Life Lessons

It’s the Little Things in Life

Last year, 2015, was one of the most difficult and stressful years of my life.

I had to move in with my dad and share a room with my younger sister. I was working a part-time job that required about 3 hours of travel a day to get to and from. This job barely paid me enough to afford the dollar menu at McDonald’s. And I was also finishing up grad school which included writing a 60-page thesis.

It was really hard for me to focus on anything other than the bad times. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I felt like I was unhappy and stressed out all the time. If someone had asked me about some of the good times from 2015, it would be really hard for me to think of a single instance.

But there were good times. There were a lot of good times.

New Year’s Day of 2015, the first day of my incredibly shitty year, my sisters and I created a happiness jar. We decorated a mason jar. The mason jar would hold all my happiest memories for the year. Any moment or event of 2015 that made us exceptionally happy would be written about on a piece of paper and then placed in the jar. The idea was to read all the happy memories on New Year’s Day of 2016 to remind ourselves of all the good times throughout the year.

Before opening that jar on January 1st, 2016, if anyone had asked me how my 2015 was, I would have responded quickly with, “It was really stressful and not so great.”

However, all those memories I placed in my happiness jar throughout the year told a different story. They didn’t focus on the late nights spent writing papers or the depressed early mornings spent riding on a train to a job that paid next to nothing.

The jar was a nice reminder that 2015 wasn’t nearly as bad as I imagined. I had a lot of great moments in 2015. From my trip to California to random lunches with my sister to celebrating my nephew’s birthday, numerous things brought me incredible joy during the year. I was so busy between jobs and schoolwork that I didn’t have time to think about all the little moments that made life great.

And that’s how life always is. It’s the big moments, whether good or bad, that get all the credit. Getting married, births, deaths, graduations, lay offs, new jobs, etc. These BIG moments are the ones that get all the focus.

However, it’s all the little moments in between that make the big moments so significant.

People often describe their wedding day as one of the greatest days of their lives. And while that might be true, there were so many wonderful random days or moments that let up to that one big day. The first date. First kiss. First time you realized you were in love. The day he came over with soup and your favorite movie cause you were sick.

All those little moments that you don’t give much thought to are what really make life worthwhile. The moments that are easily forgotten when life becomes too busy (AKA when life is life).

When the majority of life is spent waking up, getting ready for work, going to work, coming home, and then getting ready to do it all over again the next day, it’s only natural that the big moments are the ones that stand out. The nights you spent staying up much later than you should have with your favorite people can easily be forgotten. But those moments are the real ones to cherish.

With New Year’s Eve just around the corner (Don’t make a face. It’s already the end of September. 2017 is going to be here before we know it), I challenge you to start your own happiness jar. Or shoebox. Or kitchen drawer. Wherever you want to store those memories. Just do it!

It’ll be a nice reminder of the moments that truly matter. And also remind you that life is a lot more amazing than we give it credit.

The Other Shoe Is Always Going to Drop

My favorite line when I start dating someone new is, “I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Those first few weeks/months of dating someone, things are as close to perfect as they’ll ever be. You’re both on your best behavior and trying really hard to impress one another. The guy never cancels, always texts on time. The girl always has her makeup and hair done, never complains. Everyone is trying to be the most perfect version of themselves.

I spend a new relationship just waiting to see when this blissful period will end. Because it always does. It tends to end in the most horrifically dramatic way possible. The guy doesn’t just stop canceling, he stops making plans altogether. He stops texting right away and instead takes 3-5 business days to respond with an “lol” or an “ok.”

This is never fun and it’s the reason why I always enter a new relationship with skepticism. I know the other shoe is going to drop. It’s not a matter of if but a matter of when.

However, there is something that I need to realize: the other shoe is always going to drop and that’s OK. What matters is how it drops. If it drops but I’m able to pick it up, slip it back on, and keep on walking, that’s alright. It’s when the shoe drops and breaks so badly that it’s cheaper to just buy a new pair than take them to get fixed, that I need to worry about it.

The other shoe is always going to drop. That new period in a relationship I just spoke about – the one where everyone is on their best behavior – is nice but it’s not sustainable. Perfect bliss in a relationship isn’t real.

Relationships are messy and complicated because people are messy and complicated.

You shouldn’t want that perfect bliss to last forever because then you’re never really seeing the person you’re dating for who they truly are.

Now this isn’t to say that a person should do a complete 180 when you’ve been dating a few months and stop trying. But this is saying that a person shouldn’t be afraid to show different parts of themselves, even the not so great ones.

