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What’s Been Happening the Past Two Months

So I haven’t kept up with my blogging. Shocking, I know! I am going to give credit to my girl Wendi over at This, That and the Other Thang for inspiring me to finally get back on the blogging track. (By the way, do yourself a favor and go follow her. She’s the best.)

This summer has been crazy busy for me. I can’t remember the last day where I had absolutely nothing planned and don’t know when my next free day will be. But I’m definitely not complaining. This summer has been insanely fun even when the heat’s become unbearable. (If we could stop with the 90 degree weather, that’d be great!)

Even though I’ve been really busy I want to stop neglecting this blog. But first I’d like to play some catch up with all the things that have been going on with me lately and all the ridiculous thoughts I’ve had.

Nothing made me realize just how old I am more than my most recent trip to Miami. I went to Miami for a bachelorette party two weeks ago. It was so much fun. I drank some awesome drinks, ate delicious food, and lounged by the beach/pool all day. All in all it was a fantastic vacation but oh boy did it take a lot out of me! Partying for three nights straight was more than my 30-year-old self could handle. I’m pretty sure I got all my partying out for the rest of 2016.

I climbed an actual mountain last month. Mount Tammany on the Delaware Water Gap to be exact. It was tiring and there were a few times while climbing up that I thought I was going to die but ultimately it was so worth it. The view was amazing and when we got back to the bottom there was a river where we could go swimming. While I despise exercising normally, I definitely think that climbing mountains could be my thing. If you don’t walk away from the new Ghostbusters a little in love with Kate McKinnon, I question whether you’re really human or not. Seriously though, go see the new Ghostbusters movie. The trailer doesn’t do it justice at all. It was highly entertaining and Kate McKinnon is AMAZING!!

I hate all of my family and friends on FB. If you think I may be referring to you, then I am definitely referring to you. Just SHUT UP! You are all idiots and absolutely no one cares about your political views. Also, let me introduce you to the site snopes.com. Let it become your new best friend.

Speaking of political rants, this entire election just leaves me sad and angry. I don’t want to get into it too much cause I don’t want to be like my dumb FB friends I was talking about before, but this election is just depressing. I genuinely fear for the country I live in.

And that’s what you missed. Well there’s definitely some other stuff going on but I’ll save those things for their own posts. For now I’m just happy to be back and can’t wait to start blogging again.

I Am Personally Offended by This Thing That Has Nothing to Do With Me

Full Disclosure: Not everyone may agree with today’s post because it seems we live in a world where the PC thing to do is to get offended by anything possible.

I don’t agree with people when they look back at the 50’s and call it the “good ole’ days.” I’m so happy to be growing up in a time when people are not only encouraged to be themselves but celebrated for it. Sure, discrimination is still alive. Just look at the comments section of any article ever written on the internet and you’ll see that hate still prevails. You can’t erase ignorance and stupidity overnight. However, we have made so much progress. And I have a lot of faith in future generations to continue to become more and more accepting.

Unfortunately, some people have taken this way too far. I find myself on a daily basis reading an article and thinking, “Really? Who cares? Are we really getting this worked up over something so trivial?” Usually this happens when I read something on Buzzfeed, who likes to pull a few tweets from angry complainers and act like the whole world is outraged.

The cool thing at the moment is to be offended. If you’re not offended, then you’re an ignorant, privileged, asshole who is clearly out of touch with reality. But why wouldn’t you get offended these days? It’ll allow you to get your fifteen minutes of fame and you may even get a gift card out of it.

The latest story that has made me question if I’m genuinely missing something is the one about the girl in the Old Navy t-shirt. I’m sure by now you’ve heard about it, but if not, here it is.

As soon as I read the story, it struck me as someone making a mountain out of a molehill. A mother and a daughter made a statement about a tank top and this woman decides that she’s personally been victimized. So now we have to monitor the comments we make about clothing when we’re shopping because we may be viewed as insensitive? I feel bad for the woman in this story but not because of the comments made by the mother and daughter. I feel bad for her well-being if comments said by strangers about an article of clothing are going to send her over the edge.

If a tank top is big and someone calls it big, how is that offensive? I wonder how this story would have been perceived if it was about someone making comments about a size-small article of clothing. “This looks like it should be in Babies R Us.” “This wouldn’t go past my ankle.” Comments like these are made every day. People are allowed to make general observations about clothes while shopping.

