Twentysomething

The Three Words Every Single Girl Should Live By

Dating can be really rough. I may be out of the dating scene now but I remember exactly what it’s like. So when my single friends complain about yet another failed date, I know what they are going through. I feel your pain!

Dating in this day and age takes a lot of resilience. Between cancelled plans and unwanted dick pics, it is so easy to get discouraged. It’s almost impossible not to become a bit cynical. But I happen to think that a little bit of cynicism in the dating game is a good thing. You never want to be too naive and believe every word that comes out of a guy’s mouth. Unfortunately, too many people do not have your best interests in mind.

When you’ve been single for awhile, it’s easy to start thinking about giving up. If you realize that maybe you don’t want to be in a relationship, then do give up. Relationships and monogamy are not for everyone and there’s nothing wrong with wanting something different than what society deems “normal.”

But if you are someone who genuinely wants a significant other, then you have to persevere. Dating takes a whole lot of time and patience. And sometimes it requires changing things up a bit. We all make mistakes when it comes to dating. You just need to be able to recognize these mistakes and make the proper changes.

Often times it’s all about learning to date smarter. Below are three words that I think every single girl should live by if they want to make their dating life better and stop wasting time.

Honest – This is all about being honest with yourself and what you really want from a guy. It’s too easy to settle when someone comes along who you sort of like. We’ve all been in that situation. The guy is nice enough and you don’t find him ugly so you continue to go on dates with him. There are no real sparks there but you convince yourself that they will happen eventually. You even start to convince yourself that you like the guy even though deep down you know there is something missing. Stop doing this. It’s mean to yourself and it’s really mean to the guy. Don’t settle just because you don’t want to be the single girl anymore. If you have to convince yourself and your friends that you actually do like a person, you don’t. Just be honest with yourself and admit it isn’t there and move on.

Aggressive – There is no point in beating around the bush anymore. If you like a guy, let him know. The days of playing hard to get or waiting for him to call are over. You’re a woman on a mission and you should’t let any antiquated dating rule stop you. If you’re dating cause you want a committed relationship, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell the guy. I’m not telling you to break out your wedding binder and start naming your children on the first date. That’s not being aggressive; that’s being crazy. But there’s nothing wrong with being upfront with your intentions and what you’re looking for. If this scares the guy away, then he’s not the one. And please don’t be afraid to make the first move.

Cutthroat – If you’re serious about dating and don’t want to waste your time anymore, you need to be cutthroat. This means no more making excuses and ignoring obvious red flags. A guy you’ve gone on 2-3 dates with should not be on his fifth or sixth chance. Canceling plans, waiting days to respond to texts. This is not acceptable behavior. If a guy is into you, he will show you. If you have to question his feelings, then it’s most likely because they are not there. Be cutthroat. Treat your love life like the Hunger Games. The odds are not in the dudes favor.

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Online Dating Is Not for the Weak

When I started dating my bf, first and foremost I was happy that I found someone that I genuinely liked and who actually liked me back. But right after that feeling was the relief that I was able to delete any and all online dating apps.

Dating in this day and age requires online dating. In my opinion, it’s a necessary evil. For some reason, online dating still has a stigma around it. Plenty of people are embarrassed to admit they met their SO by swiping right. But here’s the truth, plenty of relationships, plenty of marriages these days start with a match on an app.

I do not pretend to be an authority on anything. (I ate a pint of Halo Top ice cream for dinner last night so I would take anything I say with a grain of salt.) But I do know a few things about online dating. I spent a large portion of my twenties downloading apps, making profiles, swiping right, and doing all that other online dating nonsense. It’s tedious and can often feel like a second job, but sometimes it actually works. While I technically knew my bf in high school, we probably wouldn’t have found ourselves in each other’s lives again if it weren’t for the help of OK Cupid. I know of quite a few relationships that have started with both parties swiping right.

