Entertainment

This Is the Funniest Comment Section I’ve Ever Come Across

get off my lawnI spent one of my last posts bitching about how horrendous the comments section on any online article can be. I still stand by that fact but I also will admit to constantly reading the comments on an article. I can’t help it. I want to look away, I know it’s going to be horrible and make me lose faith in humanity, but I feel myself getting sucked into it. I imagine this is how most viewers of Keeping Up with the Kardashians feel.

I recently read an article on Buzzfeed and the comments are a gold mine. Instead of making me cry, I was laughing hysterically. In case you weren’t convinced that people will get offended from everything these days, this comment section will prove that. The article just lists 33 facts about the class of 2019 that will make us folks in our twenties and thirties feel old. Sounds innocent enough, right? Well, it was a hilarious shit show in the comments section as children came out of the woodworks to comment about their superiority because they in fact do know what a flip phone is! Sure you know what a flip phone is but do you know what I mean when I say Zach Morris phone?

Zack morris phone

The article mostly listed the way things were when the class of 2019 was born. TV shows that came out, music that was popular, etc. Apparently that’s a SUPER offensive thing to do. How dare you tell a 13-year-old that they never had to deal with dial up? At first when I was reading the article, it made me feel super old. Seeing all these things from my childhood was too much nostalgia. Then when I read the comments, I remembered how dumb you are when you’re a teenager and I no longer felt so badly about being old. It’s the equivalent of me reading an article about how someone my age will never understand the hysteria of Beatlemania and then getting angry because I know so many Beatles’ songs. Knowing about something is not the same as living it.

Since I’m not much into cyber bullying, I’ll leave out the commenters names but here are some of the gems found in the comments section:

December 2001 for me. These things were my childhood, if that makes sense. I’d say maybe 30 out of 33 of these things are something that I do remember.
First off, you were born in December 2001. You are 13-years-old; you’re still in your childhood. Do we not teach the concept of memory in school anymore? You do not remember most of these things, you know about them. Britney Spears performed “I’m Slave for You” with a snake before you were even born! You do not REMEMBER the greatest pop culture couple: Britney and Justin. You only know about them through bittersweet pictures. And if you actually remember using MySpace then I want to ask your parents why they allowed their 4-year-old to create a social media account.
i was born in 2000 and i also find some of these things a bit inaccurate. My first phone was a Sony Ericsson feature phone.
Child, you need to take several seats. I got my first phone when I was about 15-16. You are 15 and reminiscing about what your FIRST phone was.
its not commentary between the diffrences between our generations because they are not vaild facts so therefore not valid diffrences and in 10 to 20 years i wont be in yall sad postion because i will be out flying on my hover jet talking to siri 17.0 that was installed in my brain
I also hope that 10-20 years from now you learn about punctuation and spelling.

buzzfeed- your future audience will be our generation so it’s time to stop picking on us and making “90’s Kids Will Remember” posts because we get the gist and every article is pretty much the same. i’m sick of these types of posts lol.

“We are not entitled brats with no sense of humor but if you do not start making every post about us, we will become incredibly offended and stop reading your stuff!” I don’t think logic starts developing in a person until they are at least 20.

I’m here to tell you that, no matter how old you feel, if you were a 90s kid, you’re not old. LOL For those of us who were born in the 60s, grew up in the 70s, partied like crazy in the 80s, and became professional adults in the 90s, your angst over feeling old makes us want to pat your head and smile, then shuffle off with our walkers chuckling to ourselves.
This was my favorite one because it put both the 90s and the 00s kids in their places for being the obnoxious brats that we are!
young people don't know anything

If You Don’t Want Nude Photos Leaked, Don’t Take Nude Photos

Gillian Anderson - Media turns women into virgins or whores

If you don’t want your nude photos shown all over the internet, don’t take nude photos. If you don’t want to get raped, don’t wear revealing clothing. If you don’t want your identity stolen, don’t use credit cards. If you don’t want to get robbed, don’t buy things. If you don’t want to get electrocuted, don’t have any electronics. If you don’t want to get punched in the face, don’t have a face.

Enough! Enough with victim blaming, no matter the crime. If your first response to the photo leak was to shout that people shouldn’t take naked photos, just stop! If your first response was to proclaim how you never have and never will take nude photos, congratulations! Would you and your high horse like a cookie?

