Feminism

Things That Do Not Matter

It doesn’t matter how much alcohol a person consumed.

It doesn’t matter how revealing a person’s clothes were.

It doesn’t matter what time of day it was.

It doesn’t matter what the person’s sexual past is.

It doesn’t matter how athletic a person is or how bright their future could have been.

It doesn’t matter if both parties have had sex with one another in the past.

It doesn’t matter if both parties are currently in a relationship or were in the past.

It doesn’t matter if a person was alone.

It doesn’t matter if drugs were involved.

It doesn’t matter how nice and sweet a person has been to members of the opposite sex in the past.

Things That Do Matter

If a person has sex with someone else without consent.

*If you’re still feeling like some of those things I mentioned do matter, then I suggest you read this letter.

 

 

If You Don’t Want Nude Photos Leaked, Don’t Take Nude Photos

Gillian Anderson - Media turns women into virgins or whores

If you don’t want your nude photos shown all over the internet, don’t take nude photos. If you don’t want to get raped, don’t wear revealing clothing. If you don’t want your identity stolen, don’t use credit cards. If you don’t want to get robbed, don’t buy things. If you don’t want to get electrocuted, don’t have any electronics. If you don’t want to get punched in the face, don’t have a face.

Enough! Enough with victim blaming, no matter the crime. If your first response to the photo leak was to shout that people shouldn’t take naked photos, just stop! If your first response was to proclaim how you never have and never will take nude photos, congratulations! Would you and your high horse like a cookie?

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe this is a concept that some people can’t understand but where I come from, when a crime is committed the person to blame is the criminal who committed said crime.

But sadly we leave in a society where that’s not always the case, especially when the crime is of a sexual nature. People will bend over backwards to find reasons the victims brought it upon themselves.

In this case, these reasons are as follows: Those celebrities shouldn’t have taken the photos in the first place. They should have covered their faces. They were stupid for saving the photos on iCloud.

Now don’t get me wrong, that is some solid advice. This is a reminder for everyone that it is harder and harder to keep things private these days. This became big news because of the people it happened to but even us common folk get our private photos/videos leaked on the Internet. However, if your first and only response is one of those reasons and not that this is a gross violation of privacy and the person who hacked the photos is to blame, then you are part of the problem.

That should be the biggest and only problem about this photo leak: Privacy! The content of the photos should be a non-issue here. It’s just boobs, but to some people that seems to be the biggest problem. Because don’t forget ladies, the second you decide to take control of your own sexuality, you’re not doing what society expects of you. Your sexuality is a prop and commodity for others to do what they please with. You break away from that mold and expect to be condemned.

I am sick and tired of people being blamed when a crime is committed against them. Let’s stop with the victim shaming once and for all. The only person who should be blamed when a crime is committed is the criminal.

(Sorry that this post is kind of all over the place. I started school on Thursday so I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep. And I have to go to the dentist today so I have been extra cranky. I promise something upbeat for my next post!)

Oh You’re Nice? Please Marry Me!

chris rock

I don’t fully believe this. There are nice people out there but this Chris Rock gif was just too perfect for the article at hand.

I just came across an article today on Elite Daily that really rubbed me the wrong way. The article in question was titled “An Open Letter to the Girl Who Let the Nice Guy Go.” I tried to look at the article objectively. It’s clearly written by someone who regrets a dating decision she’s made. And that I can relate to. Plenty of us, myself included, have that one person that we felt we’ve let get away and regret it. So while I was able to relate to the regret the author was feeling, I was not keen on the tone she was taking.

There was an assumption that if a girl starts dating a guy who is “nice”, that’s it. She does not need to take in any other factors. He’s nice so she is a fool if she lets him go. It’s one of the reasons that Summer is viewed as a bitch in 500 Days of Summer. (Which is a fantastic movie and if you haven’t seen it yet, you need to do so immediately.) Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Tom plays the nice guy who instantly falls head over heels with Zooey Deschanel’s Summer. While Summer enjoys hanging out with Tom, she always feels that there is something missing. She eventually leaves Tom and many viewers questioned what was wrong with Summer. She had a nice guy and she left him go! How could she?

So by this logic, if I come across a guy who is nice to me, am I supposed to drop everything and be with him? Who cares if we don’t have a connection. He holds the door for me and tells me I’m pretty. That’s all us ladies need in a committed relationship.

It’s this way of thinking that reinforces the nice guy and friend zone mentality so many boys seem to have these days. Being nice to someone else does not entitle you to anything. Sex, a relationship, cookies. Not a thing. You choose to do something nice for someone, you want to know the only thing you deserve? A “thank you.” Nothing more, nothing less.

So you were nice to your partner and she left you? Maybe she wasn’t physically attracted to you. (While I will say this is not the most important factor to a relationship, it is crucial.) Maybe she didn’t feel any connection. Maybe she wasn’t ready for a relationship. Maybe she thought you were boring. The list is endless. There are a million reasons that relationships don’t work. If they were easy and not complicated, we’d all be married off by the time we were 19.

 

Taking Back the F Word

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The other day I was talking with my sister about feminism and she said she doesn’t consider herself a feminist. When I asked her why she said, “I believe in equality but I’m not one of those crazy feminists.”

Recently a girlfriend of mine described her teacher as someone who looks like a feminist. She meant this as an insult.

Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost the meaning of the word feminist. It’s become a term that many women are afraid to identify with. It seems as though the mainstream version of a feminist is someone who hates men, never shaves her legs, and looks down upon stay-at-home moms. There have been a slew of female celebrities who have publicly said they are not feminists. Many of them have chosen to call themselves humanists because it’s not as harsh a word. In the end, being a feminist is being a humanist. It shouldn’t be a scary word that evokes visions of angry women chopping off penises.

Feminism also is not about looking down upon women who choose to live a more traditional role. I was reading the comments in an article about stay-at-home moms and one woman mentioned how she tried working after having kids but realized feminism lied to her and she finally stopped working so she could be home with her kids. Sorry lady, but feminism didn’t lie to you. In fact, feminism helped you in that situation by giving you the choice to decide you’d rather stay home than work. Back in the day, this was not a decision women were able to make. They were to stay home with their children. Working was never in the equation.

The actual definition of the word feminism? “The advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.” That’s it! That is why it always boggles my mind when anyone says they don’t support feminism. So you don’t want to be seen as an equal? If you believe that all people are equal, then congratulations! You’re a feminist.

Here are some things that contrary to popular belief do not factor in at all when it comes to feminism:

1. If you love men. Goes back to the whole equal thing. If you think you’re superior to an entire gender, you may not fully grasp the concept of equality.

2. If you’re married and took your husbands last name. Kudos to you for making that choice. If I ever get married, I plan on taking my husband’s last name. Doesn’t make me any less of a feminist.

3. If you shave your legs, armpits, or any other part of your body.

4. If you’ve had any kind of plastic surgery, including breast implants.

5. If you like wearing high heels, dresses, and/or makeup.

6. If you’re a stay-at-home mom.

7. If you have more guy friends than girl friends.

8. If you love romantic comedies.

9. If you love romance novels.