I was once shopping at Forever 21 and overheard these girls make the following statement about leggings, “These are for those skinny bitches with no ass.” Well this skinny bitch with no ass was looking through those leggings so I can buy a pair. If I had known better, I should have taken a picture of myself in those leggings and posted a thesis about how I was personally victimized by the comments made by random strangers; comments that were not directed towards me but towards clothing. I probably could have gotten myself a lot more traffic to this blog and maybe a $50 gift card.

This woman being happy and confident in her tank top is awesome. Women are bombarded with enough Photoshopped bodies that feeling comfortable in your own skin is an amazing thing. I applaud her for that. However, she could have done so without trying to bring down a mother and daughter who probably weren’t even aware of her presence in the store. I’ve seen comments calling the mother a horrible parent. Again, I have to ask, how does calling a big shirt big make someone a horrible mother? If I ever have a child, I’ll be sure to have them refrain from making comments about inanimate objects so I don’t accidentally offend someone.

If You Don’t Want Nude Photos Leaked, Don’t Take Nude Photos

If you don’t want your nude photos shown all over the internet, don’t take nude photos. If you don’t want to get raped, don’t wear revealing clothing. If you don’t want your identity stolen, don’t use credit cards. If you don’t want to get robbed, don’t buy things. If you don’t want to get electrocuted, don’t have any electronics. If you don’t want to get punched in the face, don’t have a face.

Enough! Enough with victim blaming, no matter the crime. If your first response to the photo leak was to shout that people shouldn’t take naked photos, just stop! If your first response was to proclaim how you never have and never will take nude photos, congratulations! Would you and your high horse like a cookie?

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe this is a concept that some people can’t understand but where I come from, when a crime is committed the person to blame is the criminal who committed said crime.

But sadly we leave in a society where that’s not always the case, especially when the crime is of a sexual nature. People will bend over backwards to find reasons the victims brought it upon themselves.

In this case, these reasons are as follows: Those celebrities shouldn’t have taken the photos in the first place. They should have covered their faces. They were stupid for saving the photos on iCloud.

Now don’t get me wrong, that is some solid advice. This is a reminder for everyone that it is harder and harder to keep things private these days. This became big news because of the people it happened to but even us common folk get our private photos/videos leaked on the Internet. However, if your first and only response is one of those reasons and not that this is a gross violation of privacy and the person who hacked the photos is to blame, then you are part of the problem.

That should be the biggest and only problem about this photo leak: Privacy! The content of the photos should be a non-issue here. It’s just boobs, but to some people that seems to be the biggest problem. Because don’t forget ladies, the second you decide to take control of your own sexuality, you’re not doing what society expects of you. Your sexuality is a prop and commodity for others to do what they please with. You break away from that mold and expect to be condemned.

I am sick and tired of people being blamed when a crime is committed against them. Let’s stop with the victim shaming once and for all. The only person who should be blamed when a crime is committed is the criminal.

(Sorry that this post is kind of all over the place. I started school on Thursday so I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep. And I have to go to the dentist today so I have been extra cranky. I promise something upbeat for my next post!)

Why Are We All Getting Up In Arms Over the Ice Bucket Challenge

So I’ve already let you guys know that I don’t think too highly of Facebook. The past week Facebook has been even more annoying than usual and it’s all because of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. And no, it’s not the videos of my friends getting drenched with ice water that’s irritating. Those are usually entertaining. The thing I have a problem with is the people constantly complaining about the latest social media trend.

The premise for the Ice Bucket Challenge is pretty simple. I’m sure most of you are familiar but here’s a crash course for those who do not know about it yet. Once you are nominated, you have 24 hours to post a video of yourself being doused with ice water or you have to donate $100 to the ALS Association. If you decide to make a video, you still donate an amount of your choice and nominate three of your friends to do the challenge.

Seems like a fun gimmick that raises a ton of money for a good cause, right? Who in their right mind would have a problem with this? Well seems like a ton of people, who must be REALLY fun at parties, have a lot of animosity towards this challenge. I’ve seen a slew of people on my FB feed complaining about the abundance of videos, claiming that the posters are just looking for attention.