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe this is a concept that some people can’t understand but where I come from, when a crime is committed the person to blame is the criminal who committed said crime.

But sadly we leave in a society where that’s not always the case, especially when the crime is of a sexual nature. People will bend over backwards to find reasons the victims brought it upon themselves.

In this case, these reasons are as follows: Those celebrities shouldn’t have taken the photos in the first place. They should have covered their faces. They were stupid for saving the photos on iCloud.

Now don’t get me wrong, that is some solid advice. This is a reminder for everyone that it is harder and harder to keep things private these days. This became big news because of the people it happened to but even us common folk get our private photos/videos leaked on the Internet. However, if your first and only response is one of those reasons and not that this is a gross violation of privacy and the person who hacked the photos is to blame, then you are part of the problem.

That should be the biggest and only problem about this photo leak: Privacy! The content of the photos should be a non-issue here. It’s just boobs, but to some people that seems to be the biggest problem. Because don’t forget ladies, the second you decide to take control of your own sexuality, you’re not doing what society expects of you. Your sexuality is a prop and commodity for others to do what they please with. You break away from that mold and expect to be condemned.

I am sick and tired of people being blamed when a crime is committed against them. Let’s stop with the victim shaming once and for all. The only person who should be blamed when a crime is committed is the criminal.

(Sorry that this post is kind of all over the place. I started school on Thursday so I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep. And I have to go to the dentist today so I have been extra cranky. I promise something upbeat for my next post!)

Why Are We All Getting Up In Arms Over the Ice Bucket Challenge

stop whining downton abbey

So I’ve already let you guys know that I don’t think too highly of Facebook. The past week Facebook has been even more annoying than usual and it’s all because of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. And no, it’s not the videos of my friends getting drenched with ice water that’s irritating. Those are usually entertaining. The thing I have a problem with is the people constantly complaining about the latest social media trend.

The premise for the Ice Bucket Challenge is pretty simple. I’m sure most of you are familiar but here’s a crash course for those who do not know about it yet. Once you are nominated, you have 24 hours to post a video of yourself being doused with ice water or you have to donate $100 to the ALS Association. If you decide to make a video, you still donate an amount of your choice and nominate three of your friends to do the challenge.

Seems like a fun gimmick that raises a ton of money for a good cause, right? Who in their right mind would have a problem with this? Well seems like a ton of people, who must be REALLY fun at parties, have a lot of animosity towards this challenge. I’ve seen a slew of people on my FB feed complaining about the abundance of videos, claiming that the posters are just looking for attention.

And a part of that is true. I bet a bunch of people are looking for a chance to get nominated so they can post a hilarious video of themselves getting covered with freezing cold water! Everything we put on social media is to get attention. But when it’s raising money for a horrible disease, why are we complaining? I’d rather see 100 Ice Bucket Challenge videos on my newsfeed than the usual selfies or “OMG I hate Mondays!” posts.

The bottom line is that this trend is raising money and the videos are helping. Last year from July 29 to August 19, the ALS Association raised $1.9 million. The same period this year? They have raised $22.9 million. People aren’t making these videos in an attempt to get out of donating. (Unless they are really shitty people. In that case, they should just get a bucket thrown at their head.) And the videos are a way to pass along the information and get more participants and donations.

Let’s stop shitting on people who want to have a little fun while donating to a good cause.

And one more thing, because I haven’t posted in awhile and I’m feeling generous, here’s Tom Hiddleston doing the Ice Bucket Challenge.

tom hiddleston ice bucket

Any trend that gives me this photo is OK in my book.

If the Author of 50 Shades of Grey* Was Honest in Her Writing

The office - I don't get it. I just don't get it

This is me during the whole 50 Shades hysteria.

So I finally watched the 50 Shades of Grey trailer. It was more out of curiosity than anything else. There is much I can say about the trailer but I am not going to get into it here. Sure the girl playing Ana looks like she’s about 35 and Christian Grey could have been so good-looking if they just slapped some friggen facial hair on him. What I found interesting was that it looked like a trailer for a horror/thriller film. Christian Grey looked like a psychopath getting ready to murder his next victim. I hope this means the movies will be portraying Christian for what he really is: an obsessive, stalker, sociopath.