When you’re in the thick of the online dating scene, it can be exhausting and soul crushing. (I cannot even begin to count how many times I deleted an app just to redownload it a few days later.) I want to try to make things a little easier for you. Below are some tips that should help online dating go a little smoother.

Spend a little time on your profile. I know it’s tempting to put a fact or two and end it with, “If you want to know more, ask!” No one wants to spend a ton of time filling out their online profile but don’t leave it completely empty. Your profile is a chance to showcase your personality. You can use it as an outlet to let others know why you’re on the site and what you’re looking for. It doesn’t always work but doing this can help to weed out some of the people just looking for a hookup. Also, it’s always a good sign if a match messages you by referencing something you mentioned in your profile. This shows that they actually took the time to read what you have to say.

On the same end, take notice when someone puts effort in their profile. You’re not going to spend time filling out your profile if you’re not serious about online dating. Be weary of the profiles that have just a few sentences. This usually means the dude (or dudette) isn’t looking for anything too serious.

The block button is your friend. Coming across creeps on dating apps is inevitable. I hate to break it to you but it’s going to happen. You’re also going to come across people that will become hostile seemingly out of nowhere. The good news is that you do not have to deal with them. The block button is there for a reason. Do not waste your time responding to someone when they show signs of being a jerk. Block them and move on.

Don’t use an incredibly old photo. My motto when it comes to online pics is to use something where you look good but not TOO good. Your picture should look like you the way you look on a regular day. So don’t use a photo from your sister’s wedding when your hair and makeup were professionally done. Let your date be pleasantly surprised by how you look in person. And leave any photo that’s over two years out of the profile completely.

Don’t let it turn into a texting relationship. When you finally match with someone, I think there should be a time frame for when you actually meet in person. Of course, you don’t want to do it right away. You gotta give yourself some time to determine if the person’s a psycho. But don’t let it turn into a texting relationship. I had some guys who I’d speak to every day for months but we never actually met. Either they wouldn’t even initiate plans or plans would fall through at the last minute. If it’s been a month of talking but still no face-to-face meetups, drop it. Dating is time consuming as it is. Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t want to actually meet you.

Be cautious on where the first date is held. Do not get into a strangers car. Do not go somewhere unfamiliar with a stranger. NEVER go into a strangers house. I cannot stress this enough. The person you’re meeting online could potentially be the love of your life or they could be the next subject of America’s Most Wanted. Finding out which category they fit in will take some time. Until you’re convinced this person isn’t going to murder you, do not go anywhere with them alone. Even if they insist, travel to the date on your own. Make sure you’re meeting up at a place with other people and always let someone else know where you’re going. I may sound paranoid but as great as online dating can be, it can also be incredibly scary. You can never be too careful.

If you do not feel anything after the first date, move on. Dating is a numbers game. The more people who meet, the more likely you are to meet someone you have a connection with. This is why keeping someone around just for kicks or cause you sorta like them is a complete waste of your time and the other person’s.

Don’t take anything personally. People can be mean. They can especially be mean online. There is a lack of intimacy when you’re communicating through a screen. It’s hard for some people to remember that there’s an actual human being on the other end. I think that this is what makes some people meaner online than they would ever be in person. If someone is being mean to you, just block them and move on.

Do not get discouraged. Online dating can be exhausting. You will go on way more bad dates than good dates. Try not to let it get to you. Remember that you’re not alone and that the guy or girl for you is out there. It just may take a few more swipes to find them.

If you need a break, take one. If you’re a single person who wants to find someone, you have no choice but to put yourself out there. I know it’s tiring but you’re not going to meet the love of your life on the couch. However, with that being said, if you need a break, take it! I wasn’t kidding when I said online dating can be exhausting. If you feel that you’re getting burnt out, take some time to decompress.

Things Far More Scarier Than Halloween Spooks

Happy Halloween! I love Halloween. Besides Christmas, it’s my favorite holiday. You get to dress up in fun costumes. Watch scary movies. Eat as much candy as you want. What’s not to love about Halloween?