I’ve come to realize that I look forward to the other shoe dropping. Show me what makes you YOU. I want the authentic version. Not the version who is on his best behavior because he’s trying to impress me.

What makes you sad? What makes you angry? What are some of your annoying little habits that you kept in check our first few dates?

I am not looking for the perfect version of you. I’m looking for the real version of you.

This is exactly why not only do I realize that the other shoe is always going to drop but I look forward to it.

The Steps Every Girl Goes Through When Cutting Her Hair

Now when I say cutting her hair, I do not mean getting a trim. I’m talking about when you decide to take the plunge and cut off several inches of your hair. Or if you’re feeling really bold, decide to shave off everything. (For the sake of eyes everywhere I will never be doing this.)

The movies would have you believe that chopping off all your hair is simple. All a girl needs is a traumatic experience, a hotel room mirror, and some rusty scissors. A few snips and she’s walking out of there like she just stepped out of a Pantene commercial and ready to kick some ass. If I find myself in a hotel room with a rusty pair of scissors, the best I’m walking out with is a trip to the ER for a tetanus shot.

There is a lot that goes into finally deciding to cut your hair.

It all starts when you realize your hair is getting too long. You’ve started washing your hair every other month because styling the Godforsaken mop on top your head requires 10 free hours and the arm strength of The Rock.

You know that a cut has to be scheduled sometime in the near future.

You start doing research for cute hairstyles. There are so many adorable short hairstyles and everyone looks so good. (You don’t take into account that all of these females you’re looking at have had their hair and makeup professionally done because you’re an idiot.) You think, “I can totally pull of a lob.” (A lob is a long bob for those not paying attention.)

You save several photos that you really like and start showing them to everyone you know. Obviously they all tell you that it’s adorable and you’d look great.

You finally decide to call your hair salon and make the appointment.

The day of the appointment comes and you’re feeling excited. You’ve got all those photos on your phone ready to show the stylist. You also rationalize that you’ve got to lose at least 10 pounds after the majority of this mess is off your head.

You sit down at the chair after your hair has been washed and the anxiety starts to kick in. The stylist asks what you want done and you falter. “Maybe I don’t want to cut it short. Maybe just a trim. I could always cut it another time. If I cut it now, I can’t change it.”

You go back and forth with the stylist about just how short you actually want it. Shoulder-length. At the collar bone. Right below the chin. You’re like a deranged auctioneer trying to sell off as little of your hair as possible.

After much haggling and debating, a length is finally decided. It’s not quite as short as you originally planned but still several inches shorter than what you’ve got going on now.

Fear starts to seep in when you see all your luscious locks start to fall to the floor. That’s right. The mop on top of your head suddenly becomes a luscious mane and the monster with the scissors is taking it all away.

You eventually calm yourself down. The hair is already cut. This is what you needed. It will all be OK.

When all the hair has been cut and your new short hair has been styled, you look in the mirror to view the results. It looks great! It’s so healthy-looking. You’re so satisfied with your haircut that you over tip the stylist. It’s all good. She deserves it for dealing with your mane.

For the next three days you constantly check yourself out in every mirror that you pass. You look good. You feel confident. You love your new hair.

Then you wash your hair for the first time and realize you’ve made a terrible mistake. You want to find the animals who claim that short hair is the best because it’s so low maintenance. Who invented this myth? Who do I have to punch in the throat? Short hair is so far from being low maintenance. How did the stylist make it look so beautiful? How did she get it to bounce the way that it did? And OMG I can’t even just throw it up in a ponytail without looking like a crazy homeless person!

But eventually things start to settle down. You learn how to style this hair and make yourself look presentable. The short hair starts to grow on you.

However, you vow never to cut your hair short again. That is until the next time your hair grows to unmanageable lengths and you repeat the process all over again.

And now here’s a shameless selfie from someone who recently cut her hair and knows all too well what each of these stages feel like.

Rejection Doesn’t Mean You Failed

Some of you may feel as though the title of this page is incorrect. How could rejection not equate to failure? Well, not to be rude but some of you people are completely wrong.

Rejection does not mean that you failed. Rejection means that you tried. Rejection means that you took a chance. Rejection means that you stepped out of your comfort zone. Rejection means that you went for something that you wanted. Even if you didn’t get it, the rejection doesn’t negate all the risks you took going for it.

Failure is never taking a chance. Failure is living a life of comfort because you’re afraid of trying anything new. Failure is never allowing yourself to love for fear that you may get your heartbroken. Failure is thinking of everything that could go wrong when an opportunity presents itself so you talk yourself out of it.

