a face. It’s already the end of September. 2017 is going to be here before we know it), I challenge you to start your own happiness jar. Or shoebox. Or kitchen drawer. Wherever you want to store those memories. Just do it!

It’ll be a nice reminder of the moments that truly matter. And also remind you that life is a lot more amazing than we give it credit.

An Open Letter to 2016

The infrequency of my posting lets you know that I often struggle with coming up with ideas for new posts. So I think I need to start coming up with more themes. I already have Throwback Thursday, which I really need to start writing about again. Now I have a new feature that I’d like to introduce to everyone: An Open Letter. Because sometimes there are just people or things that I need to address with a strongly worded letter. I already did something like this when I wrote a letter to my 20-year-old self. Today’s open letter is directed towards 2016.

Dear 2016,

First of all, how dare you? I trusted you. I had high hopes for you. I truly believed that this was going to be a great year.

I already know what you’re going to say. “It’s only April. I still have so much left to offer.” ENOUGH! I don’t want to hear it. You have been one disappoint after the next. And you haven’t only fucked with me. Maybe if it was just me that you shit on, I could take it. But you’ve been disrespectful to my close family and friends. That’s where you’ve crossed the line.

It’s only May. We’ve only had four months of you and I already know plenty of people who are wishing for you to end.

That’s right! I am about to go on a Tyra-like rant on your sorry excuse for a year. You have to cut the shit. Sure life is supposed to be what you make it and we’re in charge of our own happiness. However, this is really hard to do when you keep getting in the way. I’m not going to get into details about all the things you’ve done to me and my friends and family. You’re fully aware.

This letter is me begging. Pleading. Please cut the shit. I’ve had enough. We’ve all had enough.

This is supposed to be a good year. It’s the year of the Summer Olympics. That’s one of my favorite things in the world and I have to wait every four years for it. That’s just one of the many things that was supposed to make you a great year. Don’t have us sitting here praying for 2017.

Just get your shit together. Or better yet just step back completely and let us live without pissing on our parade.

Sincerely,

Someone who wants to enjoy the last 8 months of this Godforsaken year!

P.S. If you could stop killing off iconic artists, that’d be great!

Things That People Love to Talk About Even Though Nobody Cares

This will come as a shock to no one but I find Facebook to be insufferable. I still have my FB account but I hardly ever use it anymore. I deleted the app from my phone and when I log on at work it’s mostly just to talk to people on messenger.

Facebook is filled with a bunch of annoying, stupid people talking about shit that no one cares about. (It’s also a constant reminder that everyone and their mother is getting engaged except for me but that’s another post altogether.)

There are certain topics that people love to voice their opinions to whoever will listen. These are topics that no one actually cares about yet people will still ramble on about. Here are some topics that if you ever feel the need to tell someone about quickly shove a sock in your mouth and lock yourself in a closet for a couple of hours because nobody cares.

Dieting – So do you want to hear what I had for lunch today? Wanna hear how many calories I consumed? No! No! Literally no one wants to hear about the healthy, green shit you had for lunch. If you ate at some amazing new restaurant that specializes in unique tacos, by all means please tell me about it. I’d love to hear about these tacos doused in hot sauce and guacamole. But if you want to tell me about the oatmeal you had for breakfast and the salad with dressing on the side for lunch, I’ll take a pass. Eat your salad, be sad about it, and shut up.

Exercising – This tends to coincide with the dieting phenomenon. You start eating salads and going to the gym and suddenly you won’t shut the hell up. There are those people who genuinely believe that if you don’t let FB know you went to the gym then the workout doesn’t really count. All those calories you burned are for nothing because you forgot to check in. For shame!

Dreams – People LOVE talking about their dreams. They love telling a person every little detail about their dream and then asking what the dream could possibly mean. So in your dream you were a giraffe and you made out with the human version of Joe Biden. You want me to try to make sense of that? I dunno, maybe it means that you’re a freaking weirdo. But wanna know what I do know? I know that I don’t care about what you saw in your dreams while you were sleeping. We’re all narcissistic. The only time someone wants to hear about what happened in your dreams is if you dreamed about them. If that’s not the case, keep it to your dream diary.

Politics – #FeeltheBern #MakeAmericaGreatAgain #DoesHillaryEvenHaveACatchphrase #ShutUp #NobodyGivesAShitWhoYoureVotingFor
Politics is one of the main reasons I needed to delete my FB app and minimize the amount of time I spent on the shitty site. This political season in America has been especially nauseating and it seems to have brought out the worst in people. (People that I normally love and cherish.) I never realized before how many of my friends and family are political experts. It was quite the shock to me. News Flash: None of you are political experts and most of you actually know nothing about politics. So please kindly keep your political views to yourself because NOBODY CARES!

*Please note that none of this applies to me when it comes to blogging. I recently booked a trip to Miami so I’ll have plenty of tales about my attempts at dieting and exercising. I may bring Throwback Thursday back just so I can tell you about the dream I had where 50 Cent tried to kill me. (This is a very real dream that still haunts me to this day.) And if Donald Trump somehow becomes president this November, there will be plenty of bitching from me.