It’s also during the best time of the year. Halloween is in October when Fall really starts to make it’s grand entrance.

But the best part of Halloween is all the spookiness. The scary movies and the haunted attractions are my favorite. Halloween can be a pretty scary holiday. However, as scary as Halloween can be, there are things in life far scarier. Basically adulting and life in general is worse than any Freddy movie ever made. Below are just a few of the many things scarier than Halloween can ever be:

  1. Hearing the words, “We need to talk.”
  2. Paying bills.
  3. Any strange sound coming from your car. This usually means an unexpected trip to the mechanic which is always costly.
  4. Stepping on the scale.
  5. Making a doctor’s appointment.
  6. Going to the doctor.
  7. Waiting for the doctor to get back to you with test results.
  8. Seeing the cop car behind you turn on their flashing lights.
  9. Visiting the Instagram page of someone you should not be stalking and accidentally liking a pic from three years ago.
  10. Seeing a bug in the shower when you’re naked, half-blind cause you have no glasses, and basically defenseless.
  11. Thinking you’ve killed a bug and then have it drop somewhere after removing the paper towel.
  12. Getting a phone call in the middle of the night from a family member. (Grandma doesn’t drunk dial.)
  13. Anytime you have to set your alarm clock earlier than 7am.
  14. When you go shopping for only healthy food cause you’re feeling motivated but later that day all you want is junk food and your fridge is filled with only green shit.
  15. The first of the month when rent is due. 
  16. Student loans.
  17. Running into someone from high school at the supermarket. 
  18. The supermarket the day before a holiday. 
  19. The mall during the entire month of December. 
  20. Running out of wine. 

*What are some things you find much scarier than Halloween?

     

    TBT: My Trouble With Stitches

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    It’s been awhile since I’ve done a TBT post. So here goes.

    I like to boast about my lack of trips to the emergency room growing up. I never broke a bone. ::knock on wood:: Never even sprained anything. ::again knock on wood:: (You better have knocked on wood after reading that. If you didn’t and I break something, I’m blaming you.)

    There was only one thing that made me go to the hospital as a child: stitches. I always found a way to rupture my skin deep enough that a band-aid couldn’t help.

    This Monday, there were two things I wanted to do when I got home from work: cook dinner and relax. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans for me. While my yummy crispy chicken was in the oven, I decided to do some dishes and dry them. I was drying a glass when it shattered in my hand almost severing a chunk of skin from my ring finger. (This is why I don’t clean. It’s dangerous!)

    Quick side note about the glass: Yes it was a wine glass. To quote my friend Pam, “It’s the ones we love the most that hurt us the most.”

    Everything after that happened pretty quickly. My bf took one look at the blood squirting from my finger and knew our night of relaxation had to be postponed. Three shots, several stitches and one immobile right hand later, I was home and in pain.

    I am not one of those people who posts a photo of themselves on the beach less than a week ago and calls it a TBT. That story was just meant as a set up. I am very familiar with stitches. This wasn’t my first rodeo. However, I was able to go 26 years inbetween stitch sessions. Pretty impressive for someone who is as clumsy as I am.

    When I was a kid, I made an art of getting stitches. It started before I was even one-years-old when I was first learning how to walk. My first trip to the ER happened when I was still doing the walking-like-a-penguin, need-to-hold-onto-everything-or-I’ll-fall thing.

    Eleven-month-old Liz was wobbling along in the living room playing with a coaster. (I was a weird child. Coasters are fun!) I had one hand on the coffee table and the other holding a coaster. (I bet you sang that like Alanis. If you don’t know who Alanis is, I love you but you may be too young for my blog.) At this time in my life, I wasn’t ridden with anxiety yet, I was still a brave soul. So when I reached the end of the coffee table, I thought I could make it to the end table just a few feet away.