I remember expressing my disdain for this book and someone had the audacity to say to me, “I think you need to experience more to enjoy this book.” At the time, I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. Of course I came up with the perfect response in my head later that night: I think you need to read more to realize that these books are crap. What was this guy trying to imply anyway? Because I’ve never been locked up in a room and had anal beads shoved up my ass, I couldn’t possibly understand the complex story the author was trying to tell? Lolita is one of my favorite books of all time but this 50 Shades of Shit novel is just too taboo for me! That seems about right.

There are some real problems that can be discussed at length about this book. The way that women idolize Christian Grey is a big one when his only redeeming qualities are that he’s rich and good-looking. And the rich thing is a bit iffy. If you came across Donald Trump and he acted as psychotic as Christian Grey, even the most shameless of gold diggers would probably be like, “I don’t care how many diamond encrusted dildos this guy wants to buy me. He’s insane, I’m out.”

As someone who loves books more than anything in the world, what bothers me the most about 50 Shades of Grey is the writing. Holy guacamole is it bad! I have a serious problem with fanfiction becoming published work. (It’s the same reason I think City of Bones is a joke of a book.) Now, this isn’t knocking all fanfiction and those who write it. And it isn’t saying that just because someone writes fanfiction they don’t have the talent to become a published author. I just don’t think that people should be making money off of stories where the themes and characters were taken from someone else’s work. That’s right, people. Your beloved novel is basically Twilight 2.0. You all are going crazy over the human version of Bella and Edward banging.

Still undecided about whether or not you should read this book? The short answer is, “you shouldn’t.” But if you don’t want to take the advice from a random stranger (even though you should cause I really know what I’m talking about), I’m gonna sum up what the book is about in just a few short paragraphs and save you the trouble.

Christina Grey at Work
Look at me. I’m so important. I own an entire empire at such a young age. How you ask? I have no idea seeing as I barely do any work. Excuse me for a second, I need to go send an email. Haha, my hot secretary probably thinks I’m doing very important work right now. I’m really just emailing my girlfriend telling her how I want to tie her up and smack her around when I get home. *checks watch* Well, I’ve been here a whole five minutes. That’s enough work for the CEO for one week. Gotta go now and spank my girlfriend for a few hours.

Ana and Orgasms
I have a magical vagina. Oh excuse me, I mean down there area. You’ll never actually hear me call my down there area by its proper name. Now back to this magical “down there area” I have. Christian spanks me and I cum. He says my name and I cum. He looks at me and I cum. If I go into the bathroom after he’s taken a shit and smell it, I cum.

Ana and her Self-Esteem
I’m so plain-looking. My best guy friend is basically in love with me. I wish I could be beautiful like my roommate. Ya know that guy I keep comparing to a Greek God? He’s totally in love with me. Wah, why am I not pretty? Oh, male boss. Naturally he’s obsessed with me and wants me. So let’s see: I am completely average looking and have no discernible personality, yet everyone I come across that has a penis is instantly in love with me. Seems legit!

Christian and his Stalker Tendencies
That girl I just met. I like her. She pleases me. I shall have her. Time to call a private detective to tell me everything there is to know about her. Haha, silly girl doesn’t want to work for me and wants to get a job on her own in a different company. I don’t think so. I’m gonna just go buy that company now since I’m the richest person in the world and can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I cannot believe this girl thinks she can have a life on her own. Doesn’t she know who I am? I own her now.

Ana and her Inner Goddess and Subconscious
I bet you thought my boyfriend was the crazy one? Ha, think again! I clearly suffer from some multiple personality disorder. But it’s so cute. Look at my Inner Goddess! She’s doing a salsa dance in the corner cause Christian just fisted me at the dinner table. My subconscious wasn’t too happy. She was weeping over a Jane Austen novel trying to ignore the hand in her ass.

So that’s it people. That’s the entire novel. You’re welcome. For those of you still interested in seeing the movie, I’d like to tell you about this little thing we call porn. You should check it out. You’ll find better story lines and most likely better acting.

*To stop myself from being overly obnoxious, I refrained from calling the book and movie 50 Shades of Shit the whole post. It was difficult but I did it!