But most importantly, failure is allowing rejection to cause you to never take another chance again. To stop it from pursuing your goals and what you really want in life. That’s what real failure looks like.

Rejection and failure are what make life worth living. If you go through life never facing rejection and failure then you probably don’t live life to the fullest. Life is all about making the most of it. Taking chances. Living on the edge. Avoiding all that life has to offer because you want the comfortable route or don’t want to fail is no way to live.

Some of the most successful people in the world have faced rejection. Kerry Washington, Emmy-nominated actress of Scandal, was fired from two previous pilots before things clicked. Oprah Winfrey, yes THAT Oprah Winfrey, was fired from her first TV Job as an anchor. Walt Disney himself was fired from a newspaper because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Stephen King’s classic Carrie was rejected by 30 different publishers causing him to almost throw in the towel.

Rejection is a part of life. The thing that turns rejection into failure is how you react to it. Here are a few quotes that remind us all that rejection could potentially be the best thing to ever happen to us.

“I think it’s important to have a good hard failure when you’re young. I learned a lot out of that. Because it makes you kind of aware of what can happen to you. Once you’ve lived through the worst, you’re never quite as vulnerable afterward….You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” – Walt Disney
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy
“Giving up is the only sure way to fail.” – Gena Showalter
“When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.” – Ellen DeGeneres
“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” – Chris Bradford
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison
“Winners are not afraid of losing. But losers are. Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.” – Robert T. Kiyosaki
“Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or use failure that often leads to greater success. I’ve met people who don’t want to try for fear of failing.” – J.K. Rowling
“I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you’re good at.” – Louis C.K.
“I don’t understand a way to work other than bold-facedly running towards failure.” – Cate Blanchett

I wrote this post with a special person in mind. A person who took a huge chance and while it didn’t work out needs to be reminded that great things are sill to come!

Dating Advice From Someone Who Is Horrible at It

As you all know, I’m not so great at this whole dating thing. Never have been, probably never will be. I don’t see myself becoming the next host of the Millionaire Matchmaker anytime soon. (Actually, considering that the host of a friggen matchmaking show is single maybe I could!) I spent a large portion of my 20’s dating and making a lot of mistakes. But along the way I learned a lot. I’ve always been better at giving other people advice but not being able to give myself the same advice.

As it always seems to go, a lot of my friends have come to me for relationship/dating advice. I never understood it really. It’s like asking the vegan what’s the best way to grill a steak. But I liked it. Hearing others’ experiences in dating and giving my own perspective, has also helped me learn a lot about my own dating life.

So I have decided to bestow some of my words of wisdom to you, my loyal readers. Please keep in mind that I do not claim to be an expert at dating. (I admit to being horrible at it right in the title.) But these are just some of the things I’ve learned along the way dating and hearing about the adventures in my friends’ dating life. Also, all of this stuff is coming from my personal experiences. I am not excluding people on purpose but I feel as though I can only give proper dating advice to girls dating boys. It’s all I know.

Sex is and isn’t a big deal. When you’re first dating someone, a lot of emphasis is put on sex. Just do a quick Google search of the phrase “when should I sleep with the guy I’m dating?” You’ll get a million hits. And every single article will have a different time frame. As confusing as this may sound, my thoughts on sex when it comes to dating is that it’s a big deal but in the same sense, it isn’t. When you’re dating someone new, sex is just another part of getting to know them. You should never be using sex as a way to get something that you want in a relationship, i.e. him making things official. But sex also does change the dynamics of a relationship. If you’re already liking someone, the feelings may very well get deeper after you have sex. You need to be prepared for that. In the end, no one can tell you when you should sleep with someone except for you. Just do it when you feel comfortable, and ONLY when you’re comfortable.

Do not get trashed on a first date. This is coming from someone who loves her alcohol. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. However, getting drunk on a first date is never a good look. And this goes for both guys and girls. Have a drink or two to settle your nerves but keep the sloppy drunkenness for at least the third date.

If there’s nothing there, you can’t force it. This past year I implemented a two-dates and then I’m done rule for myself. I do believe that you can sometimes be unsure about a person after a first date. You feel like there may be something but you’re not sure. There’s nothing wrong with going on that second date to find out. However, if after that second date you’re still not sure, it’s best to just end things. You cannot force feelings. If they’re not there, they’re not there. Forcing it is unfair to the person you’re dating and to yourself.