    I couldn’t. The second my hand moved away from the safety of the coffee table, I went down. Down went my little body and down went my little mouth right into the coaster. Apparently, this coaster was made of steel because it ruptured the inside of my mouth.

    That was just the beginning of cuts above my face. My second foray into stitches was a direct result of me being a little shit. My childhood home in Brooklyn had these brick steps on the stoop. They were very dangerous and my sisters and I were always told to be careful. We rarely listened. The stoop also had a railing that was incredibly fun to slide down.

    I spent many hours climbing up and down this railing with no incident. At 5-years-old, it’s natural to think you’re invincible. Nothing can ever hurt you, until it does. That’s the only way to learn your lesson. And learn a lesson I did.

    I was playing on the railing when my mom told me to get down before I get hurt. I made a face and kept right on climbing. Not even two seconds later, Bam! I fell head first onto the concrete. I actually remember parts of this myself and not just from retellings. When I first fell, I blacked out. I do remember randomly waking up on a hospital bed as a doctor was examining my head.

    Once again, it was determined that stitches were necessary. I still have a small bald spot at my hairline reminding me that I’m a dumbass and should be more cautious.

    My last adventure with stitches before this week was interesting. It happened when I was 6-years-old and I was sitting in the back seat of my uncle’s car. Apparently I thought I was a dog, so I had my head out the window. This was also around the time when I started morphing into my true clumsy self. As my head was out the window enjoying the breeze, my elbow leaned on the button to close the window. Not wanting to have my head chopped off, I pulled my head back in. I just wasn’t fast enough.

    As my tiny head was making its way back into the safety of the car, my mouth got stuck. The car window closed on my bottom lip, almost ripping a corner of it completely off. (To this day, I am still not sure exactly how this happened. Nobody is.)

    I sat in the backseat of my uncle’s car screaming my head off with blood pouring down my face. The screaming kept up for the next several hours. My dumbass at one point started shouting that I needed a bandaid. My lip was hanging off but I thought a simple bandage would fix it right up. Brilliant!

    Having stitches on my face at 6-years-old was not fun. It was probably the first time I remember feeling self-conscious. So both my anxiety and confidence issues can be traced back to my stitches. And now I can add a fear of wine glasses to the list. Fun!

    Do you have any TBT stitches stories?

    Reasons for Blogging

    OMG you guys, guess what?! This post is number 100! Considering that I’ve been blogging since April of 2014 (over 1100 days), I shouldn’t be too proud of that number. But Goddamit, let me have this!

    It’s been quite the journey. 33,415 views. 21,935 visitors. 2,365 comments. 2,304 followers. 100 posts.

    You guys have been with me through a lot. Multiple dates. Endless heartaches. Moving struggles. Falling in love with someone new. Going back to school. Starting a new job. Struggling, figuring it out, and then struggling again with this whole adult thing.

    When I started, I assumed my sisters would read it, a few of my friends I harassed, maybe my mom. I never imagined I’d actually make friends from blogging and connect with so many different people.

    I want to thank every single person who took the time out to visit, share, like, or comment. You have no idea how much it means to me.

    You guys allow me to keep this little diary running. And that’s really all my blog is: a personal diary that I’ve decided to share with the world. I can look back at posts and remember exactly what I was going through during that period. As someone who stopped keeping an actual diary at the age of 8, it’s a really great thing to have.

    For my 100th post, I’d like to look back at some of my favorite posts. (Is that lazy? It may be a little lazy but this is my blog so I’ll do what I want. I promise I’ll try to make it interesting.) I wanna look back at my favorite posts and relive how things were then. Recognize how much has changed and how in many cases things are still exactly the same.

    Am I too young to be so bitter? – While this isn’t my first post ever, I feel like this is the one that started it all. With 588 likes and 369 comments, it is by far my most popular. This post makes me laugh now because I’m complaining about student debt and just a few months later I went back to school and doubled the amount I owe.

