Month: November 2015

Don’t Show Chris Hansen My Search History

chris-hansen

You guys! I finished it! Well almost finished it! I handed in the first draft of my thesis to my Professor! All 50+ pages! (Yea, I’m being a bit excessive with the exclamation points! Deal with it!!!) I just got her comments back. A few minor changes need to be made and then it’s completed! It’s the final step I need to take before I am officially done with school!

Writing my thesis has been an experience. It probably would have been easier if I wasn’t such a procrastinator. But I wait till the last minute; it’s in my nature. My thesis was on ways the library can promote literacy in young boys. So naturally my search history has been interesting. Lots of searches dealing with young boys. Taken out of context it could look very suspicious. But I swear Chris Hansen, I just want to get boys reading more!

I’ve gotten really creative these past couple of months coming up with everything but my thesis to do. I started a list on IMDB of every movie I’ve ever seen and realized that I watch a lot of ridiculous movies. (Why have I watched Cruel Intentions 2?) I also spent a lot of time going through my stats on this site, particularly the search terms.

It made me realize that a lot of people have come to my blog looking for something and I don’t think they’ve found the answers yet. I’m sure some were satisfied. Like the person looking for “how to get over an almost relationship” and the one wanting to find out about “growing up in Brooklyn.” I hope you random Internet searchers found what you’re looking for on my blog.

However, plenty of people wound up on my blog and I’m sure left with no answer. That is until now! I’m here to help all those people who came to my blog looking for answers that were nowhere to be found.

let me help you with that new girl

Search: how to get women back i said the f word to

Answer: I am going to assume that by f word you mean fuck. If you have a woman who was offended by the word food or football, you’re better off. No one needs that kind of negativity in their life. So you fucked up and used the f word in front of your lady friend. It happens to the best of us. My big issue is that you’re asking women instead of just one woman. Maybe focus on getting one lady back at a time. Oh, and probably lay off the f bombs when talking to your women.

Search: should i check to see if the lesbian i am dating is still online

Answer: I know you’re not supposed to assume (even though my dumb ass did it one paragraph earlier) but I am going to make an assumption here. I am guessing that you met a lady online and now that you two are dating, you want to see if she’s still on the online dating site. Pretty rational question and I think most of us who have dabbled in the online dating world can relate. I know for myself the temptation is too strong not to look. I make no secret that I am a creepy Internet stalker. You can look but I think there are a few things you need to consider before you react. If you guys JUST started dating (I’m talking less than 5 dates), then you can’t really get that mad about her profile still being up. If you have taken yours down and would like her to take hers down as well, then this could be an opportunity to have a talk with her about where things are going. If you guys already had a talk and agreed to delete the online dating site and you still find her profile up, then that’s a problem. You need to sit your lady down and have a chat cause that ain’t cool. Good luck! Online stalking is always scary cause you never know what you’re going to find.

Search: meaning netflix and chill

Answer: Netflix and chill means to throw on some sweatpants, pour a giant glass of wine, order a pizza, and watch 10 straight hours of your favorite TV show. That is the true meaning of Netflix and chill. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. You know the people who love to shout “I’m Keeping Christ in Christmas. Who’s With Me?” Well, I’m like that when it comes to Netflix and chill. I’m keeping the pants in Netflix and chill, who’s with me?

Search: do you think i procrastinate

Answer: You’re searching the Internet asking if you procrastinate instead of doing something productive with your time. I am going to have to go with a “Yes” on this one. But it’s all cool. I should be editing my thesis but instead I’m answering people who made random searches and will probably never wind up on my blog again.

Search: why do women take revealing photos

Answer: Cause they are in a long distance relationship and want to spice things up with their significant other. Cause they think they’re really hot. Cause they just want to. The possibilities are endless.

Search: am i old by 22

Answer: Fuck you! Sorry, I’m just kidding. Sort of. But seriously, are you really asking if you’re old at 22??!!?? Trust me! You are not old at 22. There is nothing about a 22-year-old that’s actually old.

Multiple Searches: zac efron penis; zac efron dick; zac efron cock; penis zac efron; zach ephron penis; efron penis; zac efron delicious penis; zac efron’s penis

Answer: Sorry, but I do not have the answer to what you’re looking for. But I do have some questions of my own. Why are so many people interested in finding Zac Efron’s penis? What is it about my blog that leads you here for your search for his penis? Have any of you come across his penis yet? If so, what’s he packing? (I’m a pervert and wouldn’t mind knowing these things.)

A Public Service Announcement to Myself

whats-wrong-with-me

I try to keep things lighthearted here and keep the personal stuff to a minimum. But today I need to talk about a serious issue. This is something that I am putting out there for the whole world to know so I don’t continue making the same mistake.

This is something that I do all the time despite cries from family and friends that I’ll regret it. They tell me that I won’t be happy with my decision. I remind them that it’s my life and I can do what I want. I know what’s best for me. (Spoiler: I don’t know what’s best for me.)

Ignoring the protestations from loved ones, I do the thing anyway believing that it will make me happy. And it does make me happy. But it doesn’t last long. I spend weeks, sometimes even months, regretting my decision. I vow to never make the same mistake again. Next time around, I won’t be stupid. I’ll remember what I’m feeling now and won’t make the same mistake again.

However, a few months pass and I find myself in the same situation. Once again my loved ones remind me of all the terrible choices that I’ve made in the past. How it’s never made me happy no matter how much I’ve convinced myself that it has. But I’m stupid and don’t listen. I’ve seen other people do it and they seem so happy. It’s worked out for them. Why can’t it be the same for me?

So I take a chance and make the same mistake I’ve made 57 million times before. I think that somehow this time it will be different. This time I’ll finally get it right and be happy with my decision. But I’m never happy. I always regret my decision and cannot wait for it to pass!

Of course, I am talking about getting bangs! Every single time I go to get my hair cut I tell the stylist that I definitely want bangs. I love bangs. I love the way they look on me. Please cut some stupid bangs on my hair!

omg-i-hate-my-bangs-gif

Why? Why do I do this to myself? I like the bangs for maybe two days after the haircut then I spend the next month or two just waiting for the bangs to grow out. Then I go in for another haircut and get bangs all over again.

It’s a vicious cycle and it needs to stop now. I am putting this out there for all the world to see. So I can be held accountable for the next time I make the dumb mistake, convinced that this time I’ll love my bangs and won’t regret my decision.