And a part of that is true. I bet a bunch of people are looking for a chance to get nominated so they can post a hilarious video of themselves getting covered with freezing cold water! Everything we put on social media is to get attention. But when it’s raising money for a horrible disease, why are we complaining? I’d rather see 100 Ice Bucket Challenge videos on my newsfeed than the usual selfies or “OMG I hate Mondays!” posts.

The bottom line is that this trend is raising money and the videos are helping. Last year from July 29 to August 19, the ALS Association raised $1.9 million. The same period this year? They have raised $22.9 million. People aren’t making these videos in an attempt to get out of donating. (Unless they are really shitty people. In that case, they should just get a bucket thrown at their head.) And the videos are a way to pass along the information and get more participants and donations.

Let’s stop shitting on people who want to have a little fun while donating to a good cause.

And one more thing, because I haven’t posted in awhile and I’m feeling generous, here’s Tom Hiddleston doing the Ice Bucket Challenge.

Any trend that gives me this photo is OK in my book.

If the Author of 50 Shades of Grey* Was Honest in Her Writing

The office - I don't get it. I just don't get it

This is me during the whole 50 Shades hysteria.

So I finally watched the 50 Shades of Grey trailer. It was more out of curiosity than anything else. There is much I can say about the trailer but I am not going to get into it here. Sure the girl playing Ana looks like she’s about 35 and Christian Grey could have been so good-looking if they just slapped some friggen facial hair on him. What I found interesting was that it looked like a trailer for a horror/thriller film. Christian Grey looked like a psychopath getting ready to murder his next victim. I hope this means the movies will be portraying Christian for what he really is: an obsessive, stalker, sociopath.

I remember expressing my disdain for this book and someone had the audacity to say to me, “I think you need to experience more to enjoy this book.” At the time, I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. Of course I came up with the perfect response in my head later that night: I think you need to read more to realize that these books are crap. What was this guy trying to imply anyway? Because I’ve never been locked up in a room and had anal beads shoved up my ass, I couldn’t possibly understand the complex story the author was trying to tell? Lolita is one of my favorite books of all time but this 50 Shades of Shit novel is just too taboo for me! That seems about right.

There are some real problems that can be discussed at length about this book. The way that women idolize Christian Grey is a big one when his only redeeming qualities are that he’s rich and good-looking. And the rich thing is a bit iffy. If you came across Donald Trump and he acted as psychotic as Christian Grey, even the most shameless of gold diggers would probably be like, “I don’t care how many diamond encrusted dildos this guy wants to buy me. He’s insane, I’m out.”

As someone who loves books more than anything in the world, what bothers me the most about 50 Shades of Grey is the writing. Holy guacamole is it bad! I have a serious problem with fanfiction becoming published work. (It’s the same reason I think City of Bones is a joke of a book.) Now, this isn’t knocking all fanfiction and those who write it. And it isn’t saying that just because someone writes fanfiction they don’t have the talent to become a published author. I just don’t think that people should be making money off of stories where the themes and characters were taken from someone else’s work. That’s right, people. Your beloved novel is basically Twilight 2.0. You all are going crazy over the human version of Bella and Edward banging.

Still undecided about whether or not you should read this book? The short answer is, “you shouldn’t.” But if you don’t want to take the advice from a random stranger (even though you should cause I really know what I’m talking about), I’m gonna sum up what the book is about in just a few short paragraphs and save you the trouble.

Christina Grey at Work
Look at me. I’m so important. I own an entire empire at such a young age. How you ask? I have no idea seeing as I barely do any work. Excuse me for a second, I need to go send an email. Haha, my hot secretary probably thinks I’m doing very important work right now. I’m really just emailing my girlfriend telling her how I want to tie her up and smack her around when I get home. *checks watch* Well, I’ve been here a whole five minutes. That’s enough work for the CEO for one week. Gotta go now and spank my girlfriend for a few hours.

Ana and Orgasms
I have a magical vagina. Oh excuse me, I mean down there area. You’ll never actually hear me call my down there area by its proper name. Now back to this magical “down there area” I have. Christian spanks me and I cum. He says my name and I cum. He looks at me and I cum. If I go into the bathroom after he’s taken a shit and smell it, I cum.

Ana and her Self-Esteem
I’m so plain-looking. My best guy friend is basically in love with me. I wish I could be beautiful like my roommate. Ya know that guy I keep comparing to a Greek God? He’s totally in love with me. Wah, why am I not pretty? Oh, male boss. Naturally he’s obsessed with me and wants me. So let’s see: I am completely average looking and have no discernible personality, yet everyone I come across that has a penis is instantly in love with me. Seems legit!