I Like You Unironically

tumblr_mz8urxmbpw1qz5q5lo1_500

When I was in high school, I had this one teacher who played this ice breaker game the first day of class. He had the whole class stand up, he would announce a fact, then you would sit down if you didn’t agree with it and remain standing if you did agree with it. It was a fun way to find out the little things you had in common with your fellow classmates. One of the facts he said was “I love Britney Spears’ music.” I looked around and noticed that everyone started sitting down. I waited a beat before sitting down myself. If I hadn’t sat down, I would have been the only one standing. The thing is, I loved Britney then. I still do! However, I did not want to be the only one standing. I was too embarrassed to be the only one standing.

That was back in high school when a person’s insecurities are at an all-time high. Like most teenagers all I really craved was to fit in. However, I have noticed that a lot of people still do this now. We may admit the things that we like but we tend to always have an excuse. We call them our guilty pleasures, openly admitting that we are somewhat embarrassed to like a certain TV show or a book.

My favorite is people who say they like something ironically. I have no idea what that even means. I’m being serious about this. If someone knows what it means to like something ironically or to wear something ironically, please fill me. I for one am finally done liking things with an excuse. Here are some of the things I like unironically and with no guilt involved.

  • Taylor Swift – There is never not a good time to listen to some Taylor Swift. The only complaint I have is that I went to her concert a few years back and I was the oldest person there who wasn’t taking their child.
  • Superhero Movies – Hot guys and action scenes. What’s not to like?
  • Twilight – I’ve read all the books and I’ve seen all the movies. I actually don’t think any of them are that great but I genuinely really like the first movie. I think people just brush it off because it’s Twilight but it’s actually pretty good.
  • Nicholas Sparks – I don’t really read romance novels, they are not my thing. But I have read pretty much all of Nicholas Sparks’ books and I always have to go see his movies. The big part of the allure of his movies is definitely the casting. Ryan Gosling, Zac Efron, Josh Duhamel, Channing Tatum. Need I say more?
  • Doctor Who – You should feel guilty if you don’t like Doctor Who. This show is awesome!
  • Flip Flops – The second the weather goes over 75 consistently I live in flip flops. On the train, in the park, at work. Everywhere. I do not care!
  • Tumblr – I’m about 8-10 years older than the average user but it doesn’t stop me. That site is highly addictive.
  • Gossip Girl – I know this show isn’t on anymore and the last season was crap but this was hands down my favorite show for the longest time. It was by far one of the most visually appealing shows I’ve ever watched. It showed the pretty side of New York. (I live here. Trust me, it’s not that nice.) Everyone was so good looking. And the clothes were amazing!
  • Diet Soda – OK, this is something I actually should feel bad about since it’s so bad for you. But whatever. I figure as far as vices go, I could do a lot worse.

Are Stars Getting Younger or Am I Just Old?

you are hot as balls

A gif from Cougar Town is fitting for this post.

Your twenties will be the first time you start to feel old. Realistically it’s not anywhere close to old but it is the first time you will start to realize there are a lot of people younger than you. I remember turning 22 and thinking, “That’s it. I’m officially old.” I was so young and naive. Now at 28, I really am officially old. (I am completely aware that 35-year-old me is going to look back and think that 28-year-old me was so young and naive.) I’m at that stage where I get excited if someone cards me. On more than one occasion I’ve been at a bar where I was the oldest person there. And yes, that was the last time I ever set foot in said bar. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that 1994 was 20 years ago! Twenty!

When you’re a kid, time goes by so slow. Summer break feels like a year instead of the 2 months it really is. The four years of high school feel like eight. But somewhere along the way time starts to speed up. I noticed this happening around the time I graduated from college at 23. (I just gave myself a mini panic attack from writing that. I graduated college FIVE years ago!) One year feels like it lasts only a month. It’s terrifying and I feel as though it’s only go to get worse as I get older!

Now, I understand that so far this post has succeeded in doing one of two things: If you are under 28, you are thinking, “Well at least I’m younger than this old hag so it isn’t so bad.” If you are over 28, you are thinking, “Bitch please! Stop complaining. Wait until you’re my age.” So I am going to stop rambling about how “old” I am and get to the point of this post. (I swear I really do have a point and you’re going to like it!) The point of all this: hot guys! When you’re younger it seems that all your celebrity crushes are years older than you. “Oh, you’re old enough to be my father? Then I’d like to climb you like a tree.” Well, I am not sure how this happened but I’ve started realizing that some of these celebrities that I think are cute are younger than me. And not just younger by a few months. These guys are younger than my little sister. When I watched the remake of Carrie and saw Ansel Elgort for the first time, I thought, “Thank the Lord that Chris Hansen does not know what I’m thinking right now.”

