I used to be able to fall asleep anywhere, anytime. Sadly, unless I am drunk, this is not the case for me anymore. Now I need at least 3 hours of TV watching. Ten trips to the bathroom because I have to pee or feel like I have to pee. Then it’s about 7 hours of thinking about every different direction my life can go in the next five years. After this is done, I have about 3 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Clearly, sleeping is a FANTASTIC experience for me. I envy those who fall asleep the second their heads hit the pillow. Please tell me your secrets!

I do a shit ton of thinking before I finally fall asleep. I actually do some of my best thinking before I go to sleep. You have no idea how many blog post ideas I’ve come up with while trying to go to sleep. If I was able to remember even half of the posts I’ve thought up, I’d be writing my 1,000th post right now. Here are just a few of the thoughts that go through my brain when I’m trying my hardest to fall asleep.

1. Someone needs to invent a device that can screen grab images from my mind so I can look at them in the morning.
2. Oh God, I am going to have to start paying off my student loans again soon.
3. Why did you just think of that? Think of something happy.
4. Ok, what am I going to eat for lunch tomorrow?
5. Maybe I’ll pick something up on my way to work.
6. I should really get something healthy. Maybe I’ll get a salad.
7. Ooh, maybe I’ll go running in the morning before work as well.
8. Nah, I won’t be getting up early. But I can always go running after work. I don’t get home too late and the weather’s been getting nicer.
9. Who the hell do you think you’re kidding you delusional psycho? You’re not eating a salad tomorrow and you’re definitely not going running.
10. Hahaha, I can’t even fight myself on this one.
11. I’ll probably get a burger tomorrow. I’ve been wanting to try Wahlburger’s.
12. And when I get home it’s more Game of Thrones for me. Maybe I can finish season 4.
13. Still cannot fathom that it took me so long to watch that show. I feel like a functioning member of society now.
14. Keri is partially to blame for my finally watching it. She just wouldn’t shut up about Jon Snow so I had to see what all the fuss was about.
15. But if I’m being honest, I find Jon Snow really boring. His whole storyline is pretty dull.
16. And he’s not even the best looking on the show. The Mother of Dragons is by far the hottest on the show.
17. She’s insane looking and makes me question my sexuality whenever she’s on the screen.
18. She also has such a nice body.
19. I bet she doesn’t eat burgers for lunch all the time and skip working out every damn day.
20. Maybe if I ate less burgers and more salads, I’d have a nicer body as well.
21. God dammit! How am I on this again? Shut up brain! Either go to sleep or think of something happy.
22. Spring is finally here! That’s a very happy thought.
23. Before I know it I’ll be able to wear dresses and sandals when I go out. Can’t wait for that.
24. And I have so much fun stuff planned in the next coming months.
25. Can’t wait until I go to D.C. with Keri. It’s going to be so nice to just get away for a couple of days.
26. I gotta start researching all the great places to eat and cool places to see when I’m there.
27. Food is probably one of the most important things I care about when I’m going on vacation.
28. Yea, that’s cause you’re a fat ass who loves food a little too much.
29. Holy shit! Would you shut up!
30. I wonder what time it is?
31. OMG! It’s 2 in the morning. Stop thinking and go to sleep already!

*On a very serious note, does anyone know of any remedies that don’t include pills or alcohol that will help one fall asleep quickly?