Don’t string someone along cause you’re bored and/or lonely. This is just wrong on so many levels but I feel as though we’ve all been guilty of doing this at least once. Even if we lied to ourselves and claimed we really liked the person. No, you just like the attention they’re giving you. I’ll go back to my previous point: if you’re still not feeling it after the second date, cut ties.

Go into your own wallet every once in awhile. This may be an unpopular opinion and you all may not agree with me but I’m going to say it anyway. I think the guy should pay on the first date. Even if the girl does the whole “would you like some money?,” it’s just to be polite. She doesn’t actually want you take her money. Now with that being said, your man shouldn’t be paying for every single thing, every single time. If you’re both working, there is no excuse for you not to dip into your wallet even once the entire time you’re dating.

There’s nothing wrong with meeting a potential spouse online. I have this friend who is obsessed with the perfect love story. She wants some epic tale of how her and her husband met that she can one day tell her grandkids. It’s a great idea but usually doesn’t work that way. Do you really think you’re going to fall in the middle of the street and right before a taxi runs you over, a Ryan Gosling look-a-like is going to scoop you up in his arms and save your life? Sorry, this isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie. More and more people are meeting their significant others online and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The majority of single people these days probably have at least one dating profile, most have more than one.

Rejection is just a part of dating. I am going to be blunt here: not everyone is going to like you. Have you liked every person you’ve ever come across? Have you ever come across a guy who seemed really cool and even thought he was cute but felt absolutely nothing for him romantically? These things happen. And they are going to happen to you. You shouldn’t take it personally. Just move on because there is a guy out there that will realize just how amazing you are.

Having standards is one thing but being too picky is not good. Keep your standards. Don’t settle for a dud just because you’re scared you’re going to wake up one day at the age of 50, alone, with a dozen cats. There are some things that you shouldn’t compromise with in a relationship. However, there is a such thing as being too picky. The guy you’re dating isn’t perfect and neither are you. Don’t drop him the second you discover something you don’t like about him.

The “What are we” talk isn’t all that important. You’ve been dating a guy for a little while now and things have been going great. He texts you and makes time to hang out with you when he’s not working. It’s obvious that he’s into you. The only thing that hasn’t happened yet is the “Where is this going” chat. That’s fine. There’s no need to bring that up when it’s early in a relationship if it’s pretty obvious where you stand.

But if you’re feeling unsure/uncomfortable about something, speak up. If you find yourself constantly questioning where you stand with a guy or feel that things have suddenly changed, then speak up. You have the right to know if you guys are on the same page or if you’re wasting your time. A conversation like this can be scary and you may not always get the response you’d like but it’s always better to bring it up sooner rather than later.

A Letter to My 20-Year-Old Self

So tomorrow is the big day! The day this entire blog was written about. I turn 30! Turning 30 has made me think a lot about what it was like when I was turning 20 and saying goodbye to my teens. I didn’t handle it very well. There were panic attacks and I actually wet the bed the night of my birthday. (This is a true story and maybe I’ll tell you lucky people about it in another post.)

For now, let’s go back to poor, little 20-year-old Liz. She was not excited about leaving her teens behind her and entering her twenties. Current Liz still isn’t 100% sure on what she wants with her life and the direction it is going to take. But 20-year-old Liz might as well have been on another planet. She didn’t even know what hairstyle worked best for her face or how to put on eyeliner. She was a lost soul who needed a lot of guidance.

Now being a wise, almost 30-year-old (that was oozing with sarcasm in case you didn’t realize), there is so much I would like to tell my 20-year-old self. I would just like to remind her that her twenties are not going to be as fabulous as she can imagine but they are also not as horrible as they will sometimes feel.

Dear 20-year-old Liz,

Hey girl! It’s me (you) the day before you turn 30! Yep, you live for at least another ten more years. Congratulations! I’m sure you have a shit ton of questions for me. Sorry, I can’t answer all of them. I don’t wanna spoil the entire next ten years for you. But here’s a few bits of advice (mixed with some spoilers) that I really wish I had heard way back then.

I want to start off by telling you that you’re not old. Not even in the slightest. Every birthday these next ten years will for some reason fill you with dread. Just stop and enjoy it! There’s nothing old about being in your early twenties.