Things I Won’t Be Saying Goodbye to in My Thirties

So I already went over this a bit when I discussed the things I hope I’m never too old for. As I am about to enter a new decade in life, plenty of people would like to tell me all the things I need to give up. Just look here and here to see some of the asinine things I’m supposed to say goodbye to once I enter my thirties.

Fun. Fun seems to be one of the number one things I need to give up when I’m 30. Well, let me tell you. I refuse. I’m not going to turn into a boring human being once I say goodbye to my twenties. Here’s all the things I won’t be giving up.

Wearing mini skirts. My legs are my best feature and I will be showing them off until that’s no longer the case.
Shopping at Forever 21. I can get leggings that fit nicely for less than five dollars!
Staying up way past my bedtime and drinking more than I should with my friends. Sure the hangovers are a million times worse and it’s not a good look to get wasted every weekend, but I’m not going to give up occasional nights with my friends where we all act like we’re 21 again.
Spending an entire day in my PJs. Sometimes I work 6 days a week. If I want to spend all day Sunday in bed watching TV, I’m going to do just that.
Reading YA novels. Sure I can pretend I’m doing it cause of my job but really it’s because I like the books.
Eating copious amounts of junk food. You can pull the cupcakes and chips from my cold, dead hands.
Playing drinking games (or games in general). This is particularly talking to the ridiculous list that told all thirtysomethings to give up beer pong forever. Bitch please!
Buying furniture from Ikea. I think unless the day comes when I actually buy myself a house, I will be getting all my furnishings from Ikea.
Wearing mismatched underwear. Once. Once in my life can I remember my bra and panties actually matching. (And yes this was a time when I knew someone else would be taking my clothes off at the end of the night.) Matching underwear is the type of life-together nonsense that I will never achieve.
Eating cold pizza and/or lo mein in the morning. I have been blessed with a stomach of steel. I can eat whatever I want in the morning for breakfast. And this will always include leftover pizza and lo mein.

Things Are Different This Time

Well I haven’t been around in awhile. I did not want to start 2016 completely neglecting this blog. It kind of just happened that way. I don’t have a working laptop at the moment and the new job does not leave me a lot of time to sit and write a post. (I did some of my best blogging at my old job.)

I’ve been missing blogging and reading posts from my favorite bloggers. But other than that, 2016 has been going really well for me. My job as a Young Adult librarian has been a lot of fun. I still haven’t fully won over the teens at my library but I will! I’m not above bribing them with chips and cookies. They will like me! I’ve also found a place to live. I will once again have my own place by February 15th. I’ll also be purchasing a new laptop to go with my move so blogging will go back to normal eventually. (You all can rejoice!)

Additionally, remember the nice boy who’s tall and makes me laugh I spoke about in my last post? Well he is still very much in the picture. Things are going really good. It’s no secret that I have a tendency to overthink things so I can honestly say that things are going scarily good. Boys normally fall into one of two categories for me. Either I really like them and am attracted to them but they’re assholes who don’t treat me so great or they are so nice to me and are so into me but I feel nothing towards them. But this guy. Man, it’s different. He’s so incredibly nice and he likes me. But I also really like him and think he is just the cutest boy ever! (I know, I know. I’m corny! I can’t help it.)

Anyone who has read even just a handful of my posts will know that I am not very good at the whole dating thing. Things never seem to work out. Things just feel different this time around. I’m not pulling many of my classic-Liz moves that I normally do when I like a boy.

I don’t analyze every word of every text I send him. If there’s something I want to tell him or just want to say “hi,” I send him the text without even thinking about it. I don’t spend hours debating whether I should send him a “What’s going on?” or “What’s up?” text with my friends. (Something I have sadly done many times before.)
I’m not afraid to let him know I like him and be affectionate towards him. This is going to be very shocking to hear, but I have a bit of a wall built up around me. I don’t normally like letting a guy know I’m into him for fear of being hurt.
If he doesn’t answer my text right away, I don’t stress. I know it’s cause he’s probably busy at work or just hasn’t had a chance to answer me back yet.
I haven’t spent hours obsessing over all the things that are wrong with him. I like him and I haven’t tried convincing myself that there are so many reasons why I shouldn’t like him.
I’m myself around him. This is a big one. Normally when I like a boy, it’s almost impossible for me to be myself. I don’t do it on purpose but I’m just thinking so much that it’s hard to act natural. When I’m with this boy, I’m incredibly goofy and the conversation just flows easily.
I have no problems initiating plans with him. This coincides with point number 2. Normally, I avoid coming across as clingy or as though I like a boy too much by never being the first to make plans. I’ll usually make the guy do all the work.
I don’t feel the need to constantly talk about him. Here comes another shocker: I’m usually pretty insecure when dating someone. I normally spend a lot of time chewing my friend’s ears off with every detail about what’s going on with the guy I’m dating. I think I’m subconsciously looking for reassurance that things are going well.
I’m not worried about the future or “what we are.” This is still all new. We’ve been hanging out for about a month now and I’m just enjoying the time. I’m not overthinking labels or where this is all headed. I’m just enjoying my time with him right now.

I’ve been very un-Liz like and I’m really liking it.

Am I Thirty Yet

Hopefully by the time I'm thirty I'll have this all figured out.