Sure there are tons of hotties in Hollywood that are older than me (I’m looking at you Tom Hiddleston) but they really are starting to get younger and younger. Here are some celebrities that have made me feel just a little bit dirty for thinking they’re hot.

Ansel Elgort • 20-years-old
ansel elgort
So this guy inspired me to write this post. I remember watching Carrie and thinking, “Oh man, this kid is so cute.” Then I remember looking him up on IMDB and wanting to throw up on myself. He was born in 1994! He just turned 20-years-old! Age difference be damned, he is adorable! He’s going to be in The Fault in Our Stars this June so I get to be turned on while simultaneously crying my eyes out. It’s going to be awesome.

Dylan O’Brien • 22-years-old
dylan o'brien
Yes I watch Teen Wolf on MTV and yes it is an awesome show! It’s funny, has a Buffy the Vampire Slayer vibe to it, and it’s filled with tons of hot, shirtless guys! Dylan O’Brien plays Stiles and he is by far the best part of the show. He’s the only one who genuinely knows how to act. He started off the show looking like this, but somewhere along the way he became a man. I am not sure when this happened or how it happened, I’m just glad that it did.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson • 23-years-old
aaron taylor johnson
Looking at Aaron Taylor-Johnson doesn’t actually make me feel all that dirty because he looks older. But then I find out that he was born in the 90s and that icky feeling starts to set in. So be it! The dorky kid from Kick-Ass grew up and I like it! Fun fact: His wife is over 20 years older than him so there is hope for all of us! (Maybe that’s why I’m still single. I haven’t met my man yet because he’s still in preschool.)

Liam Hemsworth • 24-years-old
liam hemsworth
While I’m partial to Chris Hemsworth (See I’m not that creepy. I think the older brother is cuter.), there is no denying that Liam Hemsworth is hot. Liam is best known for his role in the Hunger Games films but hasn’t had much to do in those films yet. He’ll be seeing a lot more screen time in the last two installments and I for one am happy about that! (I was just trying to be polite and professional (HA!) there. He’s really best known as Miley’s ex.)

Zac Efron
zac efron
I didn’t even bother putting Zac Efron’s age because he’s actually not that young. He was born only a year before I was. However, people will always universally view him as a teenager, no matter how hot and grown up he becomes. I was having a discussion about Zac Efron the other day during brunch with my friends. My friend was talking about how good looking he is then stopped herself and said, “But wait, how old is he? Is he even legal yet?” To us, Mr. Efron, you will always be a 17-year-old. Just a really hot 17-year-old we all want to bang.

Signs You May Be the Lead Female in a Young Adult Novel

could they please be more generic

Think you may actually be the main female character in a Young Adult novel? Well I’m here to help you out.

  1. You have no female friends. If you do, it’s only one and you guys are completely different. You often wonder why you are friends in the first place.
  2. You never wear make-up, dresses, or heels. You do not understand these things and any girl who puts any stock in her appearance is shallow and inferior.
  3. You are incredibly insecure and find yourself unattractive. But it’s actually weird because every boy within a five mile radius wants to get with you.
  4. You do not like to go to parties, dances, or sporting events. They are so lame!
  5. Those boys can keep dreaming because you have never liked or been attracted to a boy ever.
  6. But wait! All of that changes when you meet a boy and that very day fall madly in love. You had no idea what the meaning of your life was before you laid eyes on said boy but all you know is that you’d rather jump off a cliff than be without him.
  7. You love to read. And that alone makes you different and unique and better than other kids in your school.
  8. You feel as though no one understands you and everyone judges you, yet you spend a significant portion of your time judging others based on what they do.
  9. You are white.
  10. You have brown hair.
  11. If it’s not brown, then it has to be red. And it needs to be natural. You would never dye your hair (see number 2 to remind yourself why). This red hair is your defining feature and determines your personality. (You’re a feisty one!)
  12. You often find yourself wondering where your personality went but get distracted when you fall over your own two feet. AGAIN!

If you can identify with most of these, then you may very well be the main female character in a young adult novel. Congratulations?