    Questions I ask myself regularly since becoming an “adult” – Guess what? These are still questions I ask myself regularly. Anyone have the answers?

    Returning to school after a long break – Ah, returning back to school. At this point, it seems like a lifetime ago. But I remember how stressful and overwhelmed I felt. It was basically an entire year and a half of wanting to drown myself in bleach.

    Getting in a new relationship after being single forever – The introduction to JR. This was a post I was so nervous to write because writing about it made it real. But I am glad I finally did. My relationship with JR is such a special part of my life and I loved sharing some of it with you.

    A letter to my 20-year-old self – I went into my 20s with so many expectations. And so many of those expectations did not happen. However, by the time I turned 30, most of those expectations and goals I had did not matter. I entered my 30s with a whole new vision for my life which I’m sure reality is ready to laugh at. I’m sure the letter to my 30-year-old self will be filled with the list of things that did not go the way I planned.

    10 life lessons for people in their twenties – Late twenties, early thirties, teens, nineties. I don’t think there is any age limit for these lessons.

    Dating shouldn’t be this exhausting – This post was written when I was ready to give up on dating. It was right after things ended with this guy I was dating. It was less than two months before my first date with JR. Boy am I glad I did not give up when I wanted to.

    Dating advice from someone who is horrible at it – The funny thing about this post is that it came just 10 days before the “dating is exhausting” post. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m horrible. But as sucky as I am at dating, I do think I give some pretty good advice. There’s a reason friends come to me when they’re having problems.

    Facebook when you first joined versus now – This post was a shameless plug. And now I’m including it as a shameless plug. (My blog, my rules.) Follow me on Facebook!

    Twenty-nine is a very strange age – Twenty-nine was a really confusing age for me. I found my late twenties to be even more confusing than my earlier ones. Twenty-nine was a rough age and this post was my attempt at putting it into words.

    Things I’ve Come to Terms with at 31

    I turned 31 a few weeks ago. For the most part I have come to terms with my “old age.” The number is just going to get higher so I should stop fighting it. I did have a very small breakdown about officially being in my thirties but overall I dealt with it. Entering a new decade has definitely had its perks.

    Your twenties are all about trying out new things and finding out who you are as a person. Want to move to a different place every year? That’s what your twenties are for.

    Your thirties are a lot more mellow. Don’t get me wrong. I still want to try new things. There are plenty of places I still want to visit. Hobbies I still want to pickup. Books I eventually want to write. But my thirties have definitely shown me that there are quite a few things in my life that are set. I plan on spending my thirties embracing the little things that make me who I am and stop trying to change them.

    Staying up all night will never happen again. This one makes me a little sad. When I was younger, “breaking night” while having a sleepover was one of my favorite things to do. Now, the idea of staying awake the entire night is torturous. A sunrise is a sunrise. I don’t need to see it. Let me sleep.

    I will never dance well. This always used to be something I was embarrassed of: my horrendous dancing skills. Sadly, I was never blessed with rhythm but I am done fighting it. Next dance party I attend, I’m letting my inner-Elaine run free without any fear of judgment.

    Being sexy will never come natural to me. This isn’t a self-deprecating comment. I am not saying that I’m never sexy. My boyfriend thinks I’m sexy. However, if I actively try to be sexy, I have the opposite effect. A striptease from me is a ball of awkward and will most likely end with me somehow getting stuck in my lingerie in a fit of laughter.

    I will never enjoy exercising or eating healthy. I am still going to do it. Since I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more and more concerned about exercising and eating healthy. I’ll continue to give these things a chance for health reasons and all that nonsense, but I’m not going to like it. My couch will always be more appealing than the gym. I’ll always love cupcakes more than kale.

    Being a millionaire is not in the cards for me. Why did we think we would be rich when we were younger? I considered having a nice car and my own home by the time I was thirty inevitable. Getting rich seemed like it was an attainable goal back in the days. Boy was I wrong. Now I just want to make enough money so I won’t have to work until I’m 80-years-old. The new American dream!