Christian and his Stalker Tendencies
That girl I just met. I like her. She pleases me. I shall have her. Time to call a private detective to tell me everything there is to know about her. Haha, silly girl doesn’t want to work for me and wants to get a job on her own in a different company. I don’t think so. I’m gonna just go buy that company now since I’m the richest person in the world and can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I cannot believe this girl thinks she can have a life on her own. Doesn’t she know who I am? I own her now.

Ana and her Inner Goddess and Subconscious
I bet you thought my boyfriend was the crazy one? Ha, think again! I clearly suffer from some multiple personality disorder. But it’s so cute. Look at my Inner Goddess! She’s doing a salsa dance in the corner cause Christian just fisted me at the dinner table. My subconscious wasn’t too happy. She was weeping over a Jane Austen novel trying to ignore the hand in her ass.

So that’s it people. That’s the entire novel. You’re welcome. For those of you still interested in seeing the movie, I’d like to tell you about this little thing we call porn. You should check it out. You’ll find better story lines and most likely better acting.

*To stop myself from being overly obnoxious, I refrained from calling the book and movie 50 Shades of Shit the whole post. It was difficult but I did it!

Facebook When You First Joined Vs. Now

I am going to start off by saying that the main reason I’m posting this is to let you guys know that I’ve created a FB page for this little ol’ blog. However, I wasn’t going to just put a post with some shameless self promotion. You deserve better than that. But a little bit of self promotion never killed anyone, right? You guys should definitely check out the page for more of my random thoughts and funny photos! It’s just going to be more nonsense from me but if you like this blog, then you’ll like the page.

Now onto a little bit about Facebook. I joined FB back in 2005. (Cue the “I’m so old” speech.) Back when I joined, a valid college email was required. Now, everyone and their mother is on FB. In fact, it’s mostly just mothers on FB. Teenagers are no where to be found. We recently had high school interns at my job. Since I handle my company’s social media, we started talking about FB. One of the interns, a 17-year-old Junior, mentioned that she might have FB but she can’t really remember. She’s sure it’s still up somewhere but she can’t even remember the login information. I cringed. Facebook to them is what Myspace was to us! (Fun Fact: I actually think my Myspace account is still living somewhere on the internet.)

While we all still have our Facebook accounts and will probably never get rid of them (it’s just too easy to plan events with FB), it’s definitely not the same as it used to be.

Friend Requests
Before: Every friend request would get approved. I’m looking for a goal of 5,000 friends so everyone will know just how “popular” I am.
Now: I don’t care if we have 20 mutual friends, if I don’t know you from real life, request denied!

Personal Information
Before: Gotta make sure that my correct name and email address are in there. How else will long lost friends from elementary school find me?
Now: Ha, you want my email address and telephone number FB? In your dreams! And since you require some sort of name, how about I use my stripper name? (Everyone has a stripper name, right?!)

Tagged Photos
Before: Oh snap, gotta put up those new photos of me from my birthday celebration this weekend! Look at how many shots I took!
Now: I think this photo of a baby llama would make an excellent profile picture. It kind of resembles me. Went to a bachelorette party this weekend. All those photos must be burned. Any idiot that tries to upload them to FB is getting stabbed.

Drama
Before: I am angry with my friend. I think I’ll post some passive-aggressive status about shady friends. If anyone asks me about this, I’ll respond with, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Now: I’m hoping that we’ve all matured a bit and actually confront people in real life if a problem arises.

Your Wall
Before every other post looked like this: “Day drinking!” “Partyin’ it up in the club!” “Finals, Finals, Finals!”
Now every post looks like this: Babies. Babies. Babies. Wedding. Babies. Engagement. Babies. Babies. Wedding. Babies. (Throw a few more babies in there for accuracy.)

Poking
Before: Someone just poked me. I have no idea why that is or what that means. I’m just going to ignore it.
Now: Someone just poked me. I have no idea why that is or what that means. I’m just going to ignore it.*

Stalking
Before: Ah, just became friends with someone I find attractive. I will spend the next five hours going through every single picture he has.
Now: Ah, just became friends with someone I find attractive. I will spend the next five hours going through every single picture he has.*

*I guess some things never change.