I know you’ve always been a pretty anxious person but it’s just going to get a lot worse. Sorry! But you do find little tricks that help with your anxiety. Whenever it gets too bad, remember to take a deep breath. Steadying your breathing really helps. A glass of wine is always a great thing when your anxiety hits you at night. (Don’t make that gagging face. You learn to love wine. It’s so much better than that gross soco and lime shit you drink now.) Don’t wait so long to go see a doctor about the issue. There’s nothing to be ashamed of and you’re going to feel a lot better once you go. When all else fails, go for a drive. Driving does wonders to calm your nerves. (Spoiler: you FINALLY get your license!)

Stop fighting with Pam and Jeannie so much. You guys are going to go through so many dumb fights these next ten years and go through significant periods of not speaking. It’s never worth it. You always make up and you guys remain as close as ever. You’re stuck with each other for life. Even if you were to get married tomorrow (Spoiler: you’re not getting married tomorrow), your friendship with Pam and Jeannie will most likely be the longest relationship you’ll have in your life. Be nicer to one another.

I am sorry for this part because I know you’re not an idiot so you will know exactly why I am saying this. But I can’t hold it in, and need you to know. Hang out with Grandma as much as you can. I know you already spend a lot of time with her, but do more. It’s never going to feel like you spent enough time with her. Watch more TV with her, write down more of her recipes, watch her cook, give her tons of hugs.

I know you’re freaking out right now and stressed about a lot of things. I wish I could tell you that it all gets better and by the time you’re thirty all your dreams have come true. They haven’t. In a lot of ways you’re just as confused about life as you were back then. But in SOOO many ways things are a lot better.

Work and school is freaking you out at the moment. And it’s going to be a problem for you for the majority of the next ten years. But I can let you know that things get SO much better. It takes awhile and you’re going to go through a lot of shit jobs, but by this point, you’re going to have a job you absolutely love. It’s true! You’re going to enjoy going to work every morning. I won’t spoil all the fun and tell you what it is but you wind up being incredibly happy in your career.

At 20 your love life is in shambles. Things get better there. Only about 10% better but that’s still something. You do learn a lot about dating in your twenties. Don’t stress so much and overanalyze every little thing that happens with a guy you’re dating. Trust me, most of the time there isn’t some hidden meaning behind a guy’s text message. Stop feeling so uncomfortable when taking your clothes off in front of a guy. You are NOT fat! And even when your stomach starts to get a few extra pounds, no guy cares. You are never going to come across a guy who stops talking to you after seeing you naked. Embrace your body. Don’t force things with a guy you don’t like but at the same time, stop being so picky. Keep the standards you have but don’t run the second you notice one tiny thing you don’t like about a guy. It pretty much takes you the whole ten years of your twenties to learn these things. I wish I had learned them a lot sooner.

I wish I could tell you that when you’re thirty you have an awesome apartment in the city, a job paying 6 figures, and a gorgeous husband. You don’t have any of these things. (I’ll give you a moment to cry about this tragedy.)

Now here’s the thing you need to know about all those things. They’re nice but they are not what make a happy life. Here’s what you do have by the time you’re thirty: a job you absolutely love and that provides you enough money to live on your own; amazing friends who are there for you when you need them; a wonderful relationship with your sisters; a better understanding of what you do and do not want when dating; and confidence in yourself and your abilities like you could have never imagined before.

I won’t sugar coat it, your twenties are going to be rough. There are going to be so many ups and downs. But embrace both the good times and the bad times. You will learn so much about yourself and the things you want in life. And don’t spend the whole decade stressing about the big 3-0. It’s not nearly as painful as you can imagine it.

Good luck and enjoy your twenties!

Love,

30-year-old Liz

P.S. I can’t stress this enough. Please give Grandma several giant hugs from me!

Thirty Things I Learned in My Twenties

So it’s February. This is my birthday month! The big 3-0 is exactly 16 days away (not that I’m counting or anything). I am not as stressed out as I thought I’d be. I do get a little twitch every time I realize that I’ll no longer be in my twenties but overall I think I’m handling it pretty well. I’ve even decided to actually celebrate my birthday which I don’t always like doing. I’ll be doing a dinner with a bunch of my friends.

Being almost thirty has mostly made me feel very reflective, which I guess is natural. The next series of posts will probably be a lot of me reminiscing and thinking about things that have occurred in my twenties. Today I want to talk about all the things I’ve learned in my twenties. Sure I’m not done and there are some things I’ll probably never learn. (Like folding a fitted sheet. Does anyone actually know how to do this?!?) But there are a lot of things my twenties have taught me.

