Thoughts of a Perpetually Single Girl

i'm so singleI’m the single friend. I’m always the single friend. Relationships and I go together like peanut butter and tuna fish.

Now the Internet would have you believe that single people can only be one of two things: Either I am strutting in my 6-inch heels shouting to the world that “I’m an independent woman and I don’t need no man” or I am lying in bed, downing my fifth glass of wine, and crying while yet another friend is getting engaged, all while shouting to the world that “I’m forever alone.”

Here’s the thing: being the perpetually single girl means I do a little bit of both. It’s the best of times. It’s the worst of times. Sometimes it’s really fucking awesome and sometimes it really fucking sucks. See, it’s not so different than what it’s like to be in a relationship.

1. “There has to be something wrong with me.” This thought will pop into your head at some point. You just can’t seem to find someone that you genuinely like and would want to commit to. Everyone else seems to fall into relationships so easily so clearly the problem must lie with you.

2. Whenever someone comes to you to complain about their relationship (and they always seem to come to you like you’re clearly the expert), you feel much better about your single status. Relationships can be great but they can also be really stressful. Hearing someone complain about the latest drama in their relationship will make you incredibly grateful that you don’t have to deal with any of that.

3. You’ll want to smack the people who ask, “Why are you still single?” Everything about that question is obnoxious and it needs to be wiped out of existence immediately.

4. When you go out, there’s always that possibility of meeting someone. We all know they say things come when we’re not looking for them or when we least expect them. However, when you’re perpetually single, it’s always in the back of your mind that you can meet someone when out. And this is a good thing. The possibility of meeting someone new is exciting.

5. You will cherish your single friends, especially when you start getting older. Making a new friend in your late twenties and finding out that she’s single as well is basically the equivalent to finding out your kindergarten classmate’s favorite color is also blue. Instant best friends!

6. While you’re incredibly happy for them, a part of you will get sad when one of your single friends gets into a relationship. “Why did you go over to the dark side?”

7. Realizing that you could go on vacation tomorrow or move cross country without having to take anyone else into consideration except yourself is an amazing feeling.

8. You will become incredibly comfortable being single. Sometimes you’ll fear that you might be getting a little too comfortable. “I have to share this luxurious bed with another human being for the rest of my life? What if they’re not cool with Oreos in bed? That’s no way to live!”

9. Going to weddings will suck. Even if you are doing fine with your singleness, it will be a reminder of just how single you really are. Getting invited with a plus one is always a dilemma. “Do I scramble to see if I can get a date to come with me or do I just suck it up and go alone?”

10. Seeing a razor in the winter will make you pause and think, “What the hell is that?” My legs resemble Chewbacca in the winter because no one is seeing them but me.

11. Meeting someone new who *GASP* you actually like is incredibly scary. You’ll make yourself crazy thinking of all the ways you are going to mess it up because your track record has shown that this cannot end well.

12. But deep down you know that no matter how things turn out with the new guy, you’ll be OK. You’ve figured out long ago that you’re OK being alone and don’t need to be in a relationship.

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26 comments

  1. ” But deep down you know that no matter how things turn out with the new guy, you’ll be OK. You’ve figured out long ago that you’re OK being alone and don’t need to be in a relationship.”

    I LOVE this statement! Well, I LOVE the whole post, but this really resonated with me. As someone who is pretty much always perpetually single as well (until recently—I’m still trying to wrap my ahead around that and am constantly doing #11), I have gone through and thought of all of these things. There is definitely a gray area when it comes to singledom–it’s both amazing and devastating at the same time. It’s sooooo frustrating, this whole love thing. But it’s also kind of awesome. 🙂

    1. I know way too many people who just cannot be single. They go from one relationship to the next and that’s just crazy to me. I think that everyone should give themselves some time to be alone. Just so they know they can actually do it.

      1. I think you and I know the same people haha! But I couldn’t agree more. You need time to figure out who you are by yourself without someone else in order to be the best version of yourself with someone else. If that makes sense?

      2. So true. It’s cliche, but you’ve got to love yourself before you can love somebody else. How can you love yourself when you’ve never spent any time alone with.. yourself?! It breaks my heart seeing some great girlfriends of mine spending time and energy on guys I’m sure they realize on some level are bad news, just because they have a boyfriend vacancy. Being single is not a bad thing! Being with a crappy guy IS a bad thing! 😦 I like this post. Even though I’m married, I have similar feelings about being the only woman in my life who doesn’t have children.

  2. I think it shows real strength for a woman to be single and not desperate to just be in a relationship for the sake of it. It shows you think about relationships in the right way (IMO lol) and that you will be great for someone when you meet them because you have the right attitudes towards it. For guys to see that a woman is independent and can cope on her own is attractive.

    As for some of the questions you receive I also resonate with them. I bet you get “you are too picky” line as well. No we’re not picky we just have standards haha. Keep being you and the right person will come 👍😊

    1. OMG, I get the “too picky” thing all the time. One time I was dating a guy and really wasn’t into it so I wanted to end things with him, my sister literally told me to just settle already. I know she means well and just wants me to be happy but I’m not going to be happy if I just settle for someone.

  3. Re: #9 – Weddings suck when you’re married, too. Frankly, as much as I love my husband, I would rather be temporarily single whenever I go to a wedding than go with him. My husband has this condition (I think it has something to do with the Y chromosome) where he just doesn’t show emotion. Like at all. So even though I know he loves me, he never shows it in conventional romantic ways. Seeing all those grooms get misty-eyed when they look at their bride and/or hearing their voice quake a bit when they say their vows … yeah, that kinda rubs salt in it a bit.

    Also, I love to dance. LOVE love to dance. And weddings have dancing – yay! But my husband hates dancing – not so yay. Now, it’s fun to get out there with a group of girls, sure, but for me half the fun of dancing is getting all up on a guy, with a little bump and grind, maybe a little grope, and if you’re lucky a kiss or bite on the neck. Unfortunately I haven’t done that in years just because I feel like that would cross a line with a guy who’s not my husband.

    So here’s my thought – if you don’t like being single at weddings, and I don’t like being married at weddings, you want to switch places every so often? You can borrow my husband to go to weddings with (I’ll even let you wear my ring! :)) and I’ll go back to being single for the night. It will be the best of both worlds!

  4. Haha #8. I not only had to get used to the snoring, the hogging of covers, and the cell phone beeping throughout the night (one of the downsides to being an on-call physician), but cleaning beard hair out of the sink and finding dirty socks and boxers literally everywhere in the apartment but the laundry basket. I never got the chance to have my own place, and sometimes I feel like I missed a step. My “plan” was to live independently for a few years before “settling down,” but I could never afford it, and life rarely goes how we plan it anyway.

  5. Oh I love this post! I too am perpetually single and can relate to all of these. I want to be independent without having to shout it out to the world and be sad and codependent without anyone knowing it. I just want to be. Ya know? It’s weird that we all think of the world so much in terms of relationships rather than as individuals.

    1. Exactly! Being in a relationship and having someone can be nice but sometimes there is way too much of an emphasis on being with someone. As I’ve gotten older I’ve felt this pressure from society because I’m still single.

  6. “Sometimes it’s really fucking awesome and sometimes it really fucking sucks. See, it’s not so different than what it’s like to be in a relationship” – Truer words have never been spoken.

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