    A day at Bed Bath and Beyond is now my favorite way to splurge. Partying it up all night at the latest club? No thanks, my apartment has $10 bottles of wine and Netflix. Dining out at that hot new restaurant? I’ll take my own cooked meal and sweatpants. Do you want these 20% off coupons at Bed Bath and Beyond? OMG yes! Clear my schedule. I need to spend the next several hours buying gadgets for my apartment. This toilet seat easily removes to make cleaning a breeze! (This toilet seat is a real thing and I absolutely love it.)

    A feeling of impending death will always overcome me after a night of heavy drinking. My body can still handle a glass or two or three of wine at night to unwind. I can wake up from this ready to start my day. However, bring in the hard liquor and shots and all hell breaks loose. I can kiss productivity out the door for the next two to three days. That is how much time I’ll need to recover.

    I’ll never pick up and move to a new place without a set plan. When I was in my twenties, I always entertained the idea of picking up and moving to another place. I still like this idea but it is a lot more reasonable. I would like to leave New York one day but not before I have a job secured somewhere. I have become a lot more practical in my thirties. That may sound depressing and boring, but do you know what isn’t boring? The ability to buy food and pay rent!

    It doesn’t matter what other people think of me. I spent so many years of my twenties in a perpetual state of anxiousness. What others thought of me mattered way too much. This made friendships difficult. Relationships challenging. It made life in general rough. I am so over that nonsense. Here is something that young people really need to remember: The opinions of others truly do not matter. Life becomes a lot more free when you live it exactly how you want and now how other people want you to.

    All the Diets I’ve Tried This Year

    Like anyone living in a world with the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and Photoshop, I am not happy with my body. Yes, I recognize that there are a lot of unrealistic images out there. However, I also see very real people walking the streets rocking jeans and a crop top without a muffin top. (Muffin Tops: great to put in your body but not to have on your body.)

    Every year the scale creeps up just a little higher than it was the previous year. And every year I come up with new ways to prevent those numbers from going up. Because I am incapable of doing anything in moderation, I normally concoct the most outlandish diets.

    Spoiler Alert: They never work! Here are some of the diets I’ve tried this year to get rid my ever-increasing muffin top.

    The “Eat as much as I can on Sunday” Diet – This is my favorite diet because it’s just a precursor to every other diet. Sometime during the week I’ll come up with a whole new plan on how I’m going to get skinny. This time it will be different and I’ll really stick to the diet. But before I start the diet of boring, unfulfilling green shit, I have to treat myself, right? That’s where this diet comes in. The weekend rolls around and I will divulge in all the fattening food I won’t be able to eat once my diet starts.

    The “1200 calories a day” Diet – I’ll download the MyFitnessPal app and start recording every single bite I take. This works great for all of breakfast and part of lunch until I realize that every single thing has calories. Why do I have to include the butter I put on my bread? Why the hell does mayonnaise have so many calories? It’s only purpose is to make sure my God damn sandwich isn’t dry!

    The “Clean eating” Diet – I can eat unlimited amounts of chicken, veggies, fruit, and sweet potatoes? I love all those things. This should be a piece of cake! And it was. Until I realized that cake was NOT on the clean eating menu.

    The “Eat just half of everything” Diet – This diet actually worked for me once. Four years ago. When I was younger and had a much faster metabolism. I also had a lot more self control. I lost about 7 pounds in this diet once. Not this year when I tried it. It turns out that eating half a slice of pizza is impossible.

    The “I’m too poor to be this fat” Diet – This diet usually comes not from looking at the scale but from looking at my bank account. When I notice that 95% of my money goes to food, it’s time to go on a money diet.

    The “Life is too short to be on a diet” Diet – I have to say, this diet really worked for me this year. It was the only diet I was able to stick to for more than a day. I think I may continue this diet in 2017 because life is too short not to eat the cupcake.