Always bring something when you go to someone’s house for dinner. You can never go wrong with a bottle of wine.
Do not max out your credit cards. Splurging on certain things is fine but do not abuse your credit cards. You will regret it.
Thirty is not that old. Don’t spend your twenties stressing over turning the big 3-0.
Bad times will always get better. Humans are pretty resilient. Your twenties will be filled with a lot: rejection, heartbreak, loss of loved ones. But even if it feels like your entire life is in shambles, things will eventually get better.
Your body is at least ten times better looking than you think it is. Odds are that ten years from now you will look back and wish you had the body you do now.
You will never have it all figured out. Life is amazingly confusing. Things can change in an instant. Anyone who claims to have it all figured out is a big fat liar!
You don’t always need to give a reason why you’re no longer talking to someone. This could be friends or someone that you’re dating. Sometimes it’s nice to give people an explanation but if it’s better for your mental health to just walk away, then do it.
Eating a cupcake is not going to kill you. That one cupcake is not the reason for your muffin top. A cupcake everyday and not exercising may be the reason for that muffin top but not just one.
You will never be rich so go to that fancy restaurant or go on that vacation. Don’t completely live outside your means but don’t spend your life waiting until you have enough money to start doing things.
Your love for Nsync will never, ever go away. In fact, it will just get deeper as you get older and your 13-year-old Nsync-loving-self is further and further in the past.
Accept that student loans will be a way of life for at least the next ten years. You have to get over bitching about it eventually because they are never going away.
Store brands can be great but there are some things you don’t want to go generic on. Toilet paper is a big one. Splurge a little. It’s an essential item.
Learning how to cook a few staples is crucial. You don’t need to be the next Gordon Ramsay but you should be able to feed yourself without using Seamless all the time.
You can get the things you want but it’s going to take time and patience. That dream job is not going to just fall into your lap.
Social media is the devil if you’re going to use it as a way to compare how unaccomplished you are in your life. Never compare your real life to someone else’s highlight reel.
You will never comfortably walk in heels but sometimes they are just so worth it.
Being tan is not worth it. You may look better sun-kissed but it’s not worth the risk of skin cancer and wrinkly skin.
Turkey bacon will never be good and there is a special place in hell for people who think it’s better than REAL bacon.
A $10 bottle of wine will do the job just fine.
Staying home Saturday night is glorious! No shame in Netflix and Chilling all by yourself.
There are a lot of people in this world who have a worse life than you. It’s important to recognize just how lucky you are. However, this does not completely negate your problems, no matter how trivial they may seem. You’re allowed to be upset about things in your life even though others have it worse.
Hanging out with girls is not all annoying and drama-filled. If you still believe this myth, you may be the drama Queen, mean girl.
Getting hand-me-downs for your apartment is great. Nothing wrong with asking friends and browsing yard sales for a good deal but always go new with a mattress.
If you don’t want to do something, say no. And you don’t automatically owe the person an explanation why.
Start a savings. Even if you’re only putting away $10 a month. It’s better than nothing and it has to start somewhere.
Your friends are amazing, make time for them. If they are still around by now, they are worth at least a phone call once a week to talk.
Stop getting bangs. You hate them and always think you look bad.
The definition of success is not a universal thing. For some it’s getting married and having babies, for some it’s having an office with an amazing view, for some it’s waking up before 10am. Be happy with the things you have accomplished.
It really doesn’t matter what other people think of you. And spoiler alert: 99.9% of the time they aren’t thinking about you anyway.
Turning 30 is not the end of the world. There is still plenty of time to go back to school, get married, have babies, buy a house, land that dream job. Your twenties are just the beginning.

I’m My Own Worst Enemy When It Comes to Dating

I wish I could say that this post comes with some sort of advice or lesson learned. It doesn’t. This is a way for me to try to work out a problem I’ve always had. A problem that I cannot even begin to explain. Maybe some of you lovely readers will have some answers. If nothing else, maybe I’ll be able to find some fellow weirdos who can relate.

It all started at a very young age. Probably in the third grade with the first boy who had a crush on me. He was so sweet. When I was out sick for a week right before the holidays and my dad came to school to pick up my homework, this boy gave him a present for me. It was a stuffed animal with a note hoping that I’ll feel better soon. That was incredibly sweet and showed bravery. An 8-year-old went up to my father to give him a present for the daughter that he has a crush on. This crush went nowhere. I didn’t even hold his hand (the equivalent of getting to third base when you’re eight). I immediately friend-zoned this poor guy.

Maybe I just didn’t like this little Romeo. I’ve already went over how just being “the nice guy” isn’t enough. But I have a history of turning away the boys I’ve liked as well. My first date was in the fifth grade to see Liar, Liar with a boy I really liked. Halfway through the movie, with my date constantly trying to put his arm around me, I came to the realization that maybe I don’t like this guy after all. Needless to say, this was our first and last date. Then for my sixth grade prom, the boy I had the biggest crush on actually asked me to be his prom date! I was ecstatic for a day before I started to question whether I actually really did like him. Turns out I didn’t so I had a friend tell him that I couldn’t go to the prom with him. (I am fully aware that I am coming off as Regina George-levels of mean and maybe I was when it came to these poor boys. But I really didn’t do it intentionally.)

This cycle of being a weirdo followed me into high school. I was a loser in high school. Braces, glasses, and a back brace will do that. I didn’t stand a chance. But there were a few boys who actually showed me attention. What did I do? I bet you’ll never guess. I ran away! One boy, who was tall, cute, and played football, inexplicably showed interest in me when I was a freshman in high school. I immediately closed up whenever I saw him and would go out of my way to avoid talking to him on the bus or in the hallway. A big part of this could be attributed to confusion. I just went over what I was packing in high school. I thought that this dude was playing some kind of cruel trick by being nice to me.

I wish I could say that after I left my teenage years, things got better. They haven’t. In fact, they have just gotten worse. There have been boys that I have genuinely liked. Truly cared about. But it’s always been at a distance. I never truly let them in. The second I feel as though things may be starting to get serious, I find some excuse to bail. No person in this world is perfect so if you try hard enough you’ll always be able to come up with an excuse to leave them. There’s always something that you’re not going to like. When I find that something, I convince myself that it’s a deal breaker.

There was one boy in my life that I let get to me. One boy that I actually cried over. It was a boy I met in college. He was really into me and always tried hanging out with me but surprise, surprise I kept putting it off. This happened for two semesters. Then finally he reveals to me that he got a GF so we stopped talking. Fast forward a little over three years and he calls me out of the blue. We start dating even though he was only 3-months out of a long-term relationship with the very girl that caused us to stop talking so many years ago. This guy was a walking red flag but I didn’t care. I went along with it anyway cause I actually liked him. A boy I actually liked and wanted to spend time with! I couldn’t pass it up.

Naturally things started to go south rather quickly. The texts got less frequent, something always came up when we were supposed to hang out. Eventually things ended cause he was still hung up on his GF (they even went to dinner one night while me and him were supposedly dating). I knew he was hung up on his GF, I knew he was emotionally unavailable, but I went along with it anyway. Nonsense with this boy went on and off for a little over a year before it ended for good. I know you guys are shaking your end at me for thinking getting into a relationship with a guy right out a long-term relationship was a good idea. Trust me, I’m shaking my head at myself. Maybe the allure of him being emotionally unavailable is what pulled me in.

Things still haven’t gotten better. This February, I met a boy. A tall boy with GREAT hair, who had his own place and made me laugh. He made an effort to take me out on real, proper dates. He cooked me dinner. The first time he did, I went to his place and the table was all set and everything. He also made me feel really pretty. He was incredibly complimentary, and not in an annoying, “just saying you look nice cause I should” way. He was so genuine in his compliments. Any normal girl, after coming across a guy like this would be elated. Unfortunately, we’ve already established that I’m not a normal girl. I literally found everything to discredit this guy. “He’s really clingy.” “He texts a lot.” “He wants to hang out all the time.”

(You are completely justified in judging me while reading this and please feel free to be mean to me in the comments section. I need it.)

Fast forward a few months later, I’ve found a way to sabotage things with the boy from February and I’m getting ready to be set up with my brother-in-law’s friend. Things are good for about a week before they start to go south. Regular readers will be familiar with this one. He’s the infamous almost relationship boy. This boy has been trouble since day one yet I keep coming back. (Yep, he is still in the picture.) It’s as though him being emotionally unavailable and a dick to me, is the way to my heart.

I’ve expressed my concerns about my dating habits to the people closest to me. I fear that I’m not actually capable of falling in love. There has to be something wrong with me that I can’t find anyone I truly like. I fear that I may have met the one for me but in my own stupidity I let him get away. (I still think about the boy from February a lot and genuinely miss him.)

They all tell me the things you’re supposed to say to someone when they are single and complaining: “You just haven’t met that special someone yet. He’s out there.” I get the sentiment and it’s the right thing to say, but it’s not always true. Not everyone finds their special someone. We all know at least a few people in their forties who never settled down. And if I’m being completely honest with myself and letting my guard down, that’s one of my biggest fears. I like being single. However, I don’t want to be alone forever. It’d be nice to find that person I could share life’s ups and downs with. But sometimes I feel as though I’m not capable of it.

I am not big on New Year’s resolutions. They are stupid and usually never actually work out. But if I had to commit to one thing in the upcoming year, I’d like to be less of an idiot when it comes to dating. I’m FAR from perfect and I need to remember that so is the person I’m dating. If they treat me right and make me laugh, then I shouldn’t be going out of my way to find things to dislike about them.

A Public Service Announcement to Myself

I try to keep things lighthearted here and keep the personal stuff to a minimum. But today I need to talk about a serious issue. This is something that I am putting out there for the whole world to know so I don’t continue making the same mistake.

This is something that I do all the time despite cries from family and friends that I’ll regret it. They tell me that I won’t be happy with my decision. I remind them that it’s my life and I can do what I want. I know what’s best for me. (Spoiler: I don’t know what’s best for me.)

Ignoring the protestations from loved ones, I do the thing anyway believing that it will make me happy. And it does make me happy. But it doesn’t last long. I spend weeks, sometimes even months, regretting my decision. I vow to never make the same mistake again. Next time around, I won’t be stupid. I’ll remember what I’m feeling now and won’t make the same mistake again.

However, a few months pass and I find myself in the same situation. Once again my loved ones remind me of all the terrible choices that I’ve made in the past. How it’s never made me happy no matter how much I’ve convinced myself that it has. But I’m stupid and don’t listen. I’ve seen other people do it and they seem so happy. It’s worked out for them. Why can’t it be the same for me?

So I take a chance and make the same mistake I’ve made 57 million times before. I think that somehow this time it will be different. This time I’ll finally get it right and be happy with my decision. But I’m never happy. I always regret my decision and cannot wait for it to pass!

Of course, I am talking about getting bangs! Every single time I go to get my hair cut I tell the stylist that I definitely want bangs. I love bangs. I love the way they look on me. Please cut some stupid bangs on my hair!

Why? Why do I do this to myself? I like the bangs for maybe two days after the haircut then I spend the next month or two just waiting for the bangs to grow out. Then I go in for another haircut and get bangs all over again.

It’s a vicious cycle and it needs to stop now. I am putting this out there for all the world to see. So I can be held accountable for the next time I make the dumb mistake, convinced that this time I’ll love my bangs and won’t regret my decision.

I am Going to Live Forever

Guys, I have some really great news! Like fantastic news! It turns out that I am going to live forever. OK, not exactly forever cause that’s impossible, unless you’re a vampire or Betty White (and I’m not intimidating enough to be the former or cool enough to be the latter), but I am going to be living for a very, very long time. This is great news for my anxiety-riddled self. I’m always convinced that I have some new disease that’s going to kill me suddenly. It’s one of the main reasons I can’t watch House, ER, Grey’s Anatomy, or any of those other hospital shows: it just gives me new illnesses to obsess over. I will never get over the House episode where Michelle Trachtenberg has a mysterious illness that turns out to be a tick stuck inside her vagina cause she had some sexy time in the woods. (This is a real episode and one of the main reasons I will never be going camping with my imaginary boyfriend.)

This is the other reason I don’t ever need to go camping.

Sorry I lost my train of thought for a second. I got distracted by camping and Betty White. Back to my great news and how I am going to live for a REALLY long time. So a story broke today that brought so much joy to my little heart! Normally stories on the Internet make me want to adopt 25 dogs, move to Antarctica, and never interact with humans again. But this one was different. This story is about a 110-year-old woman who says the key to a long life is beer and shots. Three beers a day and one shot of scotch a day to be exact.

All you fools with your eating kale and running marathons. You all feel pretty dumb right now, don’t you? Put the green juice down right now (no drink should ever be green unless it’s Saint Patrick’s Day anyway) and have a beer, or three! I am on the fast track to living a very long life and I didn’t even know it. Downing three beers and a shot every day is easy work for me. I wonder if I double it, will I live to 220-years-old? I’ll just quit my day job and make drinking a full time career. I can write a book about it and everything. I’ll be the Jillian Michaels for degenerates.

Besides letting you guys know that you can expect posts from me for the next 70 years, this post also served as a way to get this blog back on track. Between being sad over dumb boys and stressing over my anxiety, I lost my focus a bit. But I am back on track and happier than ever now that I know I’m gonna live forever!

Am I Thirty Yet

Hopefully by the time I'm thirty I'